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Original poster

I’m going to look horrible on my own wedding day

271 replies

Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 07:24

Arghhh, I’m an idiot.

I am getting married next month. I’ve put on a bit of weight and thought I could lose it in time but it hasn’t happened. I do look fat: there’s no way I can avoid that.

I’ve never been brilliant at putting on makeup and I only wear foundation and mascara. I just don’t suit lipstick or eye shadow or blusher. Stupidly, I thought I’d get someone to do my hair and makeup. And I had a trial run yesterday and it looked RIDICULOUS! The hair style made me look even fatter and I looked like JK Rowling’s description of Dolores Umbridge. The makeup just made me look stupid. There was nothing wrong with how she did it, it just looked silly on me.

I know I could just do my own hair and makeup but then I’ve messed everyone around and spent money I don’t have.

I just want to get married in jeans and a cardigan in a registry office Sad

OP posts:
Itsalmostanaccessory · 28/01/2022 12:08

This reply has been deleted

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ChickenStripper · 28/01/2022 12:10

Wow @Caramelvanillafudge. This is a fairly hideous thread. I can't believe that you are happy normally as there is so much ugliness and hate for yourself and others who are trying to help.

Original poster
Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 12:12

I have not been ‘hideous’ at all, don’t be ridiculous. I said one thing sharply because my ‘no’ was ignored.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Clothing General style & beauty
Whatkatyforgottodo · 28/01/2022 12:13

I had my make up done and felt the same as you, it was just not me and I also don’t like the photos (some are ok). I think it was the eye shadow that just looked really 80’s! I would do your own make up but maybe get your hair done? I did have false eyelashes put on (just the corners) that opened my eyes up? Hope that helps?

flashy44 · 28/01/2022 12:13

OK we get it ,you do not want advice or listen to solutions about how you could feel better about yourself.

Original poster
Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 12:13

Perhaps my revolting face matches my hideous soul, @Itsalmostanaccessory Grin

Or, more likely, I am talking about my feelings.

MN is not an advice site, it’s support. Support is not telling people bossily over and over they need therapy.

OP posts:
Itsalmostanaccessory · 28/01/2022 12:13

Yes, you have. About yourself and towards people trying to help you see the bright side and come up with ideas yo make you feel more confident.

When you're completely defeatist and are only going to be rude to people who try to help, then what's the point in posting?

Original poster
Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 12:14

I’ll have a think. Either way, I’m not going to look as I look. Despite the angry responses, that’s really the only thing I posted to say!

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 28/01/2022 12:14

If I were you I wouldn’t eat a single carb between now and my wedding day. Because it would definitely definitely help with weight and bloating and why wouldn’t I do something that can definitely help and probably make a massive difference?

ChickenStripper · 28/01/2022 12:16

I would say that as this thread is obviously winding you up you ask for it to be removed as more and more people will jump on and say how to lose weight etc. The fact that you see yourself as sharp once is telling.

NewYearNewMinty · 28/01/2022 12:17

To be fair, the OP hasn't asked for advice...and seems to just be needing to let off steam.

It's disappointing and frustrating when you're expecting a particular outcome and end up getting something different.

I think it's also worth bearing in mind that most of the wedding related photos we see are of skinny models in their early 20s, and if you're a middle aged, somewhat overweight woman (as am I!) then your are never going to look like that expectation...and that's absolutely fine!

I think @Phrowzunn's post is lovely. Clearly you are an attractive person as otherwise you wouldn't have a lovely fiance wanting to marry you.

Don't worry about dieting and all the rest of it. Just do whatever you feel you need to do to be as comfortable and happy as possible on your big day, and have a wonderful time...congratulations Flowers

Comedycook · 28/01/2022 12:17

Does your husband to be know how you feel op? If so, what does he say?

Original poster
Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 12:18

Why would I tell him?

I’m sure he knows what I look like! Grin

Telling him would just put a blight on his day.

OP posts:
IlCommissarioMontalbano · 28/01/2022 12:18

I'm with you on this, just get through the day as best you can and try and change into something more comfortable asap.I am horrendously self conscious if I have to come out of my comfort zone, my own wedding was a registry office wearing a suit I bought from a charity shop, there was no way I would wear a dress /have a church wedding etc. and especially after we'd lived together 6 years (my dream was to get married in jumper and jeans on the sly but in-laws wanted to come etc. My own mum would've been cool with this) Hope the day goes as smoothly as it can for you.

StormTreader · 28/01/2022 12:19

OP I totally understand the feeling of "this would be a lovely dress and makeup...on someone else".

Something that's helped me a bit in situations like this is to try and approach it like you're cosplaying a gorgeous character - no-one expects a fan who's cosplaying as Wonder Woman to be in the same incredible shape as her, but you've got the clothes, the accessories, the makeup, the set dressing and if you bring the attitude and confidence as well of the beautiful bride you're cosplaying you might find it fits you better than you expected :)

UnconditionalSurrender · 28/01/2022 12:19

I look ok in real life but take a dreadful photograph, its a thing-so my advice just don't look at any photos of your wedding if you don't want to. Imagine its 1722 and there's no cameras.
Only makeup tip is some mascara and defined eyebrows and you're generally good to go.
My friend got her makeup done for her wedding and we had to wash it off when she came back to the house as it looked fucking ludicrous even though it was quite subtle. A face of makeup doesn't suit everyone. Also what looks good in a photo often looks awful in real life.

LightTripper · 28/01/2022 12:19

I never got married, so I don't have a very good perspective to advise from, but on the other hand I am a person who has good hair (and actually OK body - woop) but an objectively unattractive face and it just is what it is. It is horrible to be told you look pretty or whatever when you absolutely know you do not. "Happy" fine, "in good form" yay, "well" - yes thank you. Maybe even "radiant" on a wedding day (though I'm pretty confident I've never actually looked radiant!). "Beautiful" or "pretty" or "gorgeous" no no no.

Most of the time it doesn't bother me AT ALL. But I can imagine that if I got married I would be very stressed about it, just because of all the focus on the bride and the need for everyone to say how amazing you look. All that stuff about how beautiful the bride is has always made me uncomfortable even when I wasn't the bride - thinking about actually being the bride makes me feel slightly sick.

A couple of thoughts:

  • Even though I'm sure you're basically right about your face, personally I have never found any reasonably clean/cared for human to look horrible or hideously ugly. We just look like different varieties of human. I tend to notice that people are very attractive or just to not notice what they look like, and I think most people are not going around thinking "oh she looks horrific".
  • People who care about you will think you look beautiful regardless, they aren't lying