My vibrator has disappeared…

[Ummmwhereisit]

Name changed for this because vibrators.

I’m home alone and was about to indulge in a spot of alone time before having a quick nap.

My vibrator is not in the hidden box in my bedside drawer as usual. I have absolutely no idea where it is. I’ve searched my partners bedside drawer and it’s not there either. I use it infrequently so can’t recall when I had it last but I’m 99.99% certain it will have gone back in the box that it always does… it’s an old box for something unrelated, think iPhone type, with an insert in and the vibrator sits neatly underneath so even if someone were to open the drawer and get as far as opening the box they wouldn’t necessarily know it was there. Obviously partner knew.

We had a few days away last week and both the cleaner and my parents had keys for the house. I was away last night and am not long home.

Where the fuck is it and who the fuck has moved it?

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If you've found this page in your search of how to store sex toys at home and for travel, you might find our guide to the best sex toy storage useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

It cant be being used as a whisk! It would take forever to whip cream with it

@Mamamamasaurus

It's shacked up with an ironing board

🤣🤣 God that bloody ironing board still bothers me!

Is your partner walking funny or emitting a faint buzzing noise? Put your head on his abdomen and listen.

Check the dog?

Has you MIL been particularly happy and walking round with a big lately? It could be her!

Hahah love this thread. I really want to know where it's gone!

Mine went missing and then reappeared. It was my DD who at the time was totally in the things like that gross her out stage.

Then it went again a year later! So bought her one of her own and it never disappeared again.

Obviously before someone says it - lots of conversations about privacy, hygiene, sexual discovery etc etc we're had.

@MermaidEyes

My friend and I used to rummage in her parents bedroom as teenagers and found dirty magazines and videos, and sexy lingerie. My parents were never that exciting! Maybe one of your kids took it to Snapchat it to their mates and forgot to return it?

I’ll never forget the time when I (15/16?) went into a my parents bedroom to play on the keyboard (parents were aware that I would do this and were fine with it as long as the room was empty) and saw a big rubbish bag. Me being the nosy person I am, puts my hand in only to pull out a VHS of Porn! I ran out of the room in hysterics, so mum comes upstairs to make sure I’m okay and then notices what I’ve discovered and sheepishly says “that’s bags going to the dump. It’s not ours” apparently, it was my uncles who ‘accidentally’ left it round .

Sounds like a job for Inspector Poir-ohhh

your DH has it

he's been 'experimenting'

Lost things normally turn up in the place where they were last used
Have you checked your vag?

We do a fair few "removal of foreign body" procedures at work. Usually married men. We always offer the object back to them but they always decline and just want to get out of hospital ASAP
Just a thought

Dying to know if you've found it or not

@DoorWasAJar
Re lurcher who ate the actual “Penis” and left the bollocks,
I too asked if she was ok…
Silicone can lodge in stomachs of Pets.

That was years ago while Lurcher was young- She’s an older dog now, and fortunately ok

She also swallows Tennis 🎾 ball “ skins” and doesn’t suffer ill effects!
She is a Bull Lurcher.

@Annna41

We do a fair few "removal of foreign body" procedures at work. Usually married men. We always offer the object back to them but they always decline and just want to get out of hospital ASAP Just a thought

I’ve heard of this from staff in hospital Some crazy things retrieved- A toy dinosaur 🦖 ?! I mean- that HAS To hurt.

@BruceAndNosh

Lost things normally turn up in the place where they were last used. Have you checked your vag?

🤣😂🤣

@Ummmwhereisit

That would be odd Marmelace as we use it more often together than anything else but it’s a possibility I guess. We’ve been together over 25 years now though so you’d have thought this might come up before if it was an issue.

I’m actually feeling really weirded out by this. Why would anyone do this?

Men are weird. I'd suspect the fella's had a hand in its disappearance.

I had one disappear years ago never to be seen again too

@oakleaffy

That 80s song - everyone walk the dinosaur is now playing in my head😀

Another thought, if its orange, check in your bag of carrots.

@Ummmwhereisit

Ugh. I think I’ll just not bother. Do people really have lockable boxes in their bedrooms with stuff like this in?! Where do you keep the keys? Can you be arsed to lock and unlock and locate the keys? Or are you all much more organised people than me and don’t spend 10 minutes every morning scrabbling about screeching ‘where are my fucking car keys?’ Can’t imagine that going down well in the heat of the moment 😂😂

I remember being a teen but I know that even as a teen, handling something that had been anywhere near my mothers vajeen would have made it a hard no from me.

Yes, I really do have a lockable box in my bedroom with stuff like this in. No need to faff around hunting for keys though, mine has a 4 digit number lock instead 😂😂

🤣

I say kids definitely. I had a small shiny silver bullet one that I once walked in to my son (who is a little magpie loving anything shiny) fiddling with it. My instinct was to immediately try get it off him and yet try and act casual too so by my reaction he was obviously intrigued by it and kept mentioning it for months 😂🙈🤦‍♀️

When you washed it did you forget and leave in bathroom, check cupboard.

Is it in the dishwasher with the toilet brush ?