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Original poster

Other than the obvious, what very specific things would cause you to be disappointed in DC when they grew up?

217 replies

Deckthehallswithbenandhollly · 27/12/2022 08:23

I tell my DDs I will love and support all their choices except the following, which would disappoint me:

a) Ever being financially dependent on a man, changing their name on marriage or being 'given away' at a their wedding

b) Voting Tory

c) Being rude to servers/shop floor staff

Beyond the obvious list like not committing murders, what very specific things would upset you? (This is a bit lighthearted and obviously very personal to each of our values)

OP posts:
RudsyFarmer · 27/12/2022 10:54

JackieDaws · 27/12/2022 10:46

You do realise that your children are locals too? Do you see yourself as being better than everyone else around you?

Show quote history

Yes!!!!!

Motnight · 27/12/2022 10:57

pompomdaisy · 27/12/2022 09:19

Becoming a narcissistic mother 😉

😬

Simonjt · 27/12/2022 11:07

I would be disappointed if they lived their lives to please others, rather that doing what they genuinely want to do.

Annoyingwurringnoise · 27/12/2022 11:11

I would be disappointed in my DS, and he knows it, if he expects a woman to do everything for him, and if he’s ever a deadbeat like his father.

DomesticShortHair · 27/12/2022 11:16

By far the biggest would be if they ended up becomIng an avid poster on Mumsnet. For reasons, see above.

RudsyFarmer · 27/12/2022 11:23

DomesticShortHair · 27/12/2022 11:16

By far the biggest would be if they ended up becomIng an avid poster on Mumsnet. For reasons, see above.

🤣

caringcarer · 27/12/2022 11:29

I'd be disappointed if any of my 3 DC chose to smoke. Luckily they all hate smoking and no e smoke.

Anything else it's their life and I would support them always.

Nameneeded · 27/12/2022 11:33

Joining the army or becoming pregnant when younger than 20 ish.

Sagcbots · 27/12/2022 11:35

It does offer some amazing opportunities. I come from a family of generations of being in the army and DH is in the army now. If my DC wanted to join when he is older, I would fully support them. I wondered if PP wouldn’t support for fear of what may happen to their DC, or for some other reason? I’ve seen on mumsnet before people saying they don’t agree with war etc, which I’ve never understood because they comfortably live in a country protected by its armed forces and the armed forces often pick up the pieces when the country goes to pot - strikes etc (not that I am against the strikes - I fully support NHS staff striking).

Sagcbots · 27/12/2022 11:36

Sagcbots · 27/12/2022 11:35

It does offer some amazing opportunities. I come from a family of generations of being in the army and DH is in the army now. If my DC wanted to join when he is older, I would fully support them. I wondered if PP wouldn’t support for fear of what may happen to their DC, or for some other reason? I’ve seen on mumsnet before people saying they don’t agree with war etc, which I’ve never understood because they comfortably live in a country protected by its armed forces and the armed forces often pick up the pieces when the country goes to pot - strikes etc (not that I am against the strikes - I fully support NHS staff striking).

Sorry that was in reply to @THisbackwithavengeance

Tempyname · 27/12/2022 11:44

1 and 2 are somewhat controlling and whilst I can understand it’s not what you’d want, it will be more productive not to force your views on them and accept that you won’t like all their choices. Otherwise you’re basically forcing them between having their own choices or living life only in the way you’ll be most pleased with! I suspect in practice they’d do what they want anyway and just lie to you!

titchy · 27/12/2022 11:45

Deckthehallswithbenandhollly · 27/12/2022 08:47

@topcat2014

Of course they are free to choose but I'd feel I'd failed to teach them to care about the vulnerable in society if they voted Tory. That's why I'd be disappointed

You do know the two aren't mutually exclusive Hmm

bloodyplanes · 27/12/2022 11:50

If my kids turned into judgemental control freaks...bit like some of the pp on this thread Confused

Shinyandnew1 · 27/12/2022 11:50

Number 1 is extremely controlling! If my daughter was getting married and wanted to change her name, that would be 100% her choice and nothing to do with me.

Agree about voting Tory. Not voting at all would be on the list as well.

