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Original poster

DP left with my bank card, no response. I'm worried and can't sleep.

203 replies

Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 01:48

Disclaimer, there has been infidelity in the past which I found out about after he left in the middle of a night and sent me a text for me to wake up to.. so admittedly I'm super anxious at any sign of anything being amiss.

He works nights and always texts me on his break at 12.15. Tonight he asked if he could borrow my bank card to get himself something to eat on his break as he doesnt get paid until next week, no problem.

I remembered we need nappies so I text him at 11ish asking him to pick some up on his way home in the morning. No reply. Unusual for him.

His break comes and goes, radio silence. I thought perhaps his phone had died but it rings when I call (it wouldn't get him into trouble, he has it on silent at work anyway)

I'm flitting between thinking he's had an accident to then thinking he has done a bunk again. I'm royally screwed without my bank card.

Is anybody around to talk to me? Please be kind, I have PND and I'm a little fragile atm.

OP posts:
whatsgoingon101 · 15/10/2022 07:01

Let us know what happens OP! Here for virtual support ❤️

InFiveMins · 15/10/2022 07:04

Sounds as though he's lost his phone, maybe he left it on the bus or has dropped it in work. What time is he due home?

Meili04 · 15/10/2022 07:08

Fr

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Relationship problems
Yoyooo · 15/10/2022 07:13

Hope all is ok OP

Emelene · 15/10/2022 07:14

I hope everything is okay OP xxx

isthismylifenow · 15/10/2022 07:15

Hope you managed to get some sleep OP.

Can I just ask, do you stay awake every night until 12.15am to receive a text?

I know you have a small baby, so wondering if you are awake then anyway or if you purposely stay awake for the message.

FabFitFifties · 15/10/2022 07:17

How long ago was the affair OP? Was it before or after baby? Just trying to get a little more context. If you share cards and pins, and usually trust him financially, is it really likely he'd fleece you? I'm wondering if this is anyway for him to live too. If a female night-shift worker was posting that DP thinks she has ran off, because for whatever reason, she is unable to ring home at usual time, what responses do you think she would get? Are you getting support for your PND? This does not sound like a healthy relationship for either of you.,and definately not for your child.

Original poster
Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 07:18

Yes it's the same man. I name changed as I had people taking the mick about the pants thing and It wasn't helpful (although I know no malice was involved, some just found the idea funny)

No still no word from him. I managed about 2 hours broken sleep. Baby slept through which happens once in a blue moon.. typical.

He finishes work at 7am and usually gets home about 7.30 so any minute now.. we'll see.

OP posts:
elephantseal · 15/10/2022 07:22

Op, this is no way to live. It's not normal to lie awake all night worrying that your p has left you whenever he goes to work.

You don't have to carry on like this. You could dump him and be able to sleep peacefully in your own bed. This is an awful example for your poor baby when they get old enough to be affected by it.

Original poster
Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 07:25

It's madness isn't it?

What a shit way to live.

OP posts:
ofwarren · 15/10/2022 07:26

deathofthesnark · 15/10/2022 06:21

I can freeze my cards if I misplace them

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That's really good!
Which bank is that if you don't mind saying?

Vaccine001 · 15/10/2022 07:27

Let us know

Jeanstable · 15/10/2022 07:29

It really is no way to live OP, I was like this with my ex, it was only when he left me for somebody else that I realised it was all his doing. I’m not naturally an anxious, insecure person, he made me that way. Now I’m with my DH there is never any doubt, I can actually trust him.

OneThingAndThenTheNext · 15/10/2022 07:30

Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 07:25

It's madness isn't it?

What a shit way to live.

This is such a sad statement 😥I hope he’s ok and comes back so you can have a much needed conversation with him.

Oysterbabe · 15/10/2022 07:31

There's more than likely an innocent explanation. I hope he's home.

CherryogDog · 15/10/2022 07:32

OP hope he's home and you're OK.
@ofwarren I can freeze my card and I have a Barclays account.

Ihatecocomelon · 15/10/2022 07:33

Oh you poor love. I think you should end the relationship, you don't trust him and will always be wondering if he will come back.

dontgosummer · 15/10/2022 07:33

I can freeze my Barclays card

Please consider getting some support OP , you are correct this is no way to live

Debsdonein · 15/10/2022 07:34

Has he gone in the sexy pants again? This man is going drain you

ofwarren · 15/10/2022 07:34

Maybe you can freeze the card with most accounts now then. I'm santander and I never realised.
I will check later as that would be really helpful.
Thanks everyone.

Kittybakes89 · 15/10/2022 07:34

Santander do this on the app too. I did it when my card was stolen on holiday while waiting to get through on the phone to block it

Original poster
Awakestill1 · 15/10/2022 07:37

A text has just come through saying he'll pick up nappies when he finishes and also his phone is fucked / is flashing white. Not sure what's happened to it.

It's a bit strange how he doesn't respond to any texts or a call until gone half 7 in the morning and when he does respond its just to acknowledge the nappies.

I know it's no way to live. It's miserable. Everything feels fine until it doesn't and all it takes is something so small as not being reachable and I'm right back in the place I was when I woke up that morning to a text that he had gone.

We were supposed to be going to couples counselling next month, my suggestion. There's not much point really is there?

The thing I think which has done the damage is how normal he was behaving the night before he left iykwim. It was an enormous shock and so out of the blue. One minute it's a happy household, I go to bed none the wiser and when I wake up in the morning it's like a bomb imploded Everything I knew. For me, it's that I'm scared of happening again. The feeling of having the rug pulled from under my feet.

OP posts:
Vaccine001 · 15/10/2022 07:39

Kitty I'm glad you could do that must have been such an enormous relief for you.

Squiff70 · 15/10/2022 07:39

Do you have an update OP? Can you ring the supermarket where he works and ask if he turned up for work?

I hope he's home soon and nothing odd is going on.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 15/10/2022 07:39

furrytampon · 15/10/2022 04:01

surely you can’t think it’s reasonable to call someone at work because you want to ‘hear his voice’?!

Show quote history

She's suffering PND. It wouldn't be totally out of place to ring one's partner if in a bit of crisis for some support, was my point. 🤷‍♀️