I’m going to look horrible on my own wedding day

[Caramelvanillafudge]

Arghhh, I’m an idiot.

I am getting married next month. I’ve put on a bit of weight and thought I could lose it in time but it hasn’t happened. I do look fat: there’s no way I can avoid that.

I’ve never been brilliant at putting on makeup and I only wear foundation and mascara. I just don’t suit lipstick or eye shadow or blusher. Stupidly, I thought I’d get someone to do my hair and makeup. And I had a trial run yesterday and it looked RIDICULOUS! The hair style made me look even fatter and I looked like JK Rowling’s description of Dolores Umbridge. The makeup just made me look stupid. There was nothing wrong with how she did it, it just looked silly on me.

I know I could just do my own hair and makeup but then I’ve messed everyone around and spent money I don’t have.

I just want to get married in jeans and a cardigan in a registry office

Well thank you for the kinder responses who do understand.

I’m not really wanting to wear anything odd or funky or off piste. I tend to dress in simple clothes.

I am grateful to those who do understand.

Just grit your teeth - it's just one day to get through. Cut down the photos- I spoke with the photographer and she took some close ups of me facing the groom so it was more focused on him than me which captured the emotion but not me. You also are under no obligation to display the pictures either. Good luck.

@Caramelvanillafudge

Well thank you for the kinder responses who do understand.

I’m not really wanting to wear anything odd or funky or off piste. I tend to dress in simple clothes.

I am grateful to those who do understand.

Seriously though, no one needs to look bad in a planned professional photo. Google how to look slimmer in photographs, where the light should be to flatter you and so on. In terms of looking good for posterity, it's the photography that does the heavy lifting.

Years ago I was a bridesmaid and got my hair and make up done, I had been on medication that made me put on weight etc. I thought it would make me feel and look better to have my hair and face done. It didn't. I hate all the photos. So before my own more relaxed wedding I got a make up tutorial, the week before did my face in a way that was slightly more polished than my day to day look but still felt like me and I got my sister to do my hair, out loose with a lovely hairband. My weight incidentally wasn't much different but I felt so much more happier and relaxed. So maybe instead of the fancy hair do just get a blowdry from a hairdresser that morning? and maybe get a few wee bits of make up that you can use again and a tutorial. I had illuminating powder instead of blusher and the lady who did the tutorial got my to try and eye shadow that really worked with my eyes. nice lippy that wasn't really bold either. She had a good eye for colour. I had been through something really awful 10 days before my wedding that meant was dreading the day but on the day I forgot and we had a lovely time and I after the initial getting ready kind of forgot my own appearance.

You sound like an eminently sensible person to me, and I get what you mean about the whole dress-up performance feeling like it makes things worse not better - and how disappointing that is!

I think people have an urge to offer "advice" and "help" and then, via the safety of the anonymous internet, get snippy when they feel like they're clever and helpful solutions are rejected. But I get why none of this advice is helpful!

I was going to suggest a sort of "fuck this noise" attitude might be helpful on the day. Can you get your head into an almost snug place where you go "yup, I'm a troll, but here I come having a fucking fancy wedding with my fucking awesome husband and I'm fucking allowed to!" I don't know if that would help you enjoy it anymore, but it's sad that it might feel like an ordeal because of all the stupid performance pressure. 😒

Don't stress about it lovely. I also did my own makeup and hair on my wedding day. We got married young and didn't have much money.
In my 50's now and still don't like foundation very much and tend to keep my makeup simple unless I'm going 'out out'.
I would maybe get some 'tan lux' drops which you can put in your moisturiser. It will give you a nice glow. Trinny does some nice lip to cheeks colours that can be really subtle and a bit of mascara that is all you need. I wouldn't go for styling your hair too differently to what you usually do. Maybe just get a blow-dry rather than a 'wedding hair' IUKWIM
Also...can we maybe see a photo of your dress so that we can convince you that you will really look lovely?

