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Original poster

Other than the obvious, what very specific things would cause you to be disappointed in DC when they grew up?

217 replies

Deckthehallswithbenandhollly · 27/12/2022 08:23

I tell my DDs I will love and support all their choices except the following, which would disappoint me:

a) Ever being financially dependent on a man, changing their name on marriage or being 'given away' at a their wedding

b) Voting Tory

c) Being rude to servers/shop floor staff

Beyond the obvious list like not committing murders, what very specific things would upset you? (This is a bit lighthearted and obviously very personal to each of our values)

OP posts:
ScreamingFrog · 27/12/2022 09:19

I’m a southerner now living Yorkshire. I’ve come to terms that DS1 (a toddler) won’t say grass, bath or castle correctly… but if he ever choose Rugby League over Rugby Union I’m changing the locks.

Before someone jumps down my throat, yes, not liking sport at all is absolutely fine.

DontFeatureMeOnSocialMedia · 27/12/2022 09:20

  1. If they became YouTubers / Instagram influencers or whatever the equivalent will be when they're older.

  2. If they don't do any exercise at all.

MichelleScarn · 27/12/2022 09:22

lifeinthehills · 27/12/2022 09:07

I've always wanted to raise critical thinkers. I'd be disappointed if my children decided their votes based on what I've told them to believe or what would disappoint me. I'd also be disappointed if they chose a life that was designed to please me. I'd be happier if they held different values and opinions on some issues because they've thought about it and reasoned.

This for the best post. I don't understand people who do the 'oh my dc won't think like the hoi-polloi, they'll be absolutely original and vote like me and have their absolute own opinion, exactly as l tell them to'.....

Happyhappyeveryday · 27/12/2022 09:24
  1. Not voting.
2.Not being true to herself and following a path that didn’t sit well with her own ambitions, morals and ethics.
wonderingpondering1 · 27/12/2022 09:25

For me, bring completely financially dependant on a man, being a YouTube, instagrammer, wanting to be a reality TV star etc, so shallow and I’m convinced all these people end up very unhappy! I’d be disappointed if they didn’t want a relationship with me, weren’t close as adults (to me and eachother) but I would be questioning what I’d done to push them away of this happened. Apart from that I will try my best to let them live their own lives and not try and make them into what I want, or think they should be if that makes sense!

Hoolihan · 27/12/2022 09:26

If they vote Tory I'll be horrified obviously.

I'll be sad if they let work/money take over their lives - would love them to travel a lot, have adventures, prioritise fun and creativity.

justasking111 · 27/12/2022 09:26

Odessafile · 27/12/2022 09:01

@justasking111 is it a shitty village though ? Home counties with opportunities in London I wouldn't be too bothered. Northern sinkhole like I live in yes I'd be somewhat disappointed.

No we're in Wales so maybe it's hiraeth that called to them

Hiraeth the call of home, mountains, valleys and the sea.

Blendandmix · 27/12/2022 09:28

Well no, the point is I don't want them to be at risk of being controlled by a man

That's the problem. Im a SAHM. I am not controlled by my husband in the slightest. Very weird thing to assume

MalagaNights · 27/12/2022 09:30

I'd be disappointed if they turned out to be self absorbed narrow minded bigots who believed that people who had differing views to themselves were less worthy.

I'd be disappointed if they weren't critical thinkers and if they didn't have some views which differed from my own at some points.

I'd be disappointed if they were living lives and believing things to please me.

OP your 'lighthearted' desire to control your children and ensure they share your correct views is grotesque.

Butteredtoast55 · 27/12/2022 09:30

Blimey, there are some blinkers on here. It's interesting to see the degree of control people want to have over what their children believe, vote, value or desire from life.
My own would be the obvious: I've seen drink and drugs ruin young lives, and I would always want my sons to make good, responsible choices in their relationships.
As your children get older you do have to adjust your thinking about how you expect their lives to turn out and focus on them being happy, healthy and living a 'successful' life by which I mean purposeful rather than materially successful.

MeinKraft · 27/12/2022 09:31

I'd be most disappointed if they ever protested outside an abortion clinic.

