Other than the obvious, what very specific things would cause you to be disappointed in DC when they grew up?

[Deckthehallswithbenandhollly]

I tell my DDs I will love and support all their choices except the following, which would disappoint me:

a) Ever being financially dependent on a man, changing their name on marriage or being 'given away' at a their wedding

b) Voting Tory

c) Being rude to servers/shop floor staff

Beyond the obvious list like not committing murders, what very specific things would upset you? (This is a bit lighthearted and obviously very personal to each of our values)

I would be disappointed if any of my girls changed their name without any thought, equally I’d be disappointed if they kept their name purely because others feel they should. My biggest hope for them is that they’ll be thinkers and when they do things it’s because they’ve thought about all sides and decided what is best for them and what they want.

Id be slightly disappointed if any of mine are people pleasers. I am and it’s been to my detriment. I’ve worked hard not to be like that round my kids in the hope they don’t develop it.

I’d also be deeply disappointed if any of mine became bad neighbours. Shitty, especially noisy, neighbours are among the worst kind of torture.

Some of these are shocking to be honest and very judgemental.

I’d be disappointed if my children were involved in anything illegal or immoral. Or if they were nasty bullies.

Everything else is their decision and as long as they have good reason / a thought process behind it, then good for them.

I don’t vote Tory but if they wanted to and could hold a reasoned conversation about why they felt they were the best choice, I wouldn’t be disappointed in them.

If DD wanted to change her name and be a SAHM and understand the personal career implications and felt it was the right choice for her, again I’d not be disappointed in her.

I’m bringing them up to be independent and to think critically for themselves. Not to be a mirror of my own thoughts. I don’t expect to always agree with them, it’s horrible to say that I’d be disappointed in them if they make decisions that are perfectly legal.

🤯

Besides the obvious like drugs or crime, I would be disappointed if they lacked mental resilience and became eternal children expecting to live at home and be ‘supported’. I’m going to do my utmost to make them as capable and independent as I can.

Not having independence or drive. I really don't care what they do career-wise and I hope I'll feel that we've done our best by them in terms of academic support, but if they aren't self-motivated I think I would be disappointed. DH and I both came very far from where we started, and I often wonder if my kids - raised in relative luxury, without a proverbial sword hanging over them - won't have that motivation.

I employ a 15 year old and she's just the best - works reliably and thoughtfully, communicates well, and fits in a host of other work around her studies - and I often want to stop her parents and ask for their tips!

If my sons ever identified as women or non-binary I would be more than disappointed.

Wow some awful parents on this thread. Enjoy your star appearances on the Stately homes thread in a few years time.

But antisemitism is universally considered a form of racism, and condemned as such. So if jews are (in one sense) a racial definition, so must non-jews be.

So it would be OK to be disappointed if my daughter married a non-white person?

If that poster would also be upset if her child married a Jewish convert, or a black Jew, you might have a point, but I don’t see anything in her post to suggest she would mind that at all.

You can’t convert your ethnicity, obviously.

There are Jews of all ethnicities and anyone can convert to Judaism. So yes, if a person would be upset if their child would marry a Black or Asian Jew that is racist. Although sometimes that is about culture. A sefardi Jewish family might prefer their child to marry another sefardi (or vice versa) since customs and culture may be different, although that sort of marriage is very very common nowadays. Just like a pair of middle class british people would prefer their kids marry into a similar background rather than bringing home someone from an entirely different class/background/religion/country.

Anti-semitism is a funny thing since it can refer to hatred of an ethnic entirely non practicing Jew - eg Hitler targeted people with one Jewish grandparent who had nothing to do with Judaism.

Or it can be directed against the white British person who converts and becomes Jewish, they will also now be potentially a target of antisemitism for being Jewish.

I would tell my dc I would be disappointed if they blindly listened to my personal views on generic decisions in their relationships or politics instead of forming their own opinions.

