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I’m going to look horrible on my own wedding day

271 replies

Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 07:24

Arghhh, I’m an idiot.

I am getting married next month. I’ve put on a bit of weight and thought I could lose it in time but it hasn’t happened. I do look fat: there’s no way I can avoid that.

I’ve never been brilliant at putting on makeup and I only wear foundation and mascara. I just don’t suit lipstick or eye shadow or blusher. Stupidly, I thought I’d get someone to do my hair and makeup. And I had a trial run yesterday and it looked RIDICULOUS! The hair style made me look even fatter and I looked like JK Rowling’s description of Dolores Umbridge. The makeup just made me look stupid. There was nothing wrong with how she did it, it just looked silly on me.

I know I could just do my own hair and makeup but then I’ve messed everyone around and spent money I don’t have.

I just want to get married in jeans and a cardigan in a registry office Sad

OP posts:
sillysmiles · 28/01/2022 11:24

@Caramelvanillafudge

what would have been helpful to hear?

When people say things like this, my tendency is to ignore, because it is usually bluster at having been corrected.

People are free to reply as they wish but I reserve the right to point out that replies insisting that you will be beautiful are not helpful because they are untrue and anyway, how could anyone know that?

This is a safe space to vent some sadness, no more or less than that.

If you genuinely think you won't look well on your wedding day and are just looking to vent, that's fine. In that case I'd think, maybe try remove some of the importance from looks and try focus on other aspects of your wedding that do make you happy.
I hope you enjoy your day and are able to remove the importance of looks on the day from your head.
StylishMummy · 28/01/2022 11:26

OP if you're literally going to stamp your feet, insist you're hideous and will hate how you look, sod all anyone here says is going to make a difference.

Beauty and ugliness are entirely subjective and confidence is attractive as a quality over physical beauty. You having no confidence is more 'ugly' than your facial features/fat.

Wear white jeans and a white top to get married in if that would make you feel better. Just do what will give you a tiny glimmer of confidence

thisplaceisweird · 28/01/2022 11:28

If you turn up to your wedding day hating yourself, being self-conscious with a face like a smacked arse, then yes you will look bad, particularly in photos.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

WonderfulYou · 28/01/2022 11:28

Firstly, you look how you look, you can’t drastically change that without surgery.
Your fiancé is marrying you so he must find you attractive enough.

Secondly, there are things that can make you feel slightly better about yourself.

  • get a tan
  • get your eyebrows shaped
  • get your hair dyed or just add a few streaks
  • go low carb - carbs hold on to water so by reducing them your face will look less puffy.
  • try different hairstyles at home - straight, curly, half up/half down etc
RaskolnikovsGarret · 28/01/2022 11:29

I think I’m one of the few people who thinks some brides and babies can be really quite unattractive. They’re definitely not automatically all beautiful. But it doesn’t stop me liking them or of course being nice to them. Ultimately so what?

Woodandsky · 28/01/2022 11:30

@Caramelvanillafudge

So sorry you haven't had the response you were hoping for here. I know sometimes when I'm struggling with something I just want to vent and have people sympathise but it's human nature for people to try to help if they can.

Perhaps accepting that it's happening, you're wearing the dress and you won't magically look like a fairy princess but you will maybe look a bit nicer than you normally do is the way to go. Hold your head high, wear your makeup and hair in a way that feels comfortable and enjoy the fact that you're marrying your lovely partner and sod the rest of it.

If the photos aren't great just put them away somewhere.

sillysmiles · 28/01/2022 11:30

When said plain, unremarkable woman tries to dress up, she looks like a twat, and vents on MN.
Ok i think i get you now and I'm no longer worried you. Have a brilliant day and just enjoy the food and booze and friends.

Wagsandclaws · 28/01/2022 11:31

Gosh, all the posters on here are in the main well meaning.

I think OP you just want to have a moan at how nothing will make a difference as to how you will look not even a new make up look.

I think thats fair enough, I won't say anything that you could do in the short amount of time you have left ( even though if you were motivated to you would ) as there is no point.

You just want to have a rant about it and that's fine. The thing you could consider is to maybe change what you are wearing 🤷‍♀️ it's up to you but I'm sure you'll have a nice day regardless of how you look, just avoid the wedding photos afterwards.