I looked like shit on my wedding day. I never look at the photos. But I’m still happily married 20 years later regardless. It’s thankfully only one day and not the most important day of your marriage, merely the first. You might feel uncomfortable and look like a bit of a twat, but once it’s over, you can get in with enjoying being married to a lovely man having given him the day that he wants.

my sister has a few wedding photos up, and in their faves i think its a very long shot of the 2 together forehead to forehead (ie leaning in), showing off both their long dresses (2 ladies)

So no real focus on their faces at all. Or pics of them walking away from camera, holding hands etc.

OP, I understand totally. I have been married twice and oh dear... first one I was 17 and desperately unhappy, I knew I was doing the wrong thing. The only plus was that I eloped to Scotland so nobody saw it! The 2nd one was... better. A bit. I was 8 months pregnant and wore an outfit my SIL lent me. I looked like a fuchsia pink, knitted barage balloon. Luckily there were no photos as the only camera was broken. DD was born 5 days later
You will get no diet or makeup advice from me as I am hopeless at both. On a good day I look like a depressed, chubby meerkat. I have only two suggestions; a second outfit, a smarter version of what you usually wear so you will be more comfortable for the later part of the day. I did this when forced into mother of the bride shenanigans for DD's wedding and it made such a difference. Loose fitting black trousers and a really elegant coat type thing, for once I didn't feel like a total lemon!
Second suggestion? Just bloody enjoy it. Sounds like a great party in prospect. All the best to you.

I think everyone can accept that a professional make-up and hair-do won't turn a plain woman into a raving beauty for the day.

However, you say you have great hair and a gorgeous dress, so there is no way that you will not look good on your wedding day.

A bit of make-up improves everyone's general appearance, no matter how plain they are.

Over the years I've worked in mainly female environments e.g. nursing and have seen any number of wedding pictures - the brides being every which shape, size, plain/pretty you can imagine and have yet to see one who didn't look nice on the big day.

Despite your protestations I can bet you will carry it off and look as lovely as any other bride!

I totally did my own hair and make up but I did go for a consultation first and bought some decent quality stuff. Go for someone like Bobbi Brown and get them to show you how to apply it, you can go for a super simple and subtle look but it will make you look better especially in the photos. Same with hair either do your own (mine is short so no up do or anything) or tell the hairdresser more specifically what you want ie not big and bouffant but simple.

@obusrath what a horrible thing to say and totally needless.

Hi OP, thanks for this thread. It's actually been an interesting read. I think it's a case of grit your teeth and get through the day, as I'm sure you will, for the man you love. It's one day. You sound great and so does your life.

Could you wear something different once the photos are done so that you can have a good dance.

This thread highlights the tyranny (over women) of feeling you have to be the 'perfect bride'. It's old-fashioned, a hangover from when most brides really were very young. It puts pressure on the majority of women getting married who are not so young, not really slim and not beautiful. Even as a skinny 20 year old bride (first marriage) I still felt ridiculous in a wedding dress because I lived in ripped jeans at the time. Good luck OP it'll be fine and it isn't important in the scheme of things.

I hoe you have a very enjoyable day OP. I did look beautiful on my Wedding Day, although I only look ordinary on other days. I did not enjoy the day one bit!

We got married in the nicest registry office I have ever seen. We had a lovely Wedding Breakfast in a pretty venue overloking sparkling blue sea (we were in England, and were very lucky to have a glorious day weather wise). In the evening we had a fun party (can't explain it in more detail as adding everything together will make it too outing). I had my lovely family there, including my gorgeous children from my previous marriage.

I was so stressed for the whole day. First I was sure that my Fiance would not turn up (he had said or done nothing to give me that impression, and he obviously did turn up). My DH had a wonderful day, everyone else seemed to enjoy it. I looked pretty in my dress, I had very natural make-up, but again it looked pretty. My smile and my hair were my best features, and both looked great in the photos afterwards - sorry, I don't ever blow my own trumpet, but I think it is important that you know that even though I looked great, had a pretty outfit on (a cocktail type dress - not white, and light cream jacket on top of it, both from Laura Ashley, but not sold together) - I am going to admit to something now that I have never told anyone before (I'm not even sure that this isn't the first time I have fully admitted this to myself) - I didn't just not enjoy my wedding day, I hated it! I am grinning in all the photos, but it was one long day of exhausting acting. My smiles honestly look natural, but I felt extremely stressed, even though I loved my husband very much, I wanted to be married to him, and even though that love has grown even deeper over the years, I still hated it. I have no idea why I was so stressed, it was a beautifu day in all ways (on the outside), and the day went just as expected.

