Revenge secret Santa for the office b£#@!

[Surewhyknot]

I'm looking for the worst, most subtle insulting secret Santa gift for the office stirrer.. limit is £10 and we're opening them in person.

I'm torn between a pair of secondhand socks or a homemade loo roll cozy al la your grandma!

What are the worst you've had? Can I cast insult without being too overt??

This thread just makes me really glad I'm now self-employed and work alone.

It IS bitchy and vile to use an office secret Santa to publicly hurt and humiliate someone.

If you genuinely don’t see this, then you’re probably a bully too

Giving OP the benefit of the doubt, they might have wanted to see all the things that they would only dream of doing as it would be too nasty.
Going subtle means that any intent could fly over someone's head.
I hope you weren't actually going to do this, OP.

To @NeverDropYourMooncup
And @Bobblemymind
I wish the flowers were real

If I remember correctly it was actually people that got on well, it wasn't actually an act of bullying. I'm pretty sure they bought them nice things with it. It was a joke amongst friends in this case. I'd otherwise agree!

I do see why it’s so tempting, OP, but as my DM used to say, ‘Don’t sink to their level.’ Maintain the high ground.
A good way to vent your feelings about someone nasty or bitchy, is to write them a letter saying exactly what you think - and then rip it up or burn it,

I did say letter, not email - they can be lethal if accidentally sent!!

Plant a tree on her behalf. Costs about £5 store.treesnottees.com/and then you have £5 left for a box of chocolates/Christmas mug.

Years ago I worked with a woman who I absolutely couldn't stand. She was rude and bitchy. I drew her in secret santa and planned to get her a crap present. Colleagues at work thought this was a great idea, my sister told me not to be a dickhead. I listened to my sister. The woman in question had photos of her grandchildren blu tacked to her computer. I bought a relatively cheap picture frame with 'Family' engraved on the side and on the day of the party, once everyone had left to attend, quickly removed the pictures and put them in the frame, wrapped it and put it in the sack. The look on her face when she opened it was a picture, she was really moved. She said she hadn't expected such a thoughtful gift as she thought everyone hated her.

Ooh I like that. Thanks for the link!

Aside from the fact that we already have too many I think I’d like this gift.

I’ve disentangled myself from SS this year, having been told by the person who always gives the sort of toiletries you buy for a child that I buy rubbish presents 😂. I just thought, why am I doing this? Most of the time people don’t like what they get so it lies around the house gathering dust.

Anyway, to all the people who have been on the receiving end of SS based twattery, I’m sorry that you were treated like this. Those who think it’s hilarious to be a twat, read and reread how people feel when they open these presents then have a word with yourself.

I agree with you @Derbee . Bullies rarely see themselves as bullies. Worse still, they often have hangers on, whom they don't bully yet and who they get validated by. Bullies let our their own insecurities, frustrations and anger when they feel they can get away with it. They are cowards and have no ability to regulate their hostility. The OP could easily go through the proper channels to deal with the office 'stirrer' and keep her own self respect. Humiliating her colleague in front of everyone at work is such a low thing to consider. It is an act of bullying whether the 'office stirrer' has cause issues prior or not.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER your mum and Michelle Obama. Its probably the best way..

I used to know a teacher who was a right bitch. She told us that as a teacher she only ever wanted bottles of wine and her worst end of term present present was candles... if she had have been my DCs teacher I would have been tempted to buy her a pack of plain utilitarian candles, but luckily she wasn't.

What‘a wrong with a mug?

One year the office bitch got me for secret santa.

I'd had a run in with one of the managers where someone had brought in shortbread. I went back for a second piece, and he announced to the office that there would be none left for anyone else because fatty was eating it all. I snapped at him and it started a bit of a war, he was very childish and gave me the silent treatment for months.

He and the office bitch were cosy and guess what I got? A box of shortbread

I was the joke of the office and it really hurt, it was hard to not let it show.

If you dont want to put any thought into it get her a gift card or give her the tenner. You never know why she is the way she is

I wouldn't want a mug but only because I already have loads of them and a box in the garage with a few more in that I can't bring myself to get rid of :)

If you give someone an obviously nasty gift or something out of date or used YOU look like the c*nt not her and its you people will go against for bullying because you are making her the victim.

I think if you must generic crap is the way to not seem like a bitch yourself, vouchers are so impersonal, most people hate generic bath sets (some even think your insiunating they smell), box of cheap chocolates, wierd smelling candle, a tacking slogan pencil case and pens or mug (example: live, laugh, love or prosecco time), a bottle of cheap wine that tastes like cats piss, an ugly xmas tree orniment, scarf in a garish colour/pattern etc... non out of place at a secret santa and non embarrasing to open but give the message that you 'didn't care or try'.

I have always got shit secret santas, dispite working with 90% women I somehow always get picked by the guy. The worst I ever got was a pamphlet from the lobby (I going to guess he forgot) so any of the above would have been better.

This is not a "joke gift" the OP specifically says she wants to insult her colleague and asks for people's "worst examples".

Publicly humiliating someone like this is bullying. There is nothing "pious and twatty" about pointing that out.

And we tell our children to play nicely...

Cliff Richard unofficial 2023 calendar

always goes down well as an unwanted joke gift

Haha I am gobsmacked by everyone piling onto the Op running them down and calling them a bully. The irony

Maybe the Op hadn’t thought it through. Just give your examples of why it doesn’t work and leave it at that.

I’ve known of someone lose their job because of their ‘funny’ secret Santa.
I’ve seen a number of colleagues being hurt and bemused by their gifts.
Just get her something very generic.

Don’t be like her - I like the phrase when they go low, we go high.

How old are you, OP, exactly?

That's a brilliant book!

No, I'm not a bully, I'm an anti-bully, as evinced by me standing up for a lot of OPs who get piled on by MNers.

I also look at nuance and it was pretty clear to me that OP's intention was not to publicly hurt or humiliate this woman, which the people who suggested a Baylis & Harding set, for example, understood.

Don't do it, don't be that person.

TBH I can’t think why SS is still a thing - mostly tat that people don’t want or need - especially now. If offices really feel the need to do something, why not get everyone to bring in a few ££ worth for the food bank.