Congrats on your impending nuptials Grin

Flickflak · 28/01/2022 11:31

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

RaskolnikovsGarret · 28/01/2022 11:32

OP is NOT attention-seeking or cruel. She’s just venting. Lots of people do. It’s not a crime. OP, just ignore any annoying comments or the whole thread if it’s not helpful. You’ve made it quite clear what the object of the thread is. And it’s just Mumsnet speaking, not important in the scheme of things.

LadyRoughDiamond · 28/01/2022 11:37

If you can afford £2-300, buy a couple of Saxenda injection pens. You’ll feel a bit ropey for the first few days, but the weight will drop off. Everything else is fixable through friends and professionals - you just need a bit of inspiration. You’ve got this x

magicstar1 · 28/01/2022 11:39

I have an inkling of how you're feeling OP. I'm extremely overweight, and got married a few years ago. I got a dress made as I couldn't face going to shops, and thankfully she did what I wanted and the dress was lovely. It was also the first dress I'd worn since I was a child and I thought I'd feel like a fool. I also have never worn makeup.

My mother kept talking to me about diets and how I'd have lost weight by the wedding, until one day I broke out in hives literally in front of her as she was speaking, and she realised how stressed it was making me.

I tried some make up and like you, felt ridiculous. But I had a trial with a wonderful lady from MAC, and her makeup was amazing. She made me look like a lovely, fresh faced, better version of myself. The hairdresser also did what I wanted.
I was dreading everyone looking at me on the day, along with the video and photos, but I made a conscious decision to just smile and not worry. Now when I look back, I see a happy woman, who looked really well and had a great day. I hope you can haave the same.

Continentalmama · 28/01/2022 11:40

I totally get what you're saying, I think many women have been there, I thought the gorgeous white dress would make me look 10 pounds lighter...it didn't, the hair would slim my face...it didn't and the makeup would make me 'insta influencer' pretty...it didn't. We did manage to get some lovely photos which I look back on and love more every year that passes, but didn't love so much at the time as I thought the professional photographer and all his touching up tricks would make me look how I wanted to in my head (way overly ambitious) ...he didn't.
Regardless, it was a great party, we have great memories and I wouldn't change it but neither would I do the big wedding again.

Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 11:46

LOL that people think I’m ‘stamping my feet.’

I think many posters started as well meaning but as the thread has progressed we inevitably got on to ‘you need therapy’ and I do think when someone has politely refuted this, continuing to say ‘gently’ that they do thoroughly deserves a sharp response.

Many have understood what I’m saying, which I am grateful for.

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 28/01/2022 11:48

@Caramelvanillafudge

LOL that people think I’m ‘stamping my feet.’

I think many posters started as well meaning but as the thread has progressed we inevitably got on to ‘you need therapy’ and I do think when someone has politely refuted this, continuing to say ‘gently’ that they do thoroughly deserves a sharp response.

Many have understood what I’m saying, which I am grateful for.

You weren't especially polite to me, as it happens. But, as you said, 'crack on'!
Christmas1988 · 28/01/2022 11:49

Are you actually over weight or one of these people who are actually a size 10 and think they are massive? . My hair looked crap on my wedding day, I still enjoyed the day. Have a hair and make up redo, see what you look like after the redo, if you don’t like what you see tell them so they can try something different, that’s the point of a trial.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 28/01/2022 11:51

You dont eat a lot of carbs... but sweet stuff is what you eat?

Um... sugar is a carb. If you're eating a lot of sweet stuff then you're eating a lot of carbs.

Eat what you like, life shouldn't be full of miserable food. But you should at least understand what you're eating. You are not "low carb". You do eat a lot of carbs.

Just FYI.

