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Original poster

Other than the obvious, what very specific things would cause you to be disappointed in DC when they grew up?

217 replies

Deckthehallswithbenandhollly · 27/12/2022 08:23

I tell my DDs I will love and support all their choices except the following, which would disappoint me:

a) Ever being financially dependent on a man, changing their name on marriage or being 'given away' at a their wedding

b) Voting Tory

c) Being rude to servers/shop floor staff

Beyond the obvious list like not committing murders, what very specific things would upset you? (This is a bit lighthearted and obviously very personal to each of our values)

OP posts:
AnnoyTheBobbin · 27/12/2022 10:04

I’m disappointed in anyone who bleats on about Tory evil, labour fantastic - the attitude of a lot of noisy, dull people.

open your minds and accept other people have the right to vote how they like.

Hoolihan · 27/12/2022 10:05

Who said anything about Labour?

tasamoon · 27/12/2022 10:05

lifeinthehills · 27/12/2022 09:07

I've always wanted to raise critical thinkers. I'd be disappointed if my children decided their votes based on what I've told them to believe or what would disappoint me. I'd also be disappointed if they chose a life that was designed to please me. I'd be happier if they held different values and opinions on some issues because they've thought about it and reasoned.

Absolutely this. You can have more interesting conversations with people who don't agree with you in every single way. I'd like my DC to grow up to find their own opinions, and to continue to surprise and teach me as they do now. To become their own people and find their own purposes and joys.

RinklyRomaine · 27/12/2022 10:06

Well, I've never been a Tory voter but if my DD grows to vote for a Labour Party who don't think her rights matter and believe suggesting only women have cervices is 'problematic' I'd wonder wtf I had gone so wrong.

Otherwise, drugs, crime, violence. I hope I will otherwise trust their life choices and bring them up well enough to avoid the current utter disregard for critical thought so they make sensible decisions.

blackheartsgirl · 27/12/2022 10:07

I couldn’t wait to change my name when I got married. I hate my maiden name, I was bullied in school for it, and had comment on it all my life because it’s really unusual.

id be disappointed if my dc grew up to be judgmental and controlling of other peoples choices and vocalised them.

op would you make it clear to your dc that you disapproved if they chose to change their surname etc or is it something you’d keep to yourself.

there’s somethings that I’m not happy with that my ds has done (nothing really bad) but i keep it to myself, I just try to guide him which works sometimes.

Soproudoflionesses · 27/12/2022 10:07

I would be gutted if my daughter ever started smoking

SkiingIsHeaven · 27/12/2022 10:08

I'd be disappointed if they ended up like you OP. Controlling and judgmental.

AliasGrape · 27/12/2022 10:09

I want her to make her own choices and I know many of them will be different to what I might have chosen for her.

Having been a teacher, I think I’d be worried for her if that’s what she chose, but if it’s what she was sure she wanted of course I would support her.

I hope she has more confidence to really go after the things she wants than I did, more faith in her own abilities. I’d be disappointed if she ends up selling herself short, making herself ‘smaller’ or taking the path of least resistance to do what she thinks is easier/ more appropriate/ more what is expected of her. I feel that has been a bit of a theme in my own life and I’d hate her to make those mistakes - but I’d be disappointed FOR her rather than with her, and disappointed in my own parenting too.

Shellsonthesandybeach · 27/12/2022 10:10

Deckthehallswithbenandhollly · 27/12/2022 08:23

I tell my DDs I will love and support all their choices except the following, which would disappoint me:

a) Ever being financially dependent on a man, changing their name on marriage or being 'given away' at a their wedding

b) Voting Tory

c) Being rude to servers/shop floor staff

Beyond the obvious list like not committing murders, what very specific things would upset you? (This is a bit lighthearted and obviously very personal to each of our values)

I’d be disappointed if my DS married a woman who expected their Children to always keep their own names when marrying. How controlling.

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 27/12/2022 10:11

Number 1 is ridiculous.

THisbackwithavengeance · 27/12/2022 10:11

Sagcbots · 27/12/2022 08:54

To those who would be disappointed if their DC joined the army, can I ask why?

I know!

I would love it if my DCs joined the Navy. I once visited a working battleship (HMS something or other) and it was wonderful. Such a fab career and the opportunity to see so much and travel.

However, none of them have expressed any interest in joining any branch of the Armed Forces so far, sadly.

