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Original poster

Other than the obvious, what very specific things would cause you to be disappointed in DC when they grew up?

217 replies

Deckthehallswithbenandhollly · 27/12/2022 08:23

I tell my DDs I will love and support all their choices except the following, which would disappoint me:

a) Ever being financially dependent on a man, changing their name on marriage or being 'given away' at a their wedding

b) Voting Tory

c) Being rude to servers/shop floor staff

Beyond the obvious list like not committing murders, what very specific things would upset you? (This is a bit lighthearted and obviously very personal to each of our values)

OP posts:
Blendandmix · 27/12/2022 08:25

Number 1 is super controlling..... wtf

The last two are obvious no one wants rude kids or to vote Tory ffs 😂

Theblackdogagain · 27/12/2022 08:25

Not caring about work, my husband and I have strong work ethics and have earned everything we have. I would be disappointed if they thought fuck it, I can't be aresd

BabyFour2023 · 27/12/2022 08:26

Number 1 😂

I like to think that beyond the obvious; horrific crimes, there’s nothing I wouldn’t support my children with. They have their lives to live and I want them to always be able to come to me and know I’ll have their backs.

RudsyFarmer · 27/12/2022 08:28

Staying in the shitty village we live in for the rest of their lives. I hope they travel and don’t ‘settle down’ with some local family to and have kids at 18.

RudsyFarmer · 27/12/2022 08:28
  • local girl
PermanentTemporary · 27/12/2022 08:29

I suppose drugs are one of the obvious ones, but maybe a bit more upsetting for me as ds is relatively high risk for schizophrenia and related disorders. If he gambles with his mental health like that I'd be absolutely gutted, and that goes for weed too.

If he walks away from a child. I know it's not always a straightforward choice for men but if he ends up a non-resident parent I would expect him to build his life around making it easy to see and be a dad to his child(ren). God that's such a distressing thought though.

RambamThankyouMam · 27/12/2022 08:30

This is a controversial one but I would be disappointed if my daughter married a non-Jew.

mynameiscalypso · 27/12/2022 08:30

I think you might be my mum.

TravellingSpoon · 27/12/2022 08:30

I had eldest DC young, a nd my Mum had me even younger (17 and 16).

I would be disappointed for my DD if she did the same. I want her to experience life, have fun and be selfish before she settles down.

Beginningless · 27/12/2022 08:31

Since you’ve shared your judgy number 1 I’ll add my ones that may offend people which are joining the army or becoming a Christian.

B1993 · 27/12/2022 08:31

I also think the first one on your list is extreme, OP...

Drugs and smoking is something I've never done and honestly would be so what upset if DS did start.

I also envisage that we'll have a close bond as he gets older so I'd hate the thought of him moving to the other side of the world or whatever and would be disappointed that I wouldn't see him regularly, if that happened.

Sagcbots · 27/12/2022 08:31

Aside from being a shitty person, I can’t imagine there’s anything I would be disappointed in them with. As long as they are happy with their lives and are kind and caring. Certain situations aren’t ideal but none of us are perfect.

PuttingDownRoots · 27/12/2022 08:32

"Stupidity crimes" such as drugs, drink driving etc.

Abandoning friends on a night out. I want them to lookout for their friends

Not having their own opinions on marriage politics, finances etc.

MagpiePi · 27/12/2022 08:32

Obviously voting Tory, or being misogynistic, but also being obsessed with money and how much things cost. eg. People who tell you nothing about the actual food they ate at a restaurant but will bang on about how much it cost.

conversely, I am irrationally proud that both of my DCs use a soup spoon, not a dessert spoon, to eat soup.

NoelleSnowman · 27/12/2022 08:32

What is wrong with you? Number 1 is an awful thing to tell your children and not at all lighthearted.

Don’t pretend you’re a feminist and then try to twist and manipulate your children out of taking a particular path.

LadyHester · 27/12/2022 08:33

Not voting.

EarringsandLipstick · 27/12/2022 08:33

Deckthehallswithbenandhollly · 27/12/2022 08:23

I tell my DDs I will love and support all their choices except the following, which would disappoint me:

a) Ever being financially dependent on a man, changing their name on marriage or being 'given away' at a their wedding

b) Voting Tory

c) Being rude to servers/shop floor staff

Beyond the obvious list like not committing murders, what very specific things would upset you? (This is a bit lighthearted and obviously very personal to each of our values)

That's not lighthearted at all!

Your DC will make their own choices. My DSis has chosen to give up work (successful professional) for a while to raise their 4 DC. She's 'financially dependent' I guess but they are happy & a good couple.

For me, I didn't want to be in this position (rightly, given my ex) and so did continue to work.

It's for each individual & couple to navigate.

Nimbostratus100 · 27/12/2022 08:34

misogyny

racism

snobbery

Thinkwicebeforeyouleavemylife · 27/12/2022 08:34

Honestly some of these are quite controlling!

I'd be disappointed if I could see that my DCs were unhappy but weren't reaching out for help and were pretending to be OK .

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 27/12/2022 08:36

Drugs
Drugs
Drugs.
I have seen the devastating affects of drugs.
I cannot and will not support or tolerate drug use. Vehemently against them.

livingfarfromfamily · 27/12/2022 08:36

This is a surprisingly judgemental thread! Unfortunately I would disappoint many of you 😂

Does not being financially dependant on a man also include during maternity leave? As it’s quite hard to avoid that.

CarmenOHara · 27/12/2022 08:37

C) is reasonable. A) and B) are incredibly controlling and short-sighted. If my mother had tried to influence eg whether I took my husband’s name, I’d have told her to shove it. Odd you want your daughter to be independent but still comply with your view of the world (and I say all that as a left wing feminist).

I hope my kids will find work they love and which is meaningful for them. I hope they find partners who respect them or else are happily single. I hope we stay close but I can’t control that. That’s about it.

justasking111 · 27/12/2022 08:39

RudsyFarmer · 27/12/2022 08:28

Staying in the shitty village we live in for the rest of their lives. I hope they travel and don’t ‘settle down’ with some local family to and have kids at 18.

That made me laugh. Both of my DS left for university then eldest apart from a short stint at home went abroad for work had any amazing life for 14 years, came home set up his own business and married a local girl. Other DS has worked on three continents coming home only because he bought a house as an investment. One visit home he met, fell in love and married a local girl.

We all live in the same village again 😅😅

Everydaywheniwakeup · 27/12/2022 08:39

Several things that I keep to myself.
She does know I'd be disappointed if she became a teacher though.

Original poster
Deckthehallswithbenandhollly · 27/12/2022 08:39

@PermanentTemporary

If I had sons that would be on my list too

OP posts: