Four children

[03X]

Do you know anyone with 4 children? What do you think of them?
80% of me would love another child but a part of me worries about judgement. Which isn’t a reason not to have one, but wondering what the general consensus is.

I know lots with 3, one with 4 (twins), another with 4 (all same sex) and one with 5. That’s about it! It’s mostly 2x2 families in my area & my family members have had max 3. I’m an only child!

I have 3 and would love one more. Think it's to do with turning 40 yesterday. Mine are 6,4, and 16 months. It's a case of now or never for me as I don't want a bigger gap. My husband would love one more as well.

I wouldn't judge but would wonder if they had contingency plans if a parent became unwell/lost a job/prices went up etc. 4 kids can't leave much room for manoeuvre unless you're hugely well-off.

Four is a lot but I'm not sure I'd think much of it. I know someone having a fifth and just think that's selfish. That could just be because I know them and what they're like as a parent though.

Cabin crew van as it's great for leg room as the kids get older.

I have one and it's really hard work. 4 is madness I think ... but I don't judge.... it's just admiration.

You have a similar argument with one child surely though? If both parents got wiped out in an accident, what happens then?

No one likes to think of these scenarios. Best solution is not to have any at all if looking at the world in that view...

My mum had 4 though 13 year gap between 2&3, divorce etc so it was like 2 groups of bringing up kids, I was 21 when number 4 was born and already left home

Exactly. My mum is the only person with 4 or more kids that knows I judge parents of large families. On the occasions I do meet larger families I keep my judgement under my hat! I'm not stupid enough vocalise most of what I judge!

1 child is much easier to cope with financially though if you lost your job due to redundancy or I'll health - it's one mouth to feed, one pair of school shoes, one uniform etc. And you'd get tax credits and child benefit to help with 1 or 2 kids.

I'd have taken on my sister's eldest 2 had she died, but couldn't contemplate adding 4 to our household and they'd likely be split up in foster care.

margaritasbythebeach
I would just feel jealous! I would have loved more.

That's exactly how I feel.

I would never voice my judgement to anyone IRL, but I do think having that many kids is a kind of arrogance, that the world simply must have more of them, despite the ever increasing pressure on resources. Sorry, but you did ask...

You have a similar argument with one child surely though? If both parents got wiped out in an accident, what happens then?

Being a single parent to 4 children will be much harder than 1, and let's face it statistically it's more likely the relationship will break down than someone dying, which I will still be more difficult the more children you have.

I have two and tbh that's hard enough work and expensive enough..! Two works well in terms of cars, taxis, restaurants, hotel rooms etc etc

No one I know has more than 3 kids. It’s much more common to just have 1. There’s (rightly) a lot of backlash around the environmental consequences of having lots of children and I think it also just results in a worse life for all of you - less time, less money, no real benefit to the children to having a third sibling beyond the initial 2 either.

Also, the world's population is getting quite large... think about the global food supply issues, the environmental factors etc

I have a sister and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be!

I mean it’s impossible to give the same time/money with 4 that you’d give 3. But does an extra sibling enrich their lives, both their childhood & future?

The 'benefit' of the first child is probably greatest!

Personally I feel that 2 parents looking after 2 children works well!

I don’t think anything about them, I’m just glad it’s not me.

We have 2 older then an 8yr gap and 2 younger. It's worked out really well for us.

I honestly only know 1 person with 1 child.

I would never, ever, ever say something but I silently judge and look upon large families with utter disgust. Most of my friends feel the same.

It’s my planet too, you know.

I would judge (negatively!) too.

I struggle to see how anyone other than Jacob Rees- Mogg can afford it. Especially in these times where one or the other parent can easily be out of work. It seems incredibly risky.

Well that's nice isn't it. I'll my paternal grandmother that. She was an indigenous woman who had 11 children (I suspect most of them unwillingly).

This discussion is not about your paternal grandmother.

This discussion is about willingly having four children in 2022, when climate change is a real thing and there is a massive recession looming.