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Original poster

Four children

218 replies

03X · 22/08/2022 18:02

Do you know anyone with 4 children? What do you think of them?
80% of me would love another child but a part of me worries about judgement. Which isn’t a reason not to have one, but wondering what the general consensus is.

I know lots with 3, one with 4 (twins), another with 4 (all same sex) and one with 5. That’s about it! It’s mostly 2x2 families in my area & my family members have had max 3. I’m an only child!

OP posts:
cookiecreammmpie · 22/08/2022 18:31

I've got four kids, I've only ever had negative judgement for it on here. Most other people I know who have kids have either 3 or 4.

MerryMarigold · 22/08/2022 18:34

Most of my friends have 3. Some 2. I have one friend with 4. No judgement from me, though it was an 'accident'.

momtoboys · 22/08/2022 18:36

I have five and to some people that seems as though I have my own private army. All sons, two sets of twins. I would go ahead and have another if you feel at all inclined.

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Families
Nutsabouttopic · 22/08/2022 18:37

I have four and love it. Most of my family and friends have two except one friend who has six. I have never had any negative judgement but it would be quickly shut down if it occurred.

PrettyIndigo · 22/08/2022 18:37

I have four, stuff what anyone else thinks! I've never had any nasty comments (to my face anyway!) Just admiration

Lookingformymarbles · 22/08/2022 18:41

I would think what hard work! No judgement though.

I have friends with 4 & 5 dc, ( most have 2) I have 3 and they were exhausting.

Tabbouleh · 22/08/2022 18:42

I don't know anyone with 4, except those who had 4 about 50 years ago.

MintJulia · 22/08/2022 18:47

What random other people think is utterly irrelevant.

Much more important, can you offer an extra child a decent life, enough space and love and attention? Food and finance.

Will your existing children cope? Is your partner in agreement?

UWhatNow · 22/08/2022 18:48

As long as you can afford them it’s fine.

SpaceJamtart · 22/08/2022 18:49

I have 4 (twins and one is my brother who we foster) nobody has ever seemed to care about the number of kids I have.
Similarly I don't really care how many kids anyone else has, have another if you have the capacity to care for them

FourTeaFallOut · 22/08/2022 18:50

I don't think I know any families with four children. I'm the outlier in my friendship group with three. No judgements here, more power to you. Now sit back and wait for the muppets who think the small number of larger families in this country has any marked significance on the population replacement numbers.

Climbingthelaundrymountain · 22/08/2022 18:50

I know a quite few people with 4 or more kids. Most seem to have it all together. I have 3. My mum was 1 of 3 and my dad was 1 of 4.

Yes lots of people have 2 children but most people I know have 3 or 4.

Wishyfishy · 22/08/2022 18:53

I literally don’t currently know a single person with more than 3. A few only children, the majority 2 children and probably as many with 3 as just have 1. So I guess I would be surprised to meet someone with 4 just because I haven’t met someone with more than 3 since I was a child myself.
I wouldn’t judge them at all unless they perhaps suggested that the 4th was a poor choice - eg one they couldn’t afford or within a failing relationship. Assuming none of those issues then good for them. I’d have liked more than my 2 but I can’t afford it and I also am not sure DH and I would cope. Other people have more support around them so can cope with more.

margaritasbythebeach · 22/08/2022 18:58

I would just feel jealous! I would have loved more.

EcoCustard · 22/08/2022 18:59

I have 4Dc, I know a few other families with 4 or 5 kids and some with 3, 2 and 1. I don’t care or give any thought to how many kids people have. I have had comments (must be hard work, or a mad house, how do you manage etc) and am sure some will have judged but don’t give a jot. Any comments are met with a response.

satelliteheart · 22/08/2022 18:59

My sister has 5 and tbh I do (silently) judge her. They're all late teens/early adults now and in my opinion her and her husband have done a piss poor job of parenting. They never had any time for them, they take no interest in their schooling and they frankly can't afford them. They missed major issues such as self-harm, Sen, a long-term issue which would have been an easy fix had they picked up on it quickly but they missed and has now caused life-long issues for the child. If you're sure you can provide the time and attention each of your children will need then by all means go for it but I think having too many children can stretch you too thin

Equally, my sister and her husband may have been equally bad parents had they stopped at one, no way to tell

LobeliaBaggins · 22/08/2022 19:00

Most of my friends only have one. I am the large family outlier with 2 :)

Marmite27 · 22/08/2022 19:00

I know lots of families with 4 kids in my generation, but most people I know have 2. With the occasional 1 or 3.

There is one family we know with 4 (2 sets of twins), but they’re very unusual.

KohlaParasaurus · 22/08/2022 19:01

I just assume that people have the right number of children for them and certainly don't think friends who have four are irresponsible, you'd have to get to eight or nine before I'd bat an eyelid and start asking nosy questions about the logistics of managing a family that size (as a blended family, DH and I often had eight children in residence). But do you really want to go through four doses of parenting a teenager, perhaps with several at a time?

thenewduchessoflapland · 22/08/2022 19:03

I have 4 and I could care less of what people think of me;it's no one else's business.

Louise0701 · 22/08/2022 19:04

I’m pregnant with my 4th. I know quite a few families with 4 children.
so long as you have the time, space & money for a 4th then crack on!

HSKAT · 22/08/2022 19:04

I feel jealous tbh.
Would love to have a big family like that.

I know two families with 4 kids each, they are great.

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 22/08/2022 19:04

I’m second of five. The arrival of the fourth (lovely as he is) when we were 9, 8 & 4 was the tipping point into endless penny pinching and ssshing and not enough adults to go round or talk to us. It’s a very clear memory.

PutOnAHappyFace · 22/08/2022 19:06

I have 4. I think 3 seems to be the norm now. When I grew up everyone seemed to just have 2.

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 22/08/2022 19:09

Wishyfishy · 22/08/2022 18:53

I literally don’t currently know a single person with more than 3. A few only children, the majority 2 children and probably as many with 3 as just have 1. So I guess I would be surprised to meet someone with 4 just because I haven’t met someone with more than 3 since I was a child myself.
I wouldn’t judge them at all unless they perhaps suggested that the 4th was a poor choice - eg one they couldn’t afford or within a failing relationship. Assuming none of those issues then good for them. I’d have liked more than my 2 but I can’t afford it and I also am not sure DH and I would cope. Other people have more support around them so can cope with more.

Oh yes and the endless “four? Wow! Four!” Started )obviously 😏) when we became four and only got slightly worse on the birth of the youngest. We were oddities.

With a very high income and extra pairs of hands, besides two involved parents, maybe some can pull it off without detriment to any of the DC, but I always feel for kids with lots of younger siblings. It’s not the 70s any more. Life is expensive and busy and children need time, attention and funds.