Four children

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Do you know anyone with 4 children? What do you think of them?
80% of me would love another child but a part of me worries about judgement. Which isn’t a reason not to have one, but wondering what the general consensus is.

I know lots with 3, one with 4 (twins), another with 4 (all same sex) and one with 5. That’s about it! It’s mostly 2x2 families in my area & my family members have had max 3. I’m an only child!

I wouldn't judge, I know a few with 4 and they seem as happy or unhappy as anyone else.

I do think you need a lot of money though in a way you wouldn't have done say 20 years ago.

Loads of people I know have 3, many have 4 and some have 5 or even 6. It’s a reasonably middle class area and all the families have kids who appear to be well adjusted, attend good schools (no private schools here - only 11+ selective) and all are engaged in lots of extra curricular activities (again not pricey things), which is how I know most of the kids I’m referring to. In virtually all cases the parents are together (don’t know any ‘blended’ families) and both are in good employment.

The only opinion I ever have is admiration. It’s hard work whatever your economic status if you want to do it right.

I do think there is probably a cultural difference in Ireland generally where bigger families are (still) more common. (In my parents generation most families had 8+ kids so 4 kids is nothing to them!!)

I only know two people who have four. They had the first quite young. I wouldn't judge but it wouldn't be for us we wanted our life back at some point. I've just retired early as will Dh and the two couples we know with four have the younger ones at school still, yet the parents are a similar age to us except one who is 60! I can't imagine that. Also financially it would have been a struggle to do what we did with ours with extra dc- hobbies, holidays abroad etc

What are the ages between them?

You'll get judgment if they're too close together and judgment if they're too far apart.

I have 4 boys. 10, 7, 4 and 10 months. Hard work but I wouldn't change it. If its what you want then go for it. Mine are best of friends 2 seconds and then falling out 2 seconds later. It's the joy of siblings. I came from a family of 6 so I knew I wanted more than 2. Each to their own and sod anyone's opinions. Good luck!

I don't get what there is to judge about someone with 4 children? Could someone explain?

University isnt a requirement... infact its not even a wise choice for most.

Im the only one in my family to go to uni (so I have no 'ins' or 'family connections' to get a job) and my degree has done nothing to help my career, however family members and friends who did apprenticeships or went straight into work and worked their way up are doing FAR better than me.

I see the same looking at others I went to uni with, only 2 are working in the frield they trained in (medical) and neither make much.

I know a girl with a 1st in law who 15 years on still works as a receptionist at the local GPs.

I know a person with a history degree working as a bank cashier 20 years after graduating.

I know many who dropped out in favor to get jobs and now have to pay back loans for degree they dont even have.

Oh wow. Quite positive so far which surprised me!

Mine are 7, 5 & 1. All same sex, so I know I would get the ‘trying for a boy/girl” comment x100 😁 don’t know if I could cope with that.

Definitely middle financially, technically 5 bedrooms but one is small. Big mortgage. We both didn’t go to university so although I would hope my children do (if that’s what they want) that’s not really something I’m factoring in, more of a cross that bridge if we get to it.

I’m a little worried about teenage years though, that does make me have doubts. E.g. 4 lots of lunch money, bus fare, etc. We have good family support from two sets of grandparents.

I don’t know if I can give them enough time, I mean surely if one more child does split the time. I was an only so used to full attention, again that bothers me.

Selfishly I love pregnancy, newborn babies. The excitement, the anticipation. I feel sad I won’t have that again, but I will probably feel that way after number 4 so not a reason to have one.

One of my best friends has 4, and I can think of another couple of families at school with 4. No judgement from me, though it’s def not for me. Most people I know have 2. I do judge people who keep on having kids they can’t afford.

Just go on one of the threads about climate change where people are blaming global warming on large S Asian and African families rather than Kylie Jenner.

I guess the judgement is - are her kids not good enough for her, how can she afford the time/attention for them, poor kids not being able to do X Y X that they might if they are only children. Or in single sex, wow she’s clearly trying for a X, her poor Y.

