I’m going to look horrible on my own wedding day

[Caramelvanillafudge]

Arghhh, I’m an idiot.

I am getting married next month. I’ve put on a bit of weight and thought I could lose it in time but it hasn’t happened. I do look fat: there’s no way I can avoid that.

I’ve never been brilliant at putting on makeup and I only wear foundation and mascara. I just don’t suit lipstick or eye shadow or blusher. Stupidly, I thought I’d get someone to do my hair and makeup. And I had a trial run yesterday and it looked RIDICULOUS! The hair style made me look even fatter and I looked like JK Rowling’s description of Dolores Umbridge. The makeup just made me look stupid. There was nothing wrong with how she did it, it just looked silly on me.

I know I could just do my own hair and makeup but then I’ve messed everyone around and spent money I don’t have.

I just want to get married in jeans and a cardigan in a registry office

@obusrath

Goodness OP, if your attitude shows on your face, no wonder you're dissatisfied with the way you look.

Wow. Are you proud of yourself for saying that?

I’m pleased a few people have pulled that up.

@BuanoKubiamVej

You are not going to look horrible. Everyone - including overweight people with no makeup on - looks beautiful when their eyes are full of joy and love. Makeup and hair that aren't "you" and make you feel uncomfortable are only going to damage your confidence. Your size doesn't matter a bit. I got married over 20 years ago and was a size 18 that day. I'm back to a size 14 now but I reflect now that most of the romantic gestures we shared before we married involved huge numbers of calories so it wasn't surprising. But looking at my wedding photos it doesn't seem that I look fat, I only look happy (and I was).

Rethink the makeup - ask for a "natural look" and keep thinks light. Makeup that slaps on enough foundation to create a blank canvas and then draws a new face on top just doesn't feel right if you aren't used to it. Hairstyle plans can change too.

But your fiance isn't marrying you for your hairstyle, weight or lipstick style. None of these things are truly important so go with what feels comfortable. Your wedding isn't a showcase of how beautiful and stylish you are. It's about love. Everything else is a distraction.

Such a lovely post xx

@Caramelvanillafudge

I can crash diet but I won’t be where I want to be.

There’s no point looking at tutorials or anything. It’s me. That’s why I couldn’t feed back to her, there was nothing wrong with what she did, if it was someone else else’s face!

Sounds like you have low self esteem. You might want to see someone about that. Get the makeup artist to try different things. Give her feedback. Tell her your concerns. Google different hairstyles and bring pictures into your hairdresser discuss what you want. Your wedding day should be a joyous occasion. Not something you are dreading. Both hair and makeup people will want you to be happy and will work with you.

Sounds like you have low self esteem.

No, not especially.

You might want to see someone about that

Absolutely not.

Your wedding day should be a joyous occasion. Not something you are dreading

Actually, I do disagree with this. I think marriage should be mostly joyous but weddings, including mine, will most probably be rather exhausting and expensive.

I know exactly what you mean @Caramelvanillafudge. I dread getting wedding invites for the same reasons.

I just wanted to say I admire your ability on this thread to stay true to yourself.

Here's hoping you can grin and bear the bits your uncomfortable with on the big day and then change into something more relaxed for the food, fun and partying

Have you thought about getting another outfit to change into after the meal etc?

I’ve seen a few people do it now. Something more comfortable for dancing etc.

Just trying to think of ways to make you more comfortable in yourself on the day.

This thread brought back memories of my hair in my wedding day. It was a registry office wedding and I had a long dress and jacket. Dress already altered to fit as I hadn’t lost weight. No veil as it wasn’t that sort of dress. I had short hair. Decided to go to a pretty fashionable and expensive hair salon on the morning of the wedding for a wash and blow dry. Explained I was going to a wedding. My wedding. They were surprised I hadn’t had a rehearsal. It’s short hair I thought. What can go wrong? Lots. Lots can go wrong. It looked like a bird’s nest. I actually laughed. I said to the girl I know I’m relaxed but would you really expect me to get married like this? She redid it.

And then the DJ didn’t show up.

Other than that it was fine! I hate the photos though.

I could, possibly. I will give it some thought.

Sheesh OP.

Just do the day as you want and get through it best you can. Wear the dress (even though you think you won't look great), do your own hair and make up so you feel slightly more yourself.