OP, please try to relax and enjoy your day! You are marrying someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Most of the people there (well at least on your side of the family and friends) already know what you look like. They will hopefully be there because they love you, your personality, everything about you. Most importantly, you want to be married to your DFiance, he wants to be married to you. He wants you to have a lovely day, and you want him to, which is why you are going along with this. You don't have to have any of your photos on show afterwards, but why don't you ask the photographer to do a special one of your - by then DH - maybe with a couple of other special people in it, if you would like that, then you can display that afterwards, if you want to put a photo up, but hate the ones with you in them (but I really hope you don't hate them).

My one bit of advice for you regarding how you look on the day - please DITCH the blusher.

No Bride needs blusher on their Wedding Day, your cheeks will have enough of a glow without that, even in February!

Please come back and tell us how it went OP, and Many Congratulations to you and your DFiance for your upcoming Wedding Day.

@Caramelvanillafudge

It’s more looking silly that I’m worried about. It’s one thing to be a plain, overweight women in black work trousers and a grey jumper, but a plain, overweight women in a fairy princess dress is making me cringe a bit.

I actually know exactly what you mean. I went to a wedding last year and did my absolute best dressing and makeup and spanx and all the bells and whistles. And in the photos ( that I have looked at precisely once) I look just like me. I mean I was presentable and in 20 years I'll look again and think oh I was so much younger then. But I still just look like me. I'm not really pretty or really thin or young anymore. So I looked like your average 50+ years woman. So sadly i still look like me and I didnt want to. For that day at least I wanted to look better than me. Sigh.

I don’t think anyone necessarily thinks all brides enjoy their actual wedding day - I don’t think it’s some sort of shameful secret. This is purely about the aesthetics. Vain maybe, but it would be nice for a decent photograph or two of me to be in circulation.

Yes, indeed @Terfydactyl - I hear you!

Depends on what weight you’d like to loose but in a month I’d ditch anything sweet sticky or fizzy probably go really low carb/ gluten free. Drink loads of plain water
As for make up just wear what you normally wear - maybe a new mascara and a coloured lip seal
Or none at all. - makeup isn’t compulsory

Do come back and tell us how it went tho

Ditch the makeup person and write off that money. When I was married to my ex I felt ridiculous as she caked me in makeup and I looked about 50, even though I was 20. I was just too timid to say I loathed it. When I got remarried, I researched this lady to the hilt and we practiced several styles at my makeup trial. When she tried a lipstick I didn’t like I just said no thanks. We eventually found a gorgeous style and I felt so confident on the day. It can be done, just be sure you know what you want.

Don’t panic, you will look like you (the groom and your family and friends love you and like you, so you looking like you is a good thing)

I did my own hair and make up for my wedding, and make up was just mascara and lip balm, as that’s just my “normal”, and my hair blow dried straight, by myself

DH and I were smiling so much, and most pics were lovely. And we looked like ourselves.

Not everyone likes to look “done”, it sounds like you’re a similar tribe as me, so just stick with being you and enjoy the day

Oh I know exactly what you mean, OP! I looked fucking dreadful on my wedding day. We had a heatwave, and in all the photos I'm red, glistening and have a big blob of black mascara under my eye. And my hair is limp and damp with sweat.

I'm plain and I don't mind admitting it. A wedding dress, curled hair and make-up made not one jot of difference.

I wish I'd just gone and got married in a registry office in my jeans.

Do your own make up. I paid a fortune for someone to paint me like a clown because everyone told me it would look better in photos. It did not look better in photos. (I paid another fortune for a whole album of photos of me looking like a fucking clown).

If I could do my wedding again, I would do jeans and a piss up.