Phrowzunn · 28/01/2022 11:53

Oh OP you are not going to look rubbish, you are going to look like YOU which is exactly who your friends, family and fiancé want to see! I worked as a wedding planner for years and honestly, the amount of Brides I saw who walked down the aisle on their wedding day looking like entirely different people was insane. Full contour, big fake eyelashes, massive hair, lost loads of weight - it’s bizarre! I don’t know why you’d want to look like a completely different person on your wedding day and thus in your wedding photos forevermore. It was quite common for the Bride’s kids (those who had obviously) to cry and pull away upon seeing their mother dolled up to the nines in a massive fancy dress as they were totally overwhelmed by how different she looked (which always made for a fun walk down the aisle…) Just be comfortable, you will look beautiful to your fiancé and your guests because you ARE beautiful to your fiancé and your guests. Why should you have to look different to how you normally look? Presumably it’s the normal you your fiancé asked to marry! Have a wonderful day and honestly you will enjoy it more if you don’t expect the day to have some super-human quality, it’s just a normal, happy day with normal, happy people. My kind of perfect!

MenoMom · 28/01/2022 11:55

I totally get you - i have a round face and glasses which shrink my eyes, and i've added a covid stone to my menopause stone.

Things that might help are to put your hair up, my 'up-dos' tend to be messy with a hair clip but i think it balances out my face. Flowing hair can be hard to pull off if not willowy, and you hair will still look fantastic if it's up, or half up and down.

Maybe dress down your wedding dress a bit, so you feel less like you're playing dress up - something simple like a cropped cardigan or a bolero could make you feel more like you.

Try a few make-up looks in department store beauty sections - or even a Boots. Go when it's quiet and tell the consultant that you want to try new, subtle looks, so you can get an idea of whats possible. Blusher is also a mystery to me - my roundy cheeks are naturally pink anyway and i'd be worried that any attemot to contour my face would rub off weirdly and i'd look mishapen.
But you could get ideas for different eye make ups to make you happier with how they look, and maybe try different lipstick shades too.

And unless you won't fit into your dress i really wouldn't bother with a crash diet - you're under enough stress already and you'd have to get the dress altered.

Photos can be a pain - have a selfie session and see what angles you prefer - slightly sideways face but looking at the camera etc. And ask your photographer for advice - you only need a couple of decent ones really for your/his parents and you to frame. Your can use your husband for camoflage, have photos with you looking up if he's taller etc. Don't order prints of any you don't like, and try not to worry about how you look in photos taken by friends and family, sure they'll more than likely stay on their phones and never be looked at again.

And finally, and i know you're sick of hearing it, every bride looks lovely on her wedding day in the eyes of the people who love her, so thats your husband to be, your family and friends, and really should be you too!
Have a great day!

me4real · 28/01/2022 11:56

That’s why I couldn’t feed back to her, there was nothing wrong with what she did, if it was someone else else’s face!

@Caramelvanillafudge A decent makeup artist in theory wouldn't do this- they'd work with the person in front of them and what'd help their face be more conventionally attractive, rather than doing the same thing to everyone. Please don't use that makeup artist again, try a different one. If you don't like blush then tell them before they start, as well as any other effects you do or don't want.

Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 11:59

I tend to stop being polite when people refuse to listen to ‘polite’ responses, @IntermittentParps

If someone says ‘no thanks, not for me’ accept it. Then there won’t be a problem. Unfortunately, some people never accept ‘no.’

@Itsalmostanaccessory I don’t want diet advice thanks.

I am about 2 stone overweight @Christmas1988

OP posts:
Itsalmostanaccessory · 28/01/2022 12:02

@Caramelvanillafudge

Good, because I didnt give you diet advise. A bunch of people did though and your response was, "I dont eat a lot of carbs, I eat sweet stuff."

So, you onviously dont realise that "sweet stuff" is a carb.

As I said, eat whatever you like. But you should at least KNOW what you're eating.

theemmadilemma · 28/01/2022 12:02

OP in relation to hair and make up. I did the exact same. Booked hair and make up like you do. Tried the 'standard' and felt like a complete twat. lol

I ended up keeping both, but having my hair done extra nicely by the hairdresser similar to how I usually wore it, and the make up was really just having a great base that would stand up all day. The rest was very low key and my normal no eyeshadow no lipstick look.

Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 12:05

Please stop @Itsalmostanaccessory Hmm

I am not going to talk about fucking diets - diets intended in the literal ‘what I eat’ sense.

OP posts:
Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 12:07

I probably will have my hair look similar to as normal.

OP posts: