Other than the obvious, what very specific things would cause you to be disappointed in DC when they grew up?

[Deckthehallswithbenandhollly]

I tell my DDs I will love and support all their choices except the following, which would disappoint me:

a) Ever being financially dependent on a man, changing their name on marriage or being 'given away' at a their wedding

b) Voting Tory

c) Being rude to servers/shop floor staff

Beyond the obvious list like not committing murders, what very specific things would upset you? (This is a bit lighthearted and obviously very personal to each of our values)

@Blendandmix

Well no, the point is I don't want them to be at risk of being controlled by a man

@Beginningless

Thank you, I did say it was very personal.

I think I agree with yours actually. We are atheist pacifists.

Yes, I'd agree with no. 1 if I had a daughter OP. Agree with 2 and 3 too, but they're obvious 😁

I would be horrified if I discovered my son was delegating all wife-work to his wife (i.e. not buying me presents but expecting her to, not doing his own laundry etc). I'm trying to bring him up to be independent and useful, like his father is (and if he wasn't, I wouldn't have had a child with him in the first place).

I would also be very unhappy if my child joined any part of the army.

I have two boys. I am bringing them up to be kind, inclusive well rounded humans who don't take any shit.

I would be disappointed if they were not kind to and supportive of their spouse/partner, children and others around them.

@NoelleSnowman

I'm trying to protect them, you don't need to spend much time on here to know how dangerous being financially dependent on a man is.

@Everydaywheniwakeup

Are you a teacher?

I would be disappointed if my children grew up to be adults lacking in wisdom.
Wisdom, let’s say, to understand that an individual’s history, life experiences and relationships might lead them to a place where making decisions about, let’s say, who they vote for, or their chosen surname, might be different to mine, and that any disappointment felt should lead to some personal reflection.

Do we not live in a democracy then? I, as it happens, vote tory, but expressly tell my DD she must make her own choices.

I'm hoping for no tattoos.

I’m very disappointed in my older DS. I caught him watching Mrs Brown’s Boys on iPlayer 😂

That’s cute. But our village is seriously the pits. I’d be devastated if we all ended up staying here for the rest of our lives.

@topcat2014

Of course they are free to choose but I'd feel I'd failed to teach them to care about the vulnerable in society if they voted Tory. That's why I'd be disappointed

Being a relationship too soon and being tied down, getting a girl pregnant when only relying on the pill which may "fail" due to antibiotics.

Drugs.

Dossing / sponging off anyone.

Settling for bare minimum from life.

Wow, I didn’t expect such a controlling attitude. You have to raise them to be decent people first and foremost. Your first are ridiculous.

Mine are:

Rudeness towards anyone
Lack of respect towards others
Racist/misogynistic/homophobic etc.,

No you’re not.

Telling your daughters you would be disappointed in them if they change their name upon marriage or were given away or financially dependant is not protection. That is control and manipulation.

If you wanted to protect them you would instead give them the tools to support themselves.

@talkingmorenonsense

I'm simply trying to make sure they don't end up trapped with a man. And I feel changing a name for a man or being given away on marriage are incredibly anti-feminist. They are no one's property.

Good grief, how controlling are you.

You sound delightful

@NoelleSnowman

They have all the tools to support themselves

They’re better off being educated to make their own decisions re voting and lifestyle

They don’t owe you their vote too and it seems more prevalent in the left / Labour to think other women do

To those who would be disappointed if their DC joined the army, can I ask why?

@MarshaBradyo

Oh give over, I said I'd be disappointed if they voted Tory, as I want them to be decent ppl who care about the vulnerable, not that I think I own their vote. They are free to vote how they wish, I am free to be disappointed if they make a choice to support a party that has poor people freezing to death this winter.

OP. Feel exactly like you re name change and relying on a man financially. Becoming a Mrs and denoting you belong to a man can stay in the last century where it belongs.

Other than that I'd be disappointed if my DD used drugs or didn't go to university

I'd be disappointed if they grew up judging people for their choices. I'm trying to raise young women with strong opinions and one of those is 'each to their own'.

But if pressed I'd be disappointed if they married Tottenham supporters 😉

No thanks to ‘give over’ silly phrase. Maybe you’ll rethink how controlling it is. Or they won’t tell you who they vote for.

My dc don’t have to vote as I do, deciding how to vote is down to them.

I'd be disappointed in C. The rest isn't my business really. As long as they are happy and not hurting other people, I don't have to agree with everything my children think and all the choices they make.