Four children

[03X]

Do you know anyone with 4 children? What do you think of them?
80% of me would love another child but a part of me worries about judgement. Which isn’t a reason not to have one, but wondering what the general consensus is.

I know lots with 3, one with 4 (twins), another with 4 (all same sex) and one with 5. That’s about it! It’s mostly 2x2 families in my area & my family members have had max 3. I’m an only child!

I have 4 & #5 due.

I am 1 of 4. (1 set twins)

I've had no negative comments (Not to my face)

I know 1x person with 6 & a few with 5.

People I work with (older generation) had 5,6,7 & one has 13 siblings.

I know somebody who has 5. Younger years weren’t much of a struggle but financially the teenage/university years have hit them very hard and they freely admit now it’s not something they considered.

I would have loved 4 children but stopped at 2.

Haven't got four myself but I'm one of four, and I've only got one myself so make of that what you will.

For an introverted child like I was honestly growing up in such a busy house was awful. I love all my siblings dearly but life was stressful and as an adult it is still difficult- it's really difficult for us all to get together at the same time with our families for instance as there are so bloody many of us!

I’m a bit jealous. I was an only child and would have loved three siblings.

Shows you're damned if you do and damned if you don't really doesn't it. I think I'd have been happier as an only child.

I have 3 but if I had enough room and was I bit younger I'd love to of had 4!

I’m an only child @GreenClock which is why I always wanted 3. Now I’m thinking one more…
Love having a big family & wish I had siblings.

Definitely not looking for the opposite sex (it would be nice to experience both mind) but I know they’re the comments I would get, which would upset me for my current DC. Plus it would be like DC4 would be a disappointment if they were the same sex! But people are so thoughtless.

Understand climate change, again is a worry.

I am one of six, we all have one or two children. One of my friends has 3 but the third was an accident. Most have 2 though a couple have 1.

@PhoebusItMeansSunGod it’s interesting to see how the dynamics convert in adulthood. I’m one of 3 and I’m pregnant with my 4th. I really wanted to recreate the big family feeling I grew up with.
my cousins were a sibset of 5. One has 5, 3 have 4, one is sadly not able to have children. They’re very, very close. All sleep over at the sibling with the largest house on Christmas Eve so all the children wake up together.
my family is similar; we all have Christmas, birthdays, Easter at mine. Holiday together regularly. One of my children has ASD and I hope he feels loved and supported. He does have plenty of space for when he wants some time but more often than not, prefers to be around us and have a big cuddle.
He is adored, as they all are, but I love how much support he has around him.

Lots of kids it’s not just about money it’s about 1 to 1 time. I had one day in my entire childhood where my Mum and I had a whole day together, that’s it, it’s like a ruddy herd.

@03X people love to comment on the sex! I had DD then DS1 and when I got pregnant again it was “but why? You have one of each” 🙄

I just can't bear the noise if I'm honest. I remember just craving silence as a kid and never getting it. It's the same now when we're all together- noise noise noise and chaos. Some thrive on that. I really don't. I've never liked being in a big group of people full stop.

I don't know anybody with 4, there are hardly anyone I know who has 3, except people from my hometown where it's the norm. Most people I know have 2.

Even when I was at school I only knew one person who was from a family of 4 children, they were a close family but there was an obvious age gap between the youngest and eldest and I wonder how that age gap panned out for the siblings.

Most people I know who want big families just crave the newborn baby stage again and actually struggle with raising children and rely heavily on grandparents. That's not to apply to everyone in that circumstance, just those I know.

Yes similar for me, I didn't like sharing my mum. I remember feeling genuinely devastated with my sister was born. Then two more came along 😅

You can’t worry yourself with how other people will judge you. There is someone out there who will judge you for every single thing you do. The only people who need to be concerned with this decision are you and your DH. Therefore, I won’t give you my opinion on the matter of your reproduction - mainly because I don’t have one!

I have 3 but 4 doesn’t seem like a lot, I’d say it’s on the verge of a large family. Wouldn’t judge anyone for having any number of children as long as they care for them well

I'm the eldest of four girls, born within less than six years in the 90s. No family support but mum didn't work for a good few years. Loved it. Quite a few "poor dad" comments but never any negativity to us kids at least. Do it if you want to! It's such a joy now to see the next generation playing together and we're all pretty close.

I know quite a few families with 4 kids and what they all have in common is that they are chilled parents. I'm too much of a control freak to have that many kids. So all I feel is admiration and envy.

I would love 4 children! It is not possible due to fertility issues, I am really lucky to have gotten pregnant a second time but if it were at all possible I would have 4 in a heartbeat!

I weirdly only have friends who have just the one (by choice) and I have two. Whenever I see 3/4 kids in a family, I also think good on them but I bet its bloody hard work.

Lots of kids it’s not just about money it’s about 1 to 1 time. I had one day in my entire childhood where my Mum and I had a whole day together, that’s it, it’s like a ruddy herd

This is what made us stop, I wanted a certain "lifestyle" for the kids, partly financial, afford clubs etc, but to actually have the time to take them. I cannot begin to imagine what life must feel like going to swimming lessons, beavers, music lessons and sports etc for 4 kids (appreciate not everyone puts value on these things) We also each take a child out once a month-ish alternating doing something 1 on 1. Maybe some parents are super parents, but as a 2 x full time working household, I knew the best way to manage our sanity, finances and quality time with the kids, was to limit the family. I know people talk about the value of siblings, but for me, in our circumstances, our time was more valuable than an additional sibling.

I don't actually know any people IRL with 4 kids, except my MIL, another reason we don't have 4....no way DH would have allowed it, he hated being in a big family.

I'd love 4 but I hate being pregnant and just don't enjoy the newborn stage so not sure I could do it 4 times!
Currently pregnant with no 2 and really wishing for twins so I can be done!
Among friends and family most have 2 kids, I'm one of three but only know a couple of other 3s. Think I only know 2 families with 4, and one 6.
MIL is one of 8, 4 of them have 2, 2 have none, 2 have 3.

It became a thing round where i live to have 4, my SIL has 4 as do I, so does my close friend and my best mate has 5. We all work fulltime as do our OH, we can afford it and no one has ever judged

This

I am one of 4. My family like to have large families and one of my siblings actually has 6 children.

I would think very carefully before having a 4th. Obviously parents of large families will probably tell you it’s all glorious etc etc but the reality is that when I was growing up, there was never enough time, attention or thought to go around. There was never enough money and we all felt the stress of that. There was constant shouting and arguing between the 4 of us and it was so chaotic. My parents loved us very much and did a great job in difficult circumstances but I think our quality of life would have been immeasurably better if there had been less children.

We all get on well now and we have each other’s backs 100% but I think we have all struggled in different ways during adulthood because of the lack of individual attention and engagement we received as children and adolescents. I think parents of large families would never admit to it, but it’s almost impossible to be fair, even handed and closely engaged with your children when there are so many of them. The children will feel it though.

Please consider stopping at 3. Your children won’t grow up wishing that they had had another sibling to share you with. The need for another child is coming from your hormones, emotions and perceptions. It’s not a decision made for practical reasons or with the best interests of your children at heart.