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Original poster

Will you help your kids when they’re parents?

218 replies

prista · 15/01/2023 14:04

When your kids become parents do you expect to help them out?
I will - I’m not going to give up 1-2 days a week for full on child care because I want to keep working, but I’ll help beyond that - babysitting and holidays (and weekends if they’re close) and if I can afford it I’ll give them financial help for childcare (assuming they need it).
But judging by a lot of the threads here about parents/pils maybe others don’t? Just curious!

OP posts:
Snugglemonkey · 15/01/2023 23:29

Absolutely. I will be setting aside money for their house deposits. I will go part time, or retire in order to free up time to mind my grandchildren, if I am lucky enough to have them. My children are my greatest joy in life, I will help them any way I can for as long as I am capable of doing so.

snowtrees · 15/01/2023 23:29

I'll prob be too old. But would

mycatsanutter · 15/01/2023 23:37

@Beezknees I was 19 and my ds was 21 when he became a father , he had left home and was living with his gf so although he was young who was I to judge ! And it's all worked out well .

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Childcare & nursery Families
Fudgeandcaramel · 15/01/2023 23:37

I’d love to. I hope they have them while I’m still young and well enough.

hellosunshineagainxxx · 15/01/2023 23:42

GiltEdges · 15/01/2023 14:15

Absolutely. Having had no support from either set of our parents with DS, I very much want to be there as a grandparent to offer something that I know we would have very much valued. I’d be happy to offer whatever was needed, whether that be full/part time childcare, occasional babysitting, or just financial support.

This

BluIsTheColour · 15/01/2023 23:50

I will, absolutely. I certainly don't want to be doing full time child care though if I'm retired. I'll help a couple of days at most or when they are school age happy to do school pick ups and keep them until parents can pick up after work. I'm pretty certain though I'll end up bending over backwards to help lol. I'd also take them overnight frequently (as my mum does for us).

HamBone · 16/01/2023 01:12

Fairyliz · 15/01/2023 19:40

The problem is modern life doesn’t really lend itself to grandparents helping out nowadays does it.
Children are encouraged to go to university, then move wherever for a job not go to work at 18 and stay local.
Then people have children later and later so you could well be into your 70’s before you become a grandparent, with grandchildren living a 100 miles away.
I can see why it doesn’t happen in lots of cases despite thinking you will help out.

I agree, @Fairyliz, but even in that scenario, many GP’s will invite their GC to stay for a few days during the summer holidays (once they’re old enough to be comfortable, of course) and make an effort to visit every couple of months perhaps. Some also enjoy giving their GC’s nice gifts on their birthdays and at Christmas (if they can afford it).

Thats what my DD (now 17) noticed a few years ago-her friends’ GP’s do things like this, but her paternal GP’s simply don’t. ☹️

I’ve never said this to DH, but the brutal truth is that he isn’t a Golden Child and his parents aren’t that bothered about him or his children. They probably feel mildly affectionate towards them, but their Golden Children always come first. The non-Golden ones are a poor second.

Busybutbored · 16/01/2023 01:14

I'd definitely like to, a day off would mena the world to me so I would love to do this for my own DC

StarCourt · 16/01/2023 04:46

probably not that much as im 57 def working til 67, and DD is only just 14.

workiskillingme · 16/01/2023 07:19

Snugglemonkey · 15/01/2023 23:29

Absolutely. I will be setting aside money for their house deposits. I will go part time, or retire in order to free up time to mind my grandchildren, if I am lucky enough to have them. My children are my greatest joy in life, I will help them any way I can for as long as I am capable of doing so.

Well you are in a very privileged position to be able to do that ! Not many can these days

LaDamaDeElche · 16/01/2023 07:38

Of course I would help them out as much as I can. Unless there’s a good reason, I find it very strange that people wouldn’t. I would help anyone else in my family out if I could and they needed it too.

70sShmeventies · 16/01/2023 07:42

Yes, it’s how I was raised. My Nan helped willingly with all her grandchildren and my parents do the same. My children won’t stop being my children because they are adults and so I’ll help them. Plus, it takes a village and all that. I so loved being surrounded by extended family as a child.

HaggisBurger · 16/01/2023 07:44

I hope I can. My mum died when my eldest was a year old and ate would have loved to be able to be a very hands on Granny. It creates such a lovely bond between the child and the grandparents. I see my aunt and uncle do lots for my cousin and it’s such a joy.

