My vibrator has disappeared…

[Ummmwhereisit]

Name changed for this because vibrators.

I’m home alone and was about to indulge in a spot of alone time before having a quick nap.

My vibrator is not in the hidden box in my bedside drawer as usual. I have absolutely no idea where it is. I’ve searched my partners bedside drawer and it’s not there either. I use it infrequently so can’t recall when I had it last but I’m 99.99% certain it will have gone back in the box that it always does… it’s an old box for something unrelated, think iPhone type, with an insert in and the vibrator sits neatly underneath so even if someone were to open the drawer and get as far as opening the box they wouldn’t necessarily know it was there. Obviously partner knew.

We had a few days away last week and both the cleaner and my parents had keys for the house. I was away last night and am not long home.

Where the fuck is it and who the fuck has moved it?

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Does it have ribbed sides? Do you have a primary-aged child. If so, they took it to impress their music teacher with how good their rhythm is when scratching up and down the side of it with a pencil. Meanwhile, the music teacher has a perpetual 'funny story' to beat everybody else's, should they ever go on a game show

Alternatively, do you have a pre-schooler? If so, check next to the Peppa car and caravan in their toy box and you'll find that Peppa has now acquired her own lovely new rocket.

@1forAll74 - I am now wondering whether you are one of our neighbours, as our garden backs onto a small field and one day a few years ago, our spaniel proudly presented DH and toddler DS with a bright pink vibrator during a walk. DS was delighted and couldn't wait to come in and show me the 'toy rocket'

You said you’ve been away, did you take it with you? Or maybe your oh packed it to take with you and hasn’t put it back?

@rwalker

Check the kitchen draws have in laws tidy up and mistaken it for a whisk

A WHISK?!

@Marmelace

Mine went missing once, my ex admitted he taken and thrown it away because he was jealous of it.

🤣🤣🤣

DC has found it, dropped/broken it, thrown it away in an outside bin.

I found my mum's copy of The Joy Of Sex when I was about 12 and snooping in her wardrobe for Christmas presents. To this day whenever I see a beard I have flashbacks.

Have you checked the bathroom - see if somebody has sellotaped a toothbrush head to it whilst complaining that precision engineering isn't what it was?

@Gregsprinkles

Just can't imagine a teen taking their mums vibrator. Way too gross, surely?

They came out of there, at some point 😭

My vote is multiverse braiding or mandela effect. It might appear out of nowhere.

But most likely the teen or the cleaner?

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Have you checked the bathroom - see if somebody has sellotaped a toothbrush head to it whilst complaining that precision engineering isn't what it was?

😃

@Useranon1 There’s whisks now and women are expected to use them on their genitalia?! I must’ve missed something

[quote MamTDM]@1forAll74 - I am now wondering whether you are one of our neighbours, as our garden backs onto a small field and one day a few years ago, our spaniel proudly presented DH and toddler DS with a bright pink vibrator during a walk. DS was delighted and couldn't wait to come in and show me the 'toy rocket' [/quote]
Mystery solved 😦

I reckon one of the kids has it. I used to look through my parents drawers for SEX THINGS because I was curious. Found sexy underwear and conforms. Tried the underwear on, stole and condom and unwrapped it to look at it. If I’d found a vibrator adult me is saying that I wouldn’t have used it but looking back maybe I would have done. I don’t think I’d have been able to quite understand that my mum had used it (I’d have convinced myself otherwise) so I might have had a go. I’d definitely have sneaked it to school in my bag to laugh at with my friends in the toilets. Check the teen’s bag maybe?

@oakleaffy

Have you a dog, *@Ummmwhereisit*. ?

A friend had a silicone penis shaped one disappear, and it was found in the garden, i
Or rather the bollocks were, completely chomped by their Lurcher.

Bloody hell! Lucky he didn’t get a blockage, poor doggo 😭

@1forAll74

Some years ago I lived in another house, with a long garden at the back, and overlooking a small field , I was gardening one day, and saw neighbours labrador dog running around and playing with a pink vibrator, llke one of those rampant rabbit ones, he was kind of throwing it about, and sometimes chewing into it.., so have you got a thieving dog ?

I’d expect this from a whippet but a labrador? I thought they’re well behaved 😃

@rwalker

Check the kitchen draws have in laws tidy up and mistaken it for a whisk

My mum once found mine and waved it aloft enquiring whether it was a torch...just I walked I to the room with my (rather more worldly) dad.

We just looked at one another, then at my mum and answered 'no' in unison 🤣.

There was a twitter thread the other day about dogs finding vibrators in random places and proudly showing their humans. I did wonder how said devices escaped in the first place and now I know.

I remember rooting around in my mum’s drawers, just being a nosy sod, when I was about 13 or 14 and finding hers. I slammed the drawer closed and can still feel the burning horror and spine crunching embarassment 40 years later. I’d rule out teens.

@Tlollj

Must be your in laws or one of the kids. Can’t just buzz off on it’s own.

oh i see what you did there

DD brought a jelly type, vibrating cockring home from school once. She told me her friend had given her a "friendship ring".

Seeing as your DC are much older I can't see that being the case. Where do you clean it? Could you have left it on the side in the bathroom and an embarrassed DC put it in the bin?

DD brought a jelly type, vibrating cockring home from school once. She told me her friend had given her a "friendship ring".

I suppose you could call it that.

Has your cleaner had anything surgically removed from their arse lately?

Is your navel rotating?

🤣🤣🤣

Your partner might have packed it for your trip away

Did you maybe go into the bathroom/another room to wash it, and then left it in there?

Or maybe you and your husband used it together downstairs when the kids were out?

Or have you take it on holiday at any point?