Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DP left with my bank card, no response. I'm worried and can't sleep.

203 replies

Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 01:48

Disclaimer, there has been infidelity in the past which I found out about after he left in the middle of a night and sent me a text for me to wake up to.. so admittedly I'm super anxious at any sign of anything being amiss.

He works nights and always texts me on his break at 12.15. Tonight he asked if he could borrow my bank card to get himself something to eat on his break as he doesnt get paid until next week, no problem.

I remembered we need nappies so I text him at 11ish asking him to pick some up on his way home in the morning. No reply. Unusual for him.

His break comes and goes, radio silence. I thought perhaps his phone had died but it rings when I call (it wouldn't get him into trouble, he has it on silent at work anyway)

I'm flitting between thinking he's had an accident to then thinking he has done a bunk again. I'm royally screwed without my bank card.

Is anybody around to talk to me? Please be kind, I have PND and I'm a little fragile atm.

OP posts:
AIIyMcBeal · 15/10/2022 03:52

Are you the poster who had a thread a while ago about being concerned because her partner was wearing “sexy” underwear to work? That was so similar to this, guy on night shift at a supermarket and you were telling him to send you selfies from work because you didn’t trust where we he was if he was wearing his fancy pants

jays · 15/10/2022 03:52

ofwarren · 15/10/2022 02:01

Usually blocking the card will mean you cannot access it till a new card is posted to you. Mine takes about a week.
Can you transfer your money elsewhere or withdraw what you need first?

You can temporarily ‘freeze’ cards now on banking apps so they can’t be used and take the freeze off again in seconds.

jays · 15/10/2022 03:53

AIIyMcBeal · 15/10/2022 03:52

Are you the poster who had a thread a while ago about being concerned because her partner was wearing “sexy” underwear to work? That was so similar to this, guy on night shift at a supermarket and you were telling him to send you selfies from work because you didn’t trust where we he was if he was wearing his fancy pants

Was just about to ask that same question.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Russell19 · 15/10/2022 03:57

Have you heard anything OP?

furrytampon · 15/10/2022 04:01

Mumtobabyhavoc · 15/10/2022 03:47

Why don't you just phone him on the business phone? Say you can't reach him by mobile (maybe it's not charged) and want to make sure he gets the message to bring nappies home? There is noting wrong or crazy in doing that....
And if you don't speak with him directly ask that he is given the message to phone you on his break as well. You're a new mum so this wouldn't be unusual. If he calls just tell him about needing nappies and that you are feeling anxious and needed to hear his voice (true). 💁Update us!

Show quote history

surely you can’t think it’s reasonable to call someone at work because you want to ‘hear his voice’?!

usbjsun · 15/10/2022 04:01

AIIyMcBeal · 15/10/2022 03:52

Are you the poster who had a thread a while ago about being concerned because her partner was wearing “sexy” underwear to work? That was so similar to this, guy on night shift at a supermarket and you were telling him to send you selfies from work because you didn’t trust where we he was if he was wearing his fancy pants

Genuinely never seen sexy man pants before 😂 i'm intrigued..
OP i would ring the shop like a poster mentioned above. If he's there then there's your answer

AIIyMcBeal · 15/10/2022 04:12

usbjsun · 15/10/2022 04:01

Genuinely never seen sexy man pants before 😂 i'm intrigued..
OP i would ring the shop like a poster mentioned above. If he's there then there's your answer

Show quote history

If I recall correctly they were sheer boxers! May not be the same poster but it’s very very very similar. If it is the same op, then I really feel for her because he’s made her into an anxious paranoid mess with his horrible past behaviour

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 15/10/2022 04:26

AIIyMcBeal · 15/10/2022 04:12

If I recall correctly they were sheer boxers! May not be the same poster but it’s very very very similar. If it is the same op, then I really feel for her because he’s made her into an anxious paranoid mess with his horrible past behaviour

Show quote history

I remember that thread it was sad, thinking of what he'd put her through. I think he said he wore them because they were lighter and he didn't get so hot in them.

UserError012345 · 15/10/2022 04:27

Gawd OP this is no way to live.

Read back your post, you're now worried sick because he hasn't text you back. I know it's not really about that, it's cos you don't trust him.

End it. Save yourself years of trying to make it work when it doesn't. He'll cheat again, you're just giving him the opportunity.

Don't be a mug.

JustKittenAround · 15/10/2022 04:46

AIIyMcBeal · 15/10/2022 03:52

Are you the poster who had a thread a while ago about being concerned because her partner was wearing “sexy” underwear to work? That was so similar to this, guy on night shift at a supermarket and you were telling him to send you selfies from work because you didn’t trust where we he was if he was wearing his fancy pants

Oh my god I REMEMBER this!!!