IncompleteSenten · 27/12/2022 11:54

To me the obvious includes being rude to people or just generally being a twat so I'd say excluding the horrific and the obvious, there's nothing that would make me disappointed in them.
There's lots of things that would make me disappointed/sad for them eg them not having the life they want, them being unhappy but I can't think of any life choices they could make that weren't harming others that would leave me disappointed in them.

Draconis · 27/12/2022 12:10

I'm quite centrist so wouldn't care which way they voted as long as they've thought about it and are engaged.

The main thing that would disappoint me would be if they were lazy. Laziness stops you looking after yourself, your environment, your career and your family.

AuxArmesCitoyens · 27/12/2022 12:57

Not disappointed in them, but for them - if they never read for pleasure. It's been such a huge part of my life and I'd be sad if they didn't find enjoyment in it themselves.

MaryJean87 · 27/12/2022 13:02

Being an all round unpleasant person. The type of school/ workplace bully that thrives on making other people feel humiliated.

HerReputationMadeItDifficultToProceed · 27/12/2022 13:40

The only truly disappointing thing that my daughters could truly do as far as I'm concerned would be to be unhappy and not seek help in some form. Everything else I could forgive, I truly mean that.

Oystersandwhelks · 27/12/2022 13:48

I hate having to say this and I understand that it's controversial. But in view of, in particular, global warming and how quickly it's happening, I will be disappointed if they have children. I think that life will become very difficult in my children's lifetime, and that it will become extremely difficult in their children's lifetime, if they do have children.

CarmenOHara · 27/12/2022 14:00

Surely in the course of a long relationship it’s normal to support one another sometimes- I supported DH when he was made redundant, he supported me on mat leave etc. I think being disappointed if your daughter ever relies on a man financially is crazy, and sets her up to be one of those poor women who occasionally post on here about how they’re trying to be financially independent but it seems unfair that they’re struggling by on stat maternity pay, still paying half the rent, while their other half spends his salary on designer clothes and holidays with his mates. Sometimes supporting one’s partner is the fair thing to do, while insisting on separate finances (when you have DC together and one partner is taking a financial hit) can be downright abusive.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 27/12/2022 14:25

Well!

I have news for you. That's not at all light hearted, that's just a tad weird!

If you have a daughter and she asks her dad to give her away, changes her name she may be like me. It took a few years to fully dawn on me but

I asked my dad to walk me down the aisle and hand me over to DH so he'd know he no longer had control of me. He had literally given me away, to match all the times he had given away my possessions, my time, my autonomy.

And I couldn't wait to change my name. DSis never married. She changed her name just to break that connection.

As for the voting Tory... you'll never know. I imagine that 'light hearted' comment stifles any free political discussion in your house.

Best message for your kids... You love them. You don't have any measure they could fail to meet.

And manners cost nothing. If they end up being rude to servers that's on you. You grew them!

lljkk · 27/12/2022 14:26

the word "disappointed" is doing too much heavy lifting in OP.
I am sad about some things DC are like/have done, but it's personal, I'm not sharing the details here, anyway.

One of my cousins makes great money fitting eyelash extensions. It sounds like a naff job but she's a lovely person & makes great money. My friend's son is divorcing mother of his children but he is still hands-on with his kids & has a nice new girlfriend. One of my kids is a master procrastinator but he can work brilliantly under pressure. DS votes Tory but guess what, he cares about the wider society. If you can't see positives in choices they make, you will be doomed to chronic dissatisfaction of your own making.

Cracklingfire1 · 27/12/2022 15:23

@Deckthehallswithbenandhollly I think you might have hit a nerve with a lot of posters OP. I wouldn't necessarily be disappointed with my DDs if they did that but I do wonder why so many women go along with the whole misogyny of your option 1. Misogyny is truly ingrained isn't it?

WhatLikeItsHard · 27/12/2022 16:51

I'd be disappointed if my future daughter ever faked an orgasm, became religious and/or anti choice, smoked, or didn't like her body.

I wouldn't necessarily be disappointed in her for doing those things, but I would be disappointed it was how things turned out.