Four children

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Do you know anyone with 4 children? What do you think of them?
80% of me would love another child but a part of me worries about judgement. Which isn’t a reason not to have one, but wondering what the general consensus is.

I know lots with 3, one with 4 (twins), another with 4 (all same sex) and one with 5. That’s about it! It’s mostly 2x2 families in my area & my family members have had max 3. I’m an only child!

I have 4 and have been judged on MN (a lot! I’m also a single parent so I think that adds to the judgement) irl most people don’t care, I even had a woman come up to me once and say how lucky I was to have 4 children any time I mention 4 on here it’s usually met with judgement

If you can afford four and you have the time, love and attention for four, that is the main thing.

I would also consider in your decision how you would cope with a large(r) family if number four were to have health issues. After having just spent months in NNU with our DC1, I know that a healthy baby is sadly never guaranteed. In addition, would you cope with four if you or your partner were to fall unexpectedly ill?

Is that a typo or do you mean it does bother you?

I know several families with 4 or more children, I don't think it's unusual at all. What I do find strange is that people judge other people's number of children, I can't remember ever hearing anyone in real life expressing any opinion on this. Why would what anyone else thinks be relevant?

Oh just have 4, don't think about what others think, you do you. As long as you can afford them, I had 4, twins in the middle, just got on with it...

Tbh, you'll get the opposite sex comments whatever

I got it when expecting dc3, then when I had the baby, (same sex as the other 2) I got the are you disappointed comments and then 'will you go for a 4th so you can have a boy/girl'

Honestly, I judge those who manifestly can't deal with any number of kids over 2.

If you can comfortably cope ALONE with four, for whatever reason, crack on. Because being alone is a possibility and something that will happen time to time anyway.

If you'll be stretched for resources or the choices you can make or your ability to support them, then don't.

I say that as a youngest of four who just had to bump along with three demanding elder siblings.

I would feel jealous of a large family especially if they are close with their children and have a lot of time for them.

The reality for us is that we wouldn't be able to afford the slightly nicer things we have now, like holidays abroad and I don't think we would be prepared to compromise on that. I wouldn't judge anyone who wanted four though.

I don't no anyone with 4 DC but if i did i cant see that id care. Why do you find people are judgey?

I'm one of 4 (7 year age gap between oldest and youngest) but always shocked these days at such a large family!

I chose to have one of my own (had enough chaos growing up ).

You shouldn't care what others think. If you can with all your heart say that extra child will not negatively impact your existing children's life by depriving them from time, attention, financials, opportunities .. By all means go for it.

I have four, planned. The youngest is still a baby and they have a gorgeous relationship with their siblings so far. Their lives are enriched by having the baby.

Two factors to seriously consider are he age of the older kids- too big a gap and family outings are compromised for eldest. And the personalities/characters/dynamics with other children. Our older three are straightforward and love younger kids. As a family we had capacity for a L other child. I wouldn't have a fifth though!

Unless people are really blunt you aren't going to know if anyone 'judges' you or not. . I have an only DC (by choice) no one has ever said to my face 'aren't you going to have another?' Or 'your DC must be lonely' but from the posts I read on Mumsnet probably some people do judge my decision.

I can only think of two families close to me with four DC ... it's very hard work and just not possible for the DC to have much individual attention - but maybe not everyone needs or wants that. Like a PP mentions - I would find the chaos and noise levels overwhelming.

We have 4 and they are close together (18,17,14 and 12).

It was VERY hard work when they were little and I was still in denial that I could 'have it all' - have perfect children, keep my career, my house tidy, my husband happy and all whilst looking glamorous and unruffled 😉

I became a SAHM after my 4th and now work very part time on a fraction of my previous salary, but it has meant I have had time to spend with them collectively and individually, take them to clubs, matches, scouting stuff, riding, tennis etc - but it was a juggle and it is expensive. Think about the numbers of pairs of shoes, how fast they grow out of clothes, 4 x phones, laptops, food (esp with 4 sporty teens - 3 boys!) - and cars and holidays are that much more expensive etc etc

However, they all seem happy and I'm often complimented on how happy and polite they are so we are obviously doing something right! Our eldest is heading off to uni this October and I'm so sad there will be no more chimpimg around as a family of 6 over supper every night!

If you can afford them financially and have the time and energy to emotionally support them, then go for it. But yes, prepare for the comments. I felt like getting a t shirt printed with

1. yes I do have a TV
2. yes, I do understand where they come from
3. yes I do have my hands full
4. all mine, and same father

🙄😂

We hav 3, was considering going to four but 3rd has Sen so didn't to make she sure she is supported. All of my friends have 1,2 or 3. But ex h has 6!

All my friends have 3 and I think they're mental but not in a judgey way. I just can't fathom how anyone could be arsed getting 4 kids ready for school. 2 is hell 😂😂😂

To be honest, what I think tends to be determined on whatever is going on in my life. So having a bad day with the DCs bickering, melting down etc I look at 4 and think; 'How do they cope' and if the Dcs are being angelic I looks at four and thing; 'Wouldn't it be lovely'.

I have a friend with 4 kids. People do seem to comment on it - she often gets asked if they're all from the same dad!!

Just the same, I felt completely squeezed out and went somewhat off the rails. Love my siblings now, too many DNs to take much of an interest in them individually.

It is quite overwhelming at times with 3, but I think having a baby/toddler is overwhelming full stop.
DH works long shifts so I quite often have the 3 of them alone, I do also work full time (90% from home) so I get me time - obviously I’d prefer me time doing something else but needs must!
But I do love maternity leave.

No right or wrong decision, to the PP who mentioned time for current children, I mean it’s impossible to give the same time/money with 4 that you’d give 3. But does an extra sibling enrich their lives, both their childhood & future? I know I always wanted a sister. Maybe, maybe not I guess!

Most of my friends have 2, one family I know has 3 and a couple of families have 1. The other day I bumped into an old friend who was pregnant with her 4th. I congratulated her, but I did internally judge a bit as they live in a tiny house and the father doesn't work and the mum works part time in a min wage job, so I don't know how they afford it to be honest.
DH and both work full time earning an OK wage and we do alright with 2 kids, but I wouldn't want to stretch it with anymore.

I have two in secondary, two in primary.

The older two are independent and get ready themselves. I only have youngest two to organise. It's not that bad🤷

Most people I know have 1 or 2. There are a few with 3 but don’t think I know of anyone with 4 or more. Having said that I am the youngest of 6 and even that was a lot 40+ years ago.

All I can think of is how difficult it must be to get around with 4 - what size car would you have?

@Wishihadanalgorithm I have an Audi Q7 and DH has a pick up which we’ve ordered a multimac for to create 4 seats in the back for when baby #4 arrives.

Just one of mine would have enriched my life, I didn't need 3 of them.

Just my honest opinion.

It’s not responsible, but I would never say so to someone who actually had 4 kids and I can’t imagine anyone normal would.