It seems as though you are telling others how to think. I mean that you are assuming others will think this and that. Quite frankly, that's a bit much! Let people decide for themselves what they think of you and whether or not they care to express it!

It's only one day after all. You won't be in as much pain on that day as the you were on the day you gave birth. It will be over just as quickly. Best of luck. Hope you enjoy it regardless!

I really don’t know how many times I have said that it isn’t about other people. It is about me.

HI - I also understand completely how you feel and I am another one for whom the wedding itself meant more to DH than me.

I have found that the best way for me to feel good about these situations is to opt for good quality. The quality making me feel it is dressy and special occasiony

Would a simple good quality dress that isn't a 'wedding dress' be more comfortable?

I didn't wear a wedding dress - i chose a pretty long dress from a boutique in Brighton. I had seen it in the window and didn't bother trying anything else. I got my hair cut by a local hairdresser a couple of days before and dyed it myself. I had a pair of flat shoes that were from a high street chain. No new underwear or jewellery etc - just me in a dress I liked. It was still a 'wedding' dress - just not a 'wedding dress' - it was more me and I felt happier.

Could you change your dress? something that is still a bit special but more you?

I did my own make-up - but barely wear any and the couple of times it has been done for me I have hated it in a 'you can't shine shit' kind of way.

Our photographer was a friend who wandered round and didn't do formal photos.

I chose what I wanted to do, did it my way and felt more me. I didn't do what was expected of a bride - but without making a stand being quirky or awkward. Still don't want to do it all again (over 20 years later I think it is unlikely that it would ever happen again) but it made DH happy

It’s weird if you think about it. It’s supposed to be a joyous day but loads of people end us doing things which they would be uncomfortable with in day to day life.
But even if the formal part is a bit excruciating I hope you have a fun party, I agree with PP suggesting changing into a more comfortable outfit, and a grand married life.

Caramelvanillafudge

You seem to hate yourself and be very miserable in general OP

Wrong.

Day to day, I am a slightly overweight, plain, unremarkable woman who nonetheless managed to have a beautiful baby, has a rewarding (sometimes) and worthwhile (sometimes) job with a beautiful home and a husband to be who is lovely (and annoying, sometimes.) grin

When said plain, unremarkable woman tries to dress up, she looks like a twat, and vents on MN.

Not really the worlds most pressing need for urgent mental health intervention, is it?

Ok, mate, you’re over-doing it now. So, you’re “ugly” and a bit fat.

Your fiancé loves you, wants to marry you and you have a healthy baby.

I was sympathetic because I thought you were being forced into the kind of day you didn’t want. Seems you’re willing to go along with it. So, deep breath. It’s one day. You don’t have to look at the photos.
Then, move on and enjoy your pretty nice sounding life.
(For gawd’s sake don’t do the “professional” make up thing)

Crikey, missed the career bit.

That too? Seriously, you’re sorted.

I have no wedding photos because I didn’t see the point. I don’t do photos, never have.

We got married in a Registry Office and that was it. I wore a simple cotton dress because it was summer but I had no interest in making it into anything other than a box to be ticked.

Honestly OP, if you’re not interested in the whole ‘special day’ nonsense, don’t buy into it.

We’re still happily married several years later, and that’s really all that matters.

@Caramelvanillafudge

I really don’t know how many times I have said that it isn’t about other people. It is about me.

Make the best of it. If you don't care what other people think then just get on with it! Have a fab day.

Long floaty dresses are totally fashionable at the moment. If you really can’t bear the dress buy a long sleeved floaty cream dress a la carrie johnson. She rented hers I think

Weddings are about live you won't care in the day and it's nothing a cheeky champagne won't help you forget your insecurities

Hope you have a lovely day , relax and enjoy it ! It's about you and your partner and your happiness and love

Weddings are about LOVE I mean

I've read most of your posts OP but not the whole thread.

Just my point of view, it probably won't help but I thought I'd throw it in to the mix anyway. I think when we look in the mirror the first thing we see is our flaws. When I speak to friends and they'll complain about something, it's usually something I've never noticed and still don't.

Whatever you decide I would strongly suggest you at least get your nails done nicely for when the ring goes on