I would be disappointed if they took drugs and if they settled in their home town without seeing any of the world first.

Apart from that, I'm ok.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 27/12/2022 10:13

@Deckthehallswithbenandhollly

Being a free independent thinker trumps all, and to question everything. I would be extremely disappointed if they followed or did what I wanted them to do politically.

Demanding they follow the same tribe as you turns politics away from libral democracy into tribal brain washed politics...

TidyDancer · 27/12/2022 10:14

I'd be disappointed by any racist, homophobic, misogynistic etc views. Or belief in gender ideology crap.

I would also be very upset if they wilfully caused harm to others.

THisbackwithavengeance · 27/12/2022 10:15

Deckthehallswithbenandhollly · 27/12/2022 08:54

@MarshaBradyo

Oh give over, I said I'd be disappointed if they voted Tory, as I want them to be decent ppl who care about the vulnerable, not that I think I own their vote. They are free to vote how they wish, I am free to be disappointed if they make a choice to support a party that has poor people freezing to death this winter.

Give over, OP. Do you think the average Labour politician gives a fuck about working class people, especially if they're Northerners?

They despise us. At least the Tories are honest about it.

Hobbesmanc · 27/12/2022 10:17

I'd just be happy to see them happy and well. Do people really care who their kids vote for. My parents and in laws all voted Tory. But I loved them very much.

ConfusedmumUC · 27/12/2022 10:19

As the mum of two daughters, if they voted labour after being aware that labour want to strip away their rights as women and ensure rapists, sex offenders and the mentally unhinged gender nutters have access to their private spaces… yeah I think I’d be bloody disappointed.

TheOldLadyOfThreadneedleStreet · 27/12/2022 10:20

Becoming religious
Drug use
lack of ambition, not using their many abilities
having a narrow view of life, no interest in the world

BabyFour2023 · 27/12/2022 10:22

ConfusedmumUC · 27/12/2022 10:19

As the mum of two daughters, if they voted labour after being aware that labour want to strip away their rights as women and ensure rapists, sex offenders and the mentally unhinged gender nutters have access to their private spaces… yeah I think I’d be bloody disappointed.

great post.

Polkadotties · 27/12/2022 10:22

Well I’ve done number 1 and 2. I must be such a disappointment to my parents 🙄

MalagaNights · 27/12/2022 10:25

I have children who vote in totally opposite ways to one another and who debate it frequently but still love each other.

I take some pride in this.

BedTaker · 27/12/2022 10:26

I would be disappointed if my kids were not critical thinkers and believed that people who have different views to them are bad people.

FlemCandango · 27/12/2022 10:37

I think I have to trust my children to be capable of independent thinking and make good decisions on the information they have at the time. I do not live in a world of absolutes, there could be context for any of the list in the op.

  1. choosing to marry someone who would like a trad wedding is not a crime, being financially dependent is contextual as it may switch between the people in a committed relationship at different stages in a lifetime together.

  2. voting Tory could be tactical if the context of the election / area they lived in made it so. I am a socialist in a Tory safe seat so my vote has been meaningless for decades.

  3. service staff can be twats, speaking as someone who has worked in those roles, and public facing public sector roles. Being kind should not mean being a doormat.

I place huge importance on being empathetic and pragmatic - what is the desired outcome? I have no time for being judgemental. To err is human and as far as I know my kids are human.

TeaAndStrumpets · 27/12/2022 10:39

MalagaNights · 27/12/2022 10:25

I have children who vote in totally opposite ways to one another and who debate it frequently but still love each other.

I take some pride in this.

You are right to be proud!

I am out the other end of parenting, with much older children. They have made me proud in ways I could never have imagined, but I really value their individuality and compassion.

JackieDaws · 27/12/2022 10:46

RudsyFarmer · 27/12/2022 08:28

Staying in the shitty village we live in for the rest of their lives. I hope they travel and don’t ‘settle down’ with some local family to and have kids at 18.

You do realise that your children are locals too? Do you see yourself as being better than everyone else around you?

Aquasulis · 27/12/2022 10:54

I be gutted if they thought I had any right to influence them on how they vote, what their job or career is, their name, who they marry of if they even do, where they live or how many children they have, or I could influence them in any way.

I want them to think for themselves and if they wanted to be a Tory Mp, labour MP, or set up their own party - they have my full support