I only know one family with 4 kids, at my dds school. Everyone else most common is 2, then a few with 3.
The family with 4, I only ever see the mum and she’s always struggling at the school gate, I think kids are around 6, 4, 2 and a baby. It looks really hard work, I know people cope but I don’t know how I could!
Our 2 sometimes feels like 10 kids…

Most people I know have 1-3 children. 4+ is rarer.

I'm 1 of 4 siblings so I can see the pros and cons. And there are definitely pros as well as cons.

I don't judge people with a larger family but I do wonder how the parents cope.

Just random stuff like I know someone with 4, the oldest is 20 and youngest is about 3. They have been doing soft play, swimming lessons, playgrounds, primary school, parents evenings, parties for 20 years. And theyve still got many years more to go!!

I only have 2, youngest is 8 and I already feel so OVER all that, although I know I've got a few years to go yet too!

I know a few families with 4+ kids, but not loads. I always wanted 4 children, and look at the mum’s of 4+ kids a little enviously - not judging, just mainly wishing that I was able to handle that many kids! I only have twins, and am barely surviving with them.

I have 4 under 5.
Now let me explain how that happened.
IVF at 33
baby 1 at 35
attend IVF babies party when my baby was 9 months. Discuss round 2 with the staff whilst there.
start ivf again in the same month (I had 3 embryos left)
they insert one but we find out I’m having identical twins.
so we think great, family complete…..
but then…
12 months later, I’m pregnant with baby no 4.

12 months after that… husband gets a vasectomy.

it’s great! I love it and I only get positive comments

Two very close relations have 4 children each. It is relentless and really hard work. They both find it hard sometimes to give each child the attention they need, especially as some of them have additional needs. However, neither would have their family any other way, and enjoy the hustl and bustle of it! I only have one child, and there are times I wish I was able to have another 1 or 2.

My dd is best friends with a child of five. I do t think anything except she's got more formers to play with.

I feel the same now. I have 4, (youngest is pre-teen) through being a bit "oops" - and joyfully rolled my sleeves up.

OMG IT HAS BEEN SO HARD!

life happened, environmental awareness has increased, mý career is shite.

I feel if I'd known then what I know now I may have been a bit more careful. I feel really sad saying this.

I love them all dearly of course.

Luckily I never got judged though. Think carefully OP!

I'm the youngest of four and I love having three siblings, especially as we get older and we're all raising our own children together and the first signs of parent's ageing is creeping in. My DCs have loads of cousins and they all get along brilliantly, despite some stark differences in personalities. I love that my DC have such a wide support network as they grow up. DH has only one brother and they don't have much of a relationship. Caring for elderly parents is going to be hard work on his side.
We have DD and DTs and I would love a fourth in a few years but we can't afford it so I'll just be jealous of people with four.

I have four. People are often surprised but no one has ever been judgey about it.

I have four. 15, 12, 7 and 5. Two sets of two really. There's no way I would have managed had they been born in quick succession. Now that's impressive!

OP, I had 3 boys then my 4th was a girl. I got the perplexed questions until they found out the 4th was a different sex - then all of a sudden people could see why. I found this incredibly hurtful for my 3 older children because I genuinely did not have a 4th because I was trying for a girl. I expected to have another son because that's what I already had and I honestly would have been happy. My boys are as delightful as their sister! Its lovely to have the opposite sex and to experience that shopping for cute baby girl stuff snd not football boots but really it makes no odds and is not a good reason to have a baby.

In all honesty I'd wait a few years because of the cost of living now. It really was cheaper to do this a few years ago and people will struggle now who wouldn't have in the past.

On a practical note s bigger gap means you can stagger university costs!

I just think why? The cost of living is going crazy, what if something terrible happened to your OH, or the child was disabled and you had to look after them 24/7 would you be able to afford life? It also means you have even less time for the other three kids. The world is a mess, climate change is a complete disaster, the world is hugely over populated. To me it's just selfish, I don't think I know anyone with 4 kids.

I know several families locally with four children. I know one with ten children. Most have two though.

i think it’s selfish.
there aren’t enough resources. Infrastructure not in place as it is (waiting lists for swimming/gymnastics etc lessons, school places etc)
bad for the planet
I don’t think you can give each child enough attention
nobody needs four kids. Two is plenty.