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Original poster

Will you help your kids when they’re parents?

218 replies

prista · 15/01/2023 14:04

When your kids become parents do you expect to help them out?
I will - I’m not going to give up 1-2 days a week for full on child care because I want to keep working, but I’ll help beyond that - babysitting and holidays (and weekends if they’re close) and if I can afford it I’ll give them financial help for childcare (assuming they need it).
But judging by a lot of the threads here about parents/pils maybe others don’t? Just curious!

OP posts:
CandleCandleCandle · 15/01/2023 20:59

I wouldn’t do regular childcare but I’d love to babysit if I was allowed. I’ve already helped my eldest DS buy a flat by giving him 50k and I have the same amount put by for my younger two DC.
I do really a lot for my DM who has Alzheimer’s and I hope my DC don’t have to provide this care for me.

Beezknees · 15/01/2023 21:03

I'll do what I can. I will not be able to do regular childcare as I'll certainly still be working full time when DS has kids, unless I win the lottery. I won't be able to help much financially either as I'm single with bills to pay.

I'd be happy to babysit once a month on a weekend or something so he and his partner can have some time to themselves.

Sennelier1 · 15/01/2023 21:04

I will and I do. One grandchild in own town, two abroad. Still, I accept every offer to be there, to help out.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Childcare & nursery Families
Beezknees · 15/01/2023 21:04

mycatsanutter · 15/01/2023 19:50

I'm a young Grandma ( I was 39) and I have my 2 granddaughters to stay about once a month . My youngest son is 5 months older than my oldest granddaughter so we often have days out together . They don't expect me to help out whilst they work as as I work too.

Yes this could potentially be me, as I had DS when I was 18.

CandleCandleCandle · 15/01/2023 21:05

Yes this could potentially be me, as I had DS when I was 18
I thought that (I was 19) but he’s 34 now and I’m still waiting.

Beezknees · 15/01/2023 21:06

CandleCandleCandle · 15/01/2023 21:05

Yes this could potentially be me, as I had DS when I was 18
I thought that (I was 19) but he’s 34 now and I’m still waiting.

Haha! I hope DS doesn't have children at 18 honestly, it wasn't a picnic.

123woop · 15/01/2023 21:10

Yes - I can think of nothing nicer than being a grandparent! I just hope my kids are nearby so I can support them as much as possible (my cousins both moved 300 miles away, and my aunty slogs the distance twice a month to babysit and help out as they haven't got anyone else closer!!) My aunty loves it though 🤣

That said, I would set clear boundaries. A lot of my parent's friends have adult children who really take the piss with free childcare imho, similar to what you experienced with your siblings.

BridieConvert · 15/01/2023 21:30

My girls are 2 and not even 1 so this is a looong way off and there are obviously lots of variables of what could happen in that time.
but
providing I am able, I would happily do childcare 1 day a week while my girls worked, as my mum and MIL have done for me and it is a tremendous help with the cost of childcare. I would also gladly do overnights for nights away/out etc and would happily take them for days out! I have fond memories of my grandparents looking after me (which was a lot - we did not have a particularly great home life) and would love to be that for my girls one day if they needed/wanted me to :)

hennylovespens · 15/01/2023 21:34

prista · 15/01/2023 14:10

Of course health etc makes a big difference - but a lot of the chat on here is about whether otherwise healthy, financially comfortable people with time help. So if that ends up being you, how much would you plan to help out?

I don't think my generation will have the luxury of time and assets on the scale that previous generations have had. That said, if I am able I can't imagine not wanting to.

Sophie89j · 15/01/2023 21:36

I will do as much as I can for my children when they have children. I’m not going to give up work but I’ll happily finish early (work permitted down the line) to collect from school, sleepovers, holidays, even when they’re teeny tiny I’ll happily look after them. If I can help them financially I will, basically I’ll happily do anything to make my children’s lives easier and ensure they have it better than I did.

Alexandra2001 · 15/01/2023 21:37

Stompythedinosaur · 15/01/2023 14:10

Of course! I expect to help my dc in whatever way I can for as long as I can.

^this

My mum helped me, a great deal, of course i'd do all i can... if i couldn't physically ...i would financially if needed or i was able.

Children don't stop being your children just because they grow up.

RosieRainbow1986 · 15/01/2023 21:38

I'd help in any way I can!

hot2trotter · 15/01/2023 21:44

I get no help whatsoever with my 4. I will absolutely help out with my grandchildren if I'm fit and able! I know first hand how hard it is to do it alone.