MalagaNights · 27/12/2022 09:32

lifeinthehills · 27/12/2022 09:07

I've always wanted to raise critical thinkers. I'd be disappointed if my children decided their votes based on what I've told them to believe or what would disappoint me. I'd also be disappointed if they chose a life that was designed to please me. I'd be happier if they held different values and opinions on some issues because they've thought about it and reasoned.

Excellent post.

wonderingpondering1 · 27/12/2022 09:33

I should caveat being financially dependent on a man with ‘without good reason’ I suppose what I mean is deliberately marrying a rich man with the intention of not needing to work, being capable of having a career but giving it up as the man says he can ‘provide’. I think it’s so important to retain financial independence if you can..

PortiasBiscuit · 27/12/2022 09:37

Deliberately bullying, exploiting or hurting others for their own gain.

Racism or extreme far right or conspiracy thinking.

Destruction of natural resources without thought.

Ostentatious displays of wealth, numerous cars.. £600 cups of coffee.. that sort of shit.

MrsBigTed · 27/12/2022 09:43

I'll be disappointed if they turn out to be people who can't listen to others, and are just in conversation to wait for their turn to speak

astralpiano · 27/12/2022 09:43

Deckthehallswithbenandhollly · 27/12/2022 08:23

I tell my DDs I will love and support all their choices except the following, which would disappoint me:

a) Ever being financially dependent on a man, changing their name on marriage or being 'given away' at a their wedding

b) Voting Tory

c) Being rude to servers/shop floor staff

Beyond the obvious list like not committing murders, what very specific things would upset you? (This is a bit lighthearted and obviously very personal to each of our values)

A & B are horrible

x2boys · 27/12/2022 09:44

Deckthehallswithbenandhollly · 27/12/2022 08:54

@MarshaBradyo

Oh give over, I said I'd be disappointed if they voted Tory, as I want them to be decent ppl who care about the vulnerable, not that I think I own their vote. They are free to vote how they wish, I am free to be disappointed if they make a choice to support a party that has poor people freezing to death this winter.

The irony as always those vocal left leaners who believe everyone who doesn't vote the way do is a terrible person
I would be very disappointed if my kids grew up.to be judgemental about those who think differently to them.

ChillysWaterBottle · 27/12/2022 09:45

fortheloveofcheesecake · 27/12/2022 09:11

....except your property by the sounds of it. Very controlling and emotionally manipulative. Don't be surprised when they go NC with you.

Show quote history

I see Mumsnet is on a normal one this morning.

squashyhat · 27/12/2022 09:47

To not be curious and open-minded about other countries and cultures

To be deliberately ignorant - popular culture seems to laud people who don't know anything and can't be bothered to learn

To have kids just because it's the done thing or expected. I didn't (so I am clearly a fraud on this thread) and I will never regret it.

RudsyFarmer · 27/12/2022 09:50

Odessafile · 27/12/2022 09:01

@justasking111 is it a shitty village though ? Home counties with opportunities in London I wouldn't be too bothered. Northern sinkhole like I live in yes I'd be somewhat disappointed.

I think that was for me.

I certainly think it’s a shitty village. Yes it has links to employment but in terms of amenities it has zero. Plus I’m out of here as soon as we can actually move so the thought of them settling here is just a dreadful concept.

I want them to fly the nest and stretch their winds. I’m working extremely hard to help them get the best from their (state) education in the hope they both get careers that enable this.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 27/12/2022 09:53

DS is home educated due to ASD.
There are obvious pitfalls such as failing to get qualifications, becoming isolated, not forging an independent adult life.
I worry about these sorts of things for him.
But I would be disappointed in myself rather than him, as I would have failed to equip him with the skills needed to manage his disability and get on in life.

applesandpears33 · 27/12/2022 09:56

I would be disappointed if they became rude, self interested individuals who cared more about money and status than anything else.

Hbh17 · 27/12/2022 09:58

Wanting to dictate how somebody votes is awful! In fact, how would you even know? The whole point of being a democracy is that people can vote for any of the candidates on the ballot paper. It may be disappointing if they don't exercise their democratic rights at all, but that is still their choice ultimately.

Hoolihan · 27/12/2022 09:59

Lot of indignant Tories on this thread 😂

MarshaBradyo · 27/12/2022 10:03

Hoolihan · 27/12/2022 09:59

Lot of indignant Tories on this thread 😂

Or controlling Labour voters 😂

Still if any of them do make sure their dc can think for themselves all good.