Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DP left with my bank card, no response. I'm worried and can't sleep.

203 replies

Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 01:48

Disclaimer, there has been infidelity in the past which I found out about after he left in the middle of a night and sent me a text for me to wake up to.. so admittedly I'm super anxious at any sign of anything being amiss.

He works nights and always texts me on his break at 12.15. Tonight he asked if he could borrow my bank card to get himself something to eat on his break as he doesnt get paid until next week, no problem.

I remembered we need nappies so I text him at 11ish asking him to pick some up on his way home in the morning. No reply. Unusual for him.

His break comes and goes, radio silence. I thought perhaps his phone had died but it rings when I call (it wouldn't get him into trouble, he has it on silent at work anyway)

I'm flitting between thinking he's had an accident to then thinking he has done a bunk again. I'm royally screwed without my bank card.

Is anybody around to talk to me? Please be kind, I have PND and I'm a little fragile atm.

OP posts:
ofwarren · 15/10/2022 01:51

Do you have online banking to check your balance?

Original poster
Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 01:52

ofwarren · 15/10/2022 01:51

Do you have online banking to check your balance?

I do but I've used it multiple times today (including at his place of work) so I wouldn't be able to pinpoint anything smaller transactions I don't think.

I'll check to see if there's any notable discrepancies now.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 15/10/2022 01:53

Please say you didn't give him your pin!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
ofwarren · 15/10/2022 01:54

If this was me I'd transfer my balance into my savings account for tonight and then tomorrow I'd go into my bank with ID, withdraw enough cash for the week and get a stop put on my bank card.

Original poster
Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 01:55

Nothing noticeable on my banking transactions.

£3.30 has gone out to TFL, I made one bus trip yesterday so the other £1.50 odd will be him going to work or wherever else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 01:56

He does have my pin yes, we know one another's.

I'll see if I can put a block on the card.

I can't believe this shit. He knows I'm suffering with panic attacks at the minute and I'd worry if I don't hear from him.

Baby will be awake before long and I can't sleep at all ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 01:58

I feel so sick

OP posts:
ofwarren · 15/10/2022 02:01

Usually blocking the card will mean you cannot access it till a new card is posted to you. Mine takes about a week.
Can you transfer your money elsewhere or withdraw what you need first?

SD1978 · 15/10/2022 02:02

If he does need to buy himself something. To eat and you block the card, that kinda negates him borrow Ing it- and he won't be able to get home in the morning either if he's using it for his bus fare.

Original poster
Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 02:02

I can transfer it into my savings so I'll do that instead of blocking the card.

I don't understand whats going on he always texts me bang on his break time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 02:04

SD1978 · 15/10/2022 02:02

If he does need to buy himself something. To eat and you block the card, that kinda negates him borrow Ing it- and he won't be able to get home in the morning either if he's using it for his bus fare.

His break is 12-15 every night and there's no new transactions for his place of work beyond the specific amount I spent in there this morning so he definitely hasn't bought anything for his lunch.

He has used it for the bus, that I can see.

OP posts:
NewBootsAndRanty · 15/10/2022 02:09

Leave a fiver or something in for if it's needed, transfer the rest to your savings.

Hope everything turns out to have a really boring explanation.

Original poster
Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 02:11

NewBootsAndRanty · 15/10/2022 02:09

Leave a fiver or something in for if it's needed, transfer the rest to your savings.

Hope everything turns out to have a really boring explanation.

I hope so too.

It sounds pathetic but I always view him borrowing my card as reassurance that he'll be coming back as even though he cheated I would never suspect him of stealing from me iykwim.

Ugh I don't know what to think, my head is a mess.

This is so bloody unhealthy.

OP posts:
justloveandlightx · 15/10/2022 02:19

What is the nature of his job OP? Is it something where he may get swept into being too busy to text?
I know you said he always does but you never know. Hope he gets in contact soon, must be so nerve wracking. Flowers

Felicity42 · 15/10/2022 02:21

Your mind is running away with itself.
Then you are buying into that thought as if it were true.