I certainly wouldn’t be locking into 2 full days a week. But regular help I’d love to do it. If any of my kids have kids which I’m not betting on 😂

TerfOnATrain · 16/01/2023 08:07

How can the younger parents now be sure they’ll feel the same when they’re in their late fifties or even much older, depending when they had their own.

Whilst of course I’ll help with school drop offs and emergency sick cover, happy to babysit but I won’t dedicate x amount of days per week to full time child minding.

After bringing up two children practically alone as DH worked away, whilst working full time and for some time being the only sibling to help with the elderlies, the endless hospital appointments and life admin, this is the first time in my life I have a couple of days for me.

I’m damned if Im sacrificing these to child mind for full days. Call me selfish but I think I’ve done my bit.

CandleCandleCandle · 16/01/2023 08:20

How can the younger parents now be sure they’ll feel the same when they’re in their late fifties or even much older, depending when they had their own
I remember being in my early/mid 30’s with three DC thinking when I had young DC thinking I’m definitely going to help out with my DGC on a regular basis as life is really hard. Now 20 years later, I travel about every six weeks and have my own interests will probably move away in a few year. If and when I have DGC I wouldn’t do actual childcare. I said upthread I helped and will help substantially with house deposits and have money put by for weddings but I wouldn’t for example look
after my DGC every Tuesday and Thursday. A couple of my friends do, for one it’s causing huge problems in her marriage as her DH wants to be more free to stuff as a couple. For the other it’s restricting her job availability as she does four mornings school drop off which is about 2O minute drive away so can’t start work until 9.30.

Misty999 · 16/01/2023 08:34

Yes I will do all that I can just as my parents have for me. I'm an older mother though so may be limited by the time I get grandkids.

Favouritefruits · 16/01/2023 09:30

If I can I will help my children out, I haven’t really got much help and struggle so I know how much they will appreciate it.

Aphrathestorm · 16/01/2023 14:58

I'll do as much as I can. I don't want DD to not be able to work/ feel she has to go pt due to the cost of childcare.
I can't see me being fit for full time care of an infant but a couple of days a week should help.

Ideatcakeforbreakfast · 16/01/2023 18:57

It depends. I would happily do so but depends if I'll still be working at the time (don't expect to retire until 65) and if he chooses to live nearby (I made the choice to live 500 miles away from home myself!).

BertieBotts · 16/01/2023 19:07

I think I'd like to, although I didn't expect it and we never have had that kind of help from ours.

Babies and toddlers are so special I think I'd love to get some more snuggle time in the future with grandbabies. Especially when you can hand them back 😆

BertieBotts · 16/01/2023 19:09

I had kids at 20-33 so I expect I'll be about 45-60 when grandchildren arrive, hardly ancient.

drpet49 · 16/01/2023 19:17

Bbq1 · 15/01/2023 14:21

Absolutely. As much as I can or as much as my ds and his future partner would want. As a parent, you support your dc lifelong in a variety of different ways. My mum and dad and il's were/are the best grand parents (and parents) that you could wish for and supported us so much and my mum still does.

This

Snugglemonkey · 16/01/2023 20:43

workiskillingme · 16/01/2023 07:19

Well you are in a very privileged position to be able to do that ! Not many can these days

Show quote history

I do appreciate that. Neither of us come from backgrounds that made this possible for us, but there are many ways to be supportive and we also appreciate how people have tried to support us.

NobbyButtons · 16/01/2023 20:55

As long as I'm fit and well and able to, I'd definitely help out. My mum died recently, but before she got ill she helped me out a lot (not so much on a having them every Tuesday and Thursday kind of arrangement, but more informal and ad-hoc). My dad has sometimes come over in an evening if we've wanted to go out. I always see lots of grandparents at the school gates and there were always quite a few of them at toddler groups.

When I was a child it was only my mum's parents who could help out, as my dad's parents were abroad. They were about 100 miles away and didn't drive, but they used to have us to stay for a few days, or would come and stay with us if, for example, my mum had to go on a work residential or was ill. I had a great relationship and loved spending time with them and they were a big part of my childhood.

Rubyupbeat · 16/01/2023 21:21

Definitely, in every way we can. It would never be a burden to me.