Four children

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Do you know anyone with 4 children? What do you think of them?
80% of me would love another child but a part of me worries about judgement. Which isn’t a reason not to have one, but wondering what the general consensus is.

I know lots with 3, one with 4 (twins), another with 4 (all same sex) and one with 5. That’s about it! It’s mostly 2x2 families in my area & my family members have had max 3. I’m an only child!

Ones I knew chose four and moaned about the work. Bloody judged them. I know a few threes and know of bigger families.

I tend towards thinking it is not a great idea for the planet but you can raise four in a planet friendly way and raise one to be wasteful with resources...

Whoops. Didn't realise having three is causing the downfall of the planet, let alone four. Anyone know where I can return one of the twins? 😆

Good lord! I'll have to return three! Gasp! LOL

I have 3 and she’s a joy to everyone actually including siblings who adore her. We do huge amounts to be manage our environmental impact and resources.
What I have noticed is that those who think they are better than everyone else for having no children or just 1 are the ones going on multiple holidays abroad etc but it’s fine to judge others.

Theres always those who think they are better than everyone else for whatever reason and judge. In reality if you looked at their lives I’m sure there would be lots to judge about their life choices if you wanted to be sad and bitter enough to want to sit and judge like they do.
I find people like this unpleasant and are not the kind, empathetic and thoughtful progressive people they believe they are.

I judge unpleasant people

Probably going to get slaughtered for this, but in my experience its area and status that tends to influence number of kids.

I grew up in a very poor northern town. 4 people in my school year (out of 150) had 3 kids each before I finished my A levels. Not many of us left, and I can see on Facebook almost everyone I went to school with now has 2/3/4 kids and had them by late-20s. I was one of the last to have my first at 31.

My DH went to a selective grammar in a rather affluent area. At 31 he was one of the first to have a child. Only 2 others he knew of had had one before this. All his friends were only children or had a single sibling (mums usually having had them late 30s/early 40s, lots of doctors and lawyers). Still none of them have more than 2, many just starting to have them now in their 40s.

I do and I have to say that unless you are very wealthy (we are not) it's not fair on the DC.

I feel guilty about how having four has impacted negatively on them. I think one is ideal.

I’m an only child and disagree that one is ideal, but we all have our own opinions.
Not sure how this was found but I’ve still got 3, not 4, and no plans for a fourth anytime soon although still feeling like I can’t possibly be done! I wish I had no urge to have another, trust me. I guess it’s something I may well have to live with 😊 (and of course I’m so lucky to have 3 beautiful, amazing children).
Getting less comments asking me am I going to have another now too!

I hope you've gone ahead and had a 4th child no matter what negativity or stigma you may get. Growing your family should never be looked down upon it's a beautiful thing. I have great admiration for women who are willing to grow their family, give their children more siblings to go through life with and add to their families.

Too many, in my opinion.

You did ask for opinions right?

Why not really, if you're young enough and you have the space. I'd have loved another if I wasn't too old.

One of my very good friends has 4 DC, and she had DC 1 (unplanned) at 16, and 4 kids by the age of 24. Very, very different to me who had my two kids in my 30s. She is honestly amazing. I couldn't do it at ALL as I find two hard work and we have no family support, but she absolutely loves her large family. She says people often assume some of the kids have different dads, but they don't (and she is now married to her eldest's dad!). It seems so unfair she's judged constantly, especially because she had the kids young. DD1 is great friends with her DD4, which is lovely! I'd say if you want 4 DC, go for it!

The only people I know with 4 are on benefits. I don’t judge them but I don’t think many working families can properly afford 4.

Personally I think 4 is too many, for the planet, for their individual attention and just fundamentally it just feel like too much.

Really you don’t get benefits for more than two children now though 🙃

Haven't read the comments yet but will find it interesting!

I was born in the 90's and growing up while I knew lots of people with one or 2 kids, being one of 4 was really common too and I am the youngest of 4 myself.

It seemed a perfectly reasonable number of kids especially as I grew up on a council type estate where most of the houses were 3 story, 3 bed houses.

I don't know if I am just much worse off as an individual than the people I grew up around, whether it was pure naivete on my part, or if the expectations and pressures are different these days, but having 4 kids seems an insurmountable burden to me, for the average family.

To be fair, my judgement is heavily clouded by the fact that I have 2 early primary aged children and one pre-schooler, absolutely everything parenting related feels insurmountable right now 😂

If I had more resources, I sometimes wonder if I would have another, but I genuinely think that it's not just a practical resource question, but also one of physical presence and time. My DD has just started brownies, 2 of them have swimming on Saturdays and DS wants to now join scouts. In a couple of years the youngest will also be doing swimming and probably in a second hobby. Where would the fourth one fit in?!

Light hearted of course as kids don't need those things and I'm sure that people who want big families are different from me, better organised and less easily overwhelmed.

All I know is after my third (who was a surprise bonus baby), all of my previously very strong broodiness disappeared and I'm finally at a point where I am not thinking about little babies, tiny hands to hold, etc. There's a real sadness to that, but not in a "I wish things were different" way or an "I really want another but can't" way, just a bittersweet acknowledgement that that much awaited chapter of my life is over, I'm no longer in the pregnancy and baby years.

Sorry this ended up being a complete ramble! Bottom line is 4 would be too much for me 😆

I don't know anyone with 4 children but most of my friends are one of 4 (all friends from Catholic school).

Most people I know have 2/3 children (pretty even split), I only know a handful of only children.

Old friend of mine has 4. Eldest was 9 when youngest was born. They are all adults now, youngest 22. They are (and always have been) a really close family. Now they have their first grandchild and given they were only 17 when they’d had their first (been married over 25yrs now) they are young enough to really enjoy that part of life. They live in a cheap part of the U.K. where it was ok for one parent to not work. They owned a caravan in a popular U.K. seaside resort so always had holidays there. Never went abroad when kids were younger but they were very happy.