My parents never even asked me how I voted, and they certainly would never have tried to influence it.

I would be gutted if my kids voted Tory - my mum voted Tory at the last election, and voted for Brexit...she also liked Trump - we don't talk about it! 😐

I'd be really disappointed if my DDs put a man above their DCs - and if I had a son I would really struggle if he walked away from his child.

Yeah I don't get all these people who give so much of a shit about how other people vote? I have friends who vote Tory, even though I (don't think!) I ever would. I know couples where one person is a real Tory boy type and the other is a leftie. I believe that my own parents vote Labour or Tory depending on the candidate that election. I can't imagine really caring that much how my own kids vote?

The only thing that would piss me off would be if I knew that they were only getting all their info from limited biased sources and weren't thinking critically about things. Like, I wouldn't like it if they read pages like Britain First and believed everything they read on there! But I would feel the same if they were forming their opinions from reading Novara Media or Pink News.

Anti-semitism is a funny thing since it can refer to hatred of an ethnic entirely non practicing Jew - eg Hitler targeted people with one Jewish grandparent who had nothing to do with Judaism.

Or it can be directed against the white British person who converts and becomes Jewish, they will also now be potentially a target of antisemitism for being Jewish.

In theory, maybe. In practice though it's always about race/ethnicity, isn't it?

I still fail to see how we can all deplore Hitler for targeting jews as a race, jews themselves can call themselves a race and seek protection from "racist" discrimination, and yet when somebody says they would disapprove of their child's decision to marry a non-jew, it's apparently got nothing to do with race,

If the poster feels that strongly about her daughter continuing to believe and practise the tenets of the religion, she can teach them as well as she can and demonstrate their value, and then leave her to make an informed decision. Anything beyond that is social/communal pressure applied to keeping people part of the "in group" they're born to - which blurs the line between philosophical teaching and ethnicity, call it what you will.

I find all forms of racial and religious supremacism equally abhorrent, so I don't suppose the definition matters that much.

Scaredoff, are you saying that its ok to be antisemitic because (in your opinion) some Jews are racist for wanting their children to marry other Jews? (Which may be for religious, cultural or other reasons)

I mean, i've experienced antisemitism from a Black person, doesnt mean I think that makes it ok to be racist towards Black people. I just think that particular person who yelled abuse at me was a sad, disturbed person.

In theory, maybe. In practice though it's always about race/ethnicity, isn't it?

In practice its the visible Jews - religious Jews wearing distinctive clothes, those wearing kippot or star of david jewellery, those attending Jewish schools or synsgogues or shopping in kosher stores, those public figures who are Jewish who are likely to experience antisemitism.

When I am with male relatives wearing kippot I get antisemitic remarks.

I dont think people who convert to Judaism are immune from that

If she escaped from our attic

I'd be disappointed if DD didn't have a strong work ethic.

I'd prefer her not to have any tattoos and hope she doesn't even think about babies until she's over 30.

Haven't RTFT. But I'd be massively disappointed if any of my DCs smoked. I started smoking in my teens, because I wanted to be part of the 'cool crowd'. I continued to smoke throughout my 20s and into my 30s. Giving up was so, so hard. I wasted so much money on it, and I must have stank to high heaven without noticing. Thankfully, my kids don't seem to have it on their radar, and I don't know of any of their friends smoking. It seems pretty outdated nowadays, which is a good thing.

Oddly I would be ok with my kids voting differently to me, it shows independent thinking. I would be disappointed if the treated their own partners and children badly, I’d really hope me and DH set a good example. If they joined a cult and cut us off. If they ever stop taking the piss out of me or each other and became deadly serious I’d be sad.

Scaredoff, are you saying that its ok to be antisemitic because (in your opinion) some Jews are racist for wanting their children to marry other Jews?

No, I don't know how you got that from my words. I'm saying both are not OK.

Obviously voting tory.
Eating pizza with pineapple on.
Hunting for sport.