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/10/2022 04:51

Are you getting help with the PND? Flowers

LaurieFairyCake · 15/10/2022 05:12

I bet he will have been dealing with the police being called to an incident at the shop Flowers

JustKittenAround · 15/10/2022 05:16

AIIyMcBeal · 15/10/2022 04:12

If I recall correctly they were sheer boxers! May not be the same poster but it’s very very very similar. If it is the same op, then I really feel for her because he’s made her into an anxious paranoid mess with his horrible past behaviour

Show quote history

I imagined them as a sheer mesh number with a wide waistband to try to wrangle in a mans super strong gut… For awhile I thought of ways to design a sexy mans underwear…. Could it be done? I mean truly?

Mind you, not just a woman gassing up her man to feel sexy and wonderful as society makes us, but to make a regular man with the overwhelming flaws they have….sexy? I struggle with that, and if the code can be cracked it’ll be a true moment.

At any rate, @AIIyMcBeal is my MVP!

Zonder · 15/10/2022 05:31

What time does he usually get home?

NCAutumn · 15/10/2022 06:16

Oh, sexy pant man. If it's him then get rid OP

Borracha · 15/10/2022 06:17

OP I mean this in the kindest, gentlest way. This is no way to live. You deserve so, so much better. It’s not normal to worry that your partner is going to do a runner or clear out your bank account every time they go to work.

PND is a head fuck and I hope you are getting the support you need with that but please think long and hard about whether or not you want to spend the next 50 years with someone who makes you feel this way.

deathofthesnark · 15/10/2022 06:21

ofwarren · 15/10/2022 02:01

Usually blocking the card will mean you cannot access it till a new card is posted to you. Mine takes about a week.
Can you transfer your money elsewhere or withdraw what you need first?

I can freeze my cards if I misplace them

Tumilnaughts · 15/10/2022 06:22

I would have just called the supermarket direct and asked for him...
any word?

ApolloandDaphne · 15/10/2022 06:25

I hope you have managed to sleep and there is an innocent reason for his lack of communication.

ChakaKhanfan · 15/10/2022 06:36

Oh OP, past infidelities are agony, have you ever consider going to Relate together?

mollymole999 · 15/10/2022 06:40

Any news

JoanOfAllTrades · 15/10/2022 06:41

JustKittenAround · 15/10/2022 05:16

I imagined them as a sheer mesh number with a wide waistband to try to wrangle in a mans super strong gut… For awhile I thought of ways to design a sexy mans underwear…. Could it be done? I mean truly?

Mind you, not just a woman gassing up her man to feel sexy and wonderful as society makes us, but to make a regular man with the overwhelming flaws they have….sexy? I struggle with that, and if the code can be cracked it’ll be a true moment.

At any rate, @AIIyMcBeal is my MVP!

Show quote history

Ah, you mean like a spanx for men, but sexy! Hold the beer gut in, but be sexy about it lol. You would make a fortune if you actually every designed a pair! Perhaps the mesh could be some sort of super strong stuff but see through, with a possible g string type back and something for the erm, “dangly” parts to go in!

JoanOfAllTrades · 15/10/2022 06:49

@Awakestill1

I hope you are able to access help for your PND. The fact that this man has cheated on you and you are now in a place of panic and stress because he hasn’t contacted you and he also has your bank card, is not healthy.

You need to make sure that your health visitor or GP knows about this so that they can signpost you to the appropriate places for help to manage your anxiety.

I also think you need to have a long think about whether this man is worth all this. He is literally destroying your peace of mind just by not texting you! Is he really worth ending up a nervous wreck, or worse, having some kind of breakdown?

I'm not being mean or harsh but he’s already proved how little consideration he has for you, and baby, by having an affair. And a partner who will do that once, will do it again.

Please think long and hard about the sort of future you want, not only for yourself but for the baby as well.

Do you want baby growing up thinking this level of stress and anxiety is normal? I don’t think you do ❣️

TokyoSushi · 15/10/2022 06:55

I was just about to say is this sexy pants man? OP this is no way to live.

Azerothi · 15/10/2022 06:58

Your boyfriend has made you like this because he left you and the baby to go fuck someone else.

Whether or not there is an innocent explanation you shouldn't be living like this. Your upset and panic are palpable. Please think about the rest of your life with this utter moron. Don't let your baby think this is normal for a man.