Things you call your neighbours

[WhackingPhoenix]

Met our new neighbours properly for the first time today and they told us they’ve called us ‘Mr and Mrs Metalhead’ for weeks because they didn’t know our names we were actually listening to ABBA today whilst gardening which confused/amused them! Perhaps we’re now Mr and Mrs ABBA instead.

It made me think of all the names I’ve given neighbours in the past: we’ve had ‘Angela with the hair’ (her name turned out to be Carole), ‘Big Dog Man’, ‘Small Dog Lady’, ‘Purple Lady’, ‘Shouty Man’ and simply ‘Keith’ (who may not have been called Keith at all)

What do you call your nameless neighbours?

Oh, god. You're going to get roasted for saying you were listening to music while gardening! It's a huge MN no-no.

I don't really talk about my neighbors much except the man across the road with the dog and the other man across the road. I think they need better nick names.

I would love to know their nicknames for me though.

Freddy Mercury and Who let the dogs out (his wife, she was always playing it).

Oh no I didn’t know that! Surely everyone loves a bit of ABBA, though?! We weren’t being Mr and Mrs Metalhead whilst pruning the roses today, even I will admit that is a touch antisocial

That was...bold of them.

I have literally never done this as an adult, I've always just referred to them as their proper names or if I don't know the names, the house number - eg the couple at no. 21 etc.

As a child we had some lovely neighbours we were friendly with directly across the road, who we innocently nicknamed 'mr and mrs twit' owing to him having a long beard and them both being quite large in stature and bohemian looking and us recently having read the Roald Dahl book.

One day they were crossing over to say hello and we shouted "MUM MR AND MRS TWIT ARE COMING" - I'm not sure she ever recovered from the shame. They politely laughed but I assume realistically were offended.

We've got:
Father Ted
Keyhole Kate
JohnBoy
Mr Muscle and his wife Honey Monster
Wimp of the Year

Haha, we didn’t mind at all! Made us chuckle

I call DP Mr Twit he has a large beard and superglues monkeys to trees gets food stuck in it

The wanker next door

Camera Dave (has cctv)
Bloody Tony (very annoying with Cones for parking)
Annabel alleluia (loves a church festival)

The baseline cunts

wall shaking music day and night. Only time its off is for karaoke and then the music is turned down so the mic is louder.

other side is hat man. 5 years here, seen him multiple times a day and night. Never seen him without a hat. Not once

Mr Grumpy (he is always in a bad mood)

Smoking lady

Crazy cat man (he has at least ten and takes them for walks)
cauliflower (his face just looks like one!)
New wife (she moved in with cauliflower before we even noticed his ex wife had left him!)
The Christmas tree stealers (self explanatory)
The WAG
we also have some lovely neighbours we do know by know by name!

Ferret Face who my DD called Fairy Face, 80's Woman, and Nut Head.

Oh god I hope we’re only called M&MM because of how we look (says I, dressed in a bright yellow sundress) rather than because they can hear our music! We’re two doors along and the Alexa is only on volume 4, I’ve actually just gone down the street to see if you can hear it and I don’t think you can so perhaps it’s based on appearance alone

Very boring over here I'm afraid. We just have:

Dave-next-door
Betty-over-the-road
Bob-and-Mary-on-the-corner

The man a few doors down is a courier working for DPD (he has his own van). We call him DPD-John.

Keep it simples

Creepy Dave
Daddy Shouty

Not so much now as we know everyone after lockdown! But those stuck

Rod Stewart
Geordie
Her (with a meaningful look; we hate Her)
Her Who Crashed Into Your Btither's Car
You Know, The Hot/Cold Ones With The Bar
James The Giant Peach
Waitrose

The Fishwife (she came round screeching), lives with Jabba the Hutt (dead ringer), adult kids are JabbaJunior (uncanny resemblance) and Chicken Foetus (again, resemblance). Neighbours other side are lovely and we use their names

I've got her who can't park

Him who goes out early

Him with the lush dog

And them who look like they are dead

Frizzy
Never actually found out her real name in 2 years of living next door...

We had the Ming Dynasty next door. He was a pensioner who looked like Ming from Flash and had a Thai bride

Kebab man
Donald (deffo his name) and Mrs Donald (deffo NOT her name)
Tennis Tony
Here Puss Puss

The wizards
Gypsy King and his child bride
Angry Zafira Lady
Football Wanker
Linda from Wish
Alan
Mother Gurner

We just call them by their names, apart from our neighbours two doors down. We call him Taj Mahal Guy because he’s currently Dubai-ing the fuck out of his house. Gargantuan renovation! There’s our row of modest terraces… and then there’s his weird and wonky (and huge) ‘palace’… and then, back to terraces. We call his wife The Supermodel. She doesn’t simply walk. She catwalks.

The Bag in the Bungalow (who is actually really lovely but it stuck over something a few years ago)
Net Curtains (who has had the same yellowing nets for years.... )