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Original poster

My vibrator has disappeared…

380 replies

Ummmwhereisit · 04/03/2022 14:47

Name changed for this because vibrators.

I’m home alone and was about to indulge in a spot of alone time before having a quick nap.

My vibrator is not in the hidden box in my bedside drawer as usual. I have absolutely no idea where it is. I’ve searched my partners bedside drawer and it’s not there either. I use it infrequently so can’t recall when I had it last but I’m 99.99% certain it will have gone back in the box that it always does… it’s an old box for something unrelated, think iPhone type, with an insert in and the vibrator sits neatly underneath so even if someone were to open the drawer and get as far as opening the box they wouldn’t necessarily know it was there. Obviously partner knew.

We had a few days away last week and both the cleaner and my parents had keys for the house. I was away last night and am not long home.

Where the fuck is it and who the fuck has moved it?

If you've found this page in your search of how to store sex toys at home and for travel, you might find our guide to the best sex toy storage useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 04/03/2022 17:47

I think DH has packed it for holiday and not yet unpacked it.

princesssparklepants · 04/03/2022 17:47

There was def a story on the shagged married annoyed podcast about someone using there mums vibrator!

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 04/03/2022 18:00

An iPhone box is just begging to be looked inside. It’s very sweet that you’re not a snooper and have no idea!

It will either reappear as mysteriously as it disappeared, and you won’t be able to bring yourself to use it again. Or it will never return.

Either way you just need to buy a new one.

Squiff70 · 04/03/2022 18:00

I had visions of your cleaner having 'borrowed' the box, thinking it contained something valuable and tried to sell it in CEX Grin

Re. A lockable box. I keep mine in a lockable box which doesn't have a key. It's a four-digit number lock on a 'cosmetics' case which only I know the number for. For God's sake just don't forget the number or you're truly fucked. Or not, as the case may be.

As a teen, I had a tiny penis thing that used to expand when soaked in water. It was perfect for hiding because it shrank back down when it dried out after use. It was all well and good until it vanished out of my room after my dad had been in there, never to be seen again Blush

cakewench · 04/03/2022 18:08

I must know the outcome of this. Shameless placemarking Wine

MadForBurpees · 04/03/2022 18:09

@oakleaffy

Have you a dog, *@Ummmwhereisit*. ?

A friend had a silicone penis shaped one disappear, and it was found in the garden, i
Or rather the bollocks were, completely chomped by their Lurcher.

Oh this is too funny. Thanks for posting.🤣 You've made my day!
Original poster
Ummmwhereisit · 04/03/2022 18:10

Too many response to name check. I’ll be back soon as some have really made me laugh.

OP posts:
mam0918 · 04/03/2022 18:11

I once got rushed to the hospital after an accident, I had been with DH (just boyfriend then) a year and we just moved in together and spent the month redoing the house and I had unfortunately bled all over our new light-colored carpet we had fitted just 2 weeks before.

I had to have a transfusion so was kept in hospital and DH had work so he gave MIL the keys to 'clean up' before I got released from hospital.

MIL did a fantastic job of cleaning the entire house spotlessly... including cleaning and organizing my 'toys' and accessories in order of size on the bed.

Fucking mortifying Blush

CaMePlaitPas · 04/03/2022 18:12

You'd be surprised OP. I remember a boyfriend (early teens) found his Mum's vibrator collection and wanted to use them on me. I was only about 13/14 at the time, I was completely freaked out by the idea of sex toys and them being his mother's that I ended the relationship asap after that.

I am almost certain it's with your youngest.

GallopingHighRoad · 04/03/2022 18:13

I thought I saw it on Flight Radar 24 earlier.

It was going round in little circles. Grin

Mamamamasaurus · 04/03/2022 18:19

It's shacked up with an ironing board

miltonj · 04/03/2022 18:22

@mam0918

I once got rushed to the hospital after an accident, I had been with DH (just boyfriend then) a year and we just moved in together and spent the month redoing the house and I had unfortunately bled all over our new light-colored carpet we had fitted just 2 weeks before.

I had to have a transfusion so was kept in hospital and DH had work so he gave MIL the keys to 'clean up' before I got released from hospital.

MIL did a fantastic job of cleaning the entire house spotlessly... including cleaning and organizing my 'toys' and accessories in order of size on the bed.

Fucking mortifying Blush

Wtf! Your mil has issues haha
BruceAndNosh · 04/03/2022 18:29

Lost things normally turn up in the place where they were last used.
Have you checked your vag?

DoorWasAJar · 04/03/2022 18:34

@Squiff70

I had visions of your cleaner having 'borrowed' the box, thinking it contained something valuable and tried to sell it in CEX Grin

Re. A lockable box. I keep mine in a lockable box which doesn't have a key. It's a four-digit number lock on a 'cosmetics' case which only I know the number for. For God's sake just don't forget the number or you're truly fucked. Or not, as the case may be.

As a teen, I had a tiny penis thing that used to expand when soaked in water. It was perfect for hiding because it shrank back down when it dried out after use. It was all well and good until it vanished out of my room after my dad had been in there, never to be seen again Blush

A tiny shrinking expanding penis? What on earth was it made from, not sponge?
Dasher789 · 04/03/2022 18:38

@BruceAndNosh

Lost things normally turn up in the place where they were last used. Have you checked your vag?
Grin
Squiff70 · 04/03/2022 18:48

@DoorWasAJar no idea but I guess some sort of silicone!

yotequiero · 04/03/2022 18:51

When we were around 18/19 my friend's dildo went missing. It ended up that her 13 y/o sister had taken it and had shown it to her friends when they came round Shock

Mammyloveswine · 04/03/2022 18:56

Have you tried praying to st anthony?

Tiredmumno1 · 04/03/2022 18:56

@GallopingHighRoad

I thought I saw it on Flight Radar 24 earlier.

It was going round in little circles. Grin

I was about to say wrong thread, then I clicked GrinGrinGrin
bettytaghetti · 04/03/2022 19:03

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Does it have ribbed sides? Do you have a primary-aged child. If so, they took it to impress their music teacher with how good their rhythm is when scratching up and down the side of it with a pencil. Meanwhile, the music teacher has a perpetual 'funny story' to beat everybody else's, should they ever go on a game show Grin

Alternatively, do you have a pre-schooler? If so, check next to the Peppa car and caravan in their toy box and you'll find that Peppa has now acquired her own lovely new rocket.

I love that your possible explanations for disappearance are so precise; are we speaking from experience? 😂
OwlIceCrem · 04/03/2022 19:05

We got burgled once. Very obvious, drawers and cupboards open etc. We were away so no cash/ cards etc but they literally took nothing… although my bullet vibrator was never seen again…

StScholastica · 04/03/2022 19:12

@Marmelace

Mine went missing once, my ex admitted he taken and thrown it away because he was jealous of it.
GrinGrin That's so funny.
blahblahbiscuits · 04/03/2022 19:15

@rwalker

Check the kitchen draws have in laws tidy up and mistaken it for a whisk
Sorry, but a WHISK?? I'm clenching just saying that.
BoldMove · 04/03/2022 19:17

This is hilarious. Stating the obvious but have you taken the drawer out and checked that it hasn't fallen to the back and into the base of the unit?

winewolfhowls · 04/03/2022 19:22

@Mammyloveswine

Have you tried praying to st anthony?
Amazing