UsingChangeofName · 15/01/2023 21:47

Children don't stop being your children just because they grow up.

Not, they absolutely don't, but once they are grown up, the responsibility for the daily grind of looking after children lies with the dc's parents, and not the grandparents.

I think there is a HUGE difference between the expectations you see on many threads on here - that (grand)parents commit to regular full days of childcare when their (adult) dc go to work - and what is being asked about on this thread, which is taking them out for a few hours, or babysitting so the parents can have a night out or go to a wedding or something.
One of my dc works long shifts and funny hours that won't tie in with regular childcare, so I am aware of some of the issues, but fortunately their partner works more regular hours, but if both of them worked long shifts, then I would probably expect to help out more. Obviously if any of my dc had an accident or illness, it changes the situation too. But all things being equal, I think it is for them to sort their childcare, as we did when our dc were little, and my parents did when we were little. I don't have the energy I did in my 30s.

bloodyqueues · 15/01/2023 21:47

No
I won't be doing childcare for working days.
I'd enjoy the odd sleepover and day out but it will be all on my terms.
I will have raised my three children single handedly while working full
Time and have and continue to give them every opportunity to pursue their dreams , academically and ot otherwise so they can enjoy comfortable and hopefully happy lives. By doing that I have sacrificed my absolute love of travel , fashion, a relationship and socialising. And have done so with zero regrets or complaints.

I look forward to retiring just as my youngest will be educated and at that stage I hope to enjoy precious time with friends, family and perhaps a special someone and fulfil my travel dreams so I definitely won't be committing to anything structured or regular .

drsp51 · 15/01/2023 21:56

At the moment, I have my toddler GD 1 day a week, but would happily increase that if needed (and my own work allowed). I get to do all the things with her that I missed out on with my own sons due to working full time. I was lucky myself in that my mother took up any slack and helped with them. My other son and wife are expecting their first baby soon but don’t live nearby. I’ll go to help them out whenever I’m asked though

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 15/01/2023 22:06

I have adult kiss. One grandchild. I help out by paying towards her nursery fees.
I never had any help with my 3 and paid for every minute of child care.

HaroldeVwilliam · 15/01/2023 22:10

Yes I'd like to help, it's an honour and a privilege to have GC. But I could only do what I can do, as others have said in terms of distance, money etc
I think more than the helping out I will try and just be a good granny, ask them what they want /need etc. Not foist thing's on them make them feel awkward and under pressure or under mine them.

Mumto32022 · 15/01/2023 22:16

Definitely. I have parents that don’t really help and I would love for them to be more involved or offer to have them for a day or so a month. Depending on my circumstances I would like to offer 1-2 days a week of childcare for them if needed x

Logicalreasoning · 15/01/2023 22:17

Depending my circumstances at the time, I will damn well try... my Nan helped my mum with us, my mum helps with my kids, it’s how I’ve been brought up.

HildasLostSock · 15/01/2023 22:27

Health and finances permitting yes absolutely. I would be reluctant to bail them out financially regularly (unless it was due to things outside of their control, and a one off unquestionably yes if I could) as everyone needs to be able to balance their budget and ultimately it wouldn't be doing them any favours but in terms of practical help I'd be there with bells on if they wanted me. Unfortunately I had my DC late - met DH late 30's plus fertility issues so if they have DC the same age as me I won't be around to meet them much less be of any practical help but that's a different issue.

SmellyNelliey · 15/01/2023 22:33

Absolutely in every way possible I'm likely to be a young nanny by the time I'm 50 my DDs will be 32 30 and 28 and my DS will be 26 so I'm hoping to be a youngish nanny and hopefully I can help.them in every way possible. I'm a sahm with Absolutely no help even though my parents are late 40s early 50s and dps mother passed when he was two so no help there and his father is early 60s but young children are abit much for him.

maddy68 · 15/01/2023 22:34

It depends. I have also done my time and now I want to enjoy life. I'll always help but not if it's a huge commitment I have my own life to lead now

StarDolphins · 15/01/2023 22:38

I absolutely will. Io have no help whatsoever & I don’t want my DD to deal with the stress of working/holiday clubs/money.

i had my DD late at 42 so will be well retired by then anyway.

StopGrowingPlease · 15/01/2023 22:40

If they want my help then of course I'll do what I can but if they want to do it themselves then I hope I can also respect what they want. I have a son so expect a lot of the decisions will come down to his future partner if he has children but either way I will do what is asked of me if it is a reasonable request.