Can you listen to a mindfulness app in one ear to relax you and help you sleep.

He didn't leave with your card, not really.
You loaned him your card to buy lunch.

I'd say he forgot to text. Human error.
That's the most likely reason.

Original poster
Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 02:24

justloveandlightx · 15/10/2022 02:19

What is the nature of his job OP? Is it something where he may get swept into being too busy to text?
I know you said he always does but you never know. Hope he gets in contact soon, must be so nerve wracking. Flowers

He works in a supermarket as a supervisor, he's on the shop floor alot of the time replenishing stock and things like that.

He always has his phone in his pocket though and sometimes sends the odd text pre break to ask me if we need anything picking up, asks how our baby doing etc. It's really uncharacteristic of him to not be in touch.

I don't know if it's the PND or unresolved trauma from him leaving us before but the first thing my mind springs to is that he's done a runner again.

I dont think I'm going to get any sleep tonight now.

He knows I'll be worried and in the absence of a broken phone (ruled out by calling him) there's no excuse really 🙁

OP posts:
Original poster
Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 02:26

Felicity42 · 15/10/2022 02:21

Your mind is running away with itself.
Then you are buying into that thought as if it were true.

Can you listen to a mindfulness app in one ear to relax you and help you sleep.

He didn't leave with your card, not really.
You loaned him your card to buy lunch.

I'd say he forgot to text. Human error.
That's the most likely reason.

Thank you. That helps.

Hopefully its nothing to worry about and he comes home in the morning. I can see that I'm catastrophising but at the same time can't help but to 🙈

If a friend was posting this I'd tell them to give their head a wobble.

OP posts:
HighlandPony · 15/10/2022 02:34

Possible he’s left his phone somewhere?

TheNestedIf · 15/10/2022 02:39

Or got caught short with the battery.

user1468105798 · 15/10/2022 02:47

HighlandPony · 15/10/2022 02:34

Possible he’s left his phone somewhere?

Agree with this. If the phone is on silent it could have dropped anywhere on shop floor or warehouse and not be found

Original poster
Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 03:35

Still nothing. That's a possibility, he may have dropped it somewhere or left it on the bus by mistake.

OP posts:
furrytampon · 15/10/2022 03:40

this is no way to live

Violashift · 15/10/2022 03:40

There is probably an innocent explanation.

Please think though do think, do you want to live like this? He isn't worh it.

Tigertigertigertiger · 15/10/2022 03:43

I hope there’s an innocent explanation.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 15/10/2022 03:47

Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 01:48

Disclaimer, there has been infidelity in the past which I found out about after he left in the middle of a night and sent me a text for me to wake up to.. so admittedly I'm super anxious at any sign of anything being amiss.

He works nights and always texts me on his break at 12.15. Tonight he asked if he could borrow my bank card to get himself something to eat on his break as he doesnt get paid until next week, no problem.

I remembered we need nappies so I text him at 11ish asking him to pick some up on his way home in the morning. No reply. Unusual for him.

His break comes and goes, radio silence. I thought perhaps his phone had died but it rings when I call (it wouldn't get him into trouble, he has it on silent at work anyway)

I'm flitting between thinking he's had an accident to then thinking he has done a bunk again. I'm royally screwed without my bank card.

Is anybody around to talk to me? Please be kind, I have PND and I'm a little fragile atm.

Why don't you just phone him on the business phone? Say you can't reach him by mobile (maybe it's not charged) and want to make sure he gets the message to bring nappies home? There is noting wrong or crazy in doing that....
And if you don't speak with him directly ask that he is given the message to phone you on his break as well. You're a new mum so this wouldn't be unusual. If he calls just tell him about needing nappies and that you are feeling anxious and needed to hear his voice (true). 💁Update us!