terrified of having a son

[givinga]

I haven't started TTC yet because I am terrified I may end up with a son. I have gone to three counsellors to talk this through but I still come to the same conclusion. I am not looking for suggestions to talk to counsellors because it isn't helpful.

My brother was so horrible to my mother growing up and continues to torment her in his adulthood. He gets joy in making her upset and being difficult. He lives with her and I feel terrible for her. I dread to think I could have a son like that. My sister is lovely to my mum and I have looked after alot of girls while babysitting and they have all be wonderful. I looked after two little boys and they were nice boys but very aggressive with each other and lots of fighting despite being so young. This has only reinforced my theory.

My DP is wonderful but he sounds like a nightmare child the way his mother has described him, very boisterous and disobedient. He agrees.

I thought it may help to hear stories of some well behaved boys. Any suggestions to help me get over the fear that I may have a son?

Please do not have a baby.

You reap what you sow!

Or rather than it being some genetic fault carried on the Y Chromosome, perhaps there's a culture of permissive parenting around boys which leads into poor partner choices and further generations of badly behaved boys.

My sons are raised based on how their father acts and treats me so I'm confident in having three lovely sons

Mmm maybe - but personality traits are absolutely inherited too. My brother is the carbon copy of my dad, who did not raise him.

I have an adult son and grandsons. My son is a very nice, kind and loving man. My gc are sweet and cuddly most of the time like all small children.

Your brother was just horrible, it’s nothing to do with him being male,

What's your DP like towards you, OP?

Well I have one of each and to be honest my son is the much nicer person of the 2. my dd has always been incredibly self centred, selfish doesn't care about anybody but herself and she has always been this way for some reason. My son on the other hand has always been much more kind, caring and considerate of others. Even other people have commented on the difference between the 2 of them. They're all different with different personalities.

I hope you don't have sons too. Poor them.

It's a shame you feel like this when there are so many women in the world that would absolutely love the thought of being able to have a child when they can't.

What a surprise.

Not.

IT'S A TROLL

Until you have had therapy or something to get over the childhood trauma that has left you like this - please don’t ttc.

I have two boys and the youngest is the most loving, caring child. He’s 22 now. Tells me he loves me every night before bed. Checks in on me if im away at the chaps for the weekend or travelling with work.

I couldn’t imagine not having my two boys.

you get what you get when you conceive.. so please please please don’t ttc u til you can see boys aren’t evil creatures.

genetics and environment are factors in making monsters of either sex.

I honestly think you should not have children at this point in your life.

what if your baby is a boy? What will you do. Treat him unfavourably? Make him feel like a disappointment and unloved because you think he will turn out like your brother?

don’t do it

A load of internet strangers all saying ‘my kid is great.’ isn’t going to change anything is it?

Why do you want a kid? What do you have to offer, as parents? Does climate catastrophe concern you? These are just basic things anyone thinking about getting impregnated should be able to answer-for themselves (not me!)

How would you prevent your sexist opinions impacting a child?

What's going on? MN said they were pulling the thread about 2 and a half hours ago.

My little boy is 2 and is very sweet and sensitive. He gives lots of cuddles and kisses, and is quite a wee softie. If he hears another child crying he asks me if "baby with mummy or daddy?" He's honestly the best little boy ever, even a little too sweet sometimes and other children know they can just take whatever they want from him and he won't complain. He just walks off and finds something else to do, and if another child hits or pushes him, he just comes crying looking for cuddles. He doesn't hit back.

I know it must be difficult when you've had such a horrible experience with your brother, but there are also so many lovely boys out there (my little brother is another, such a lovely lad who is a bit naive with the world).

My boy is very gentle and affectionate. Very kind with other children. He does like to fight with my husband but only with him, and he doesn't push past limits, just pretending to be a superhero and stuff.

Not another one (troll; also MN taking ages to take threads down?)

Depends. It's that balance of letting them be independent. Supporting them. Genuinely encouraging their own interests. And not hating them for any perceived shortcomings of their sex/gender. My ds could change tomorrow but so far we have a pretty good relationship. I can see that he is a bit rude to me sometimes, but it's for the sake of honesty about why he doesn't like something, not a personal attack on me. We have many loving moments. And I so deeply cherish him. I also have a dd whom I cherish and could say the same about. What you can take away from what you think you see is what can I do differently to prevent that. Also know you may end up with just that.

All the best

My sister was awful to both parents growing up and shes still vile now.
My sons are very boisterous and can get over excited but they are so cuddly and affectionate.
It's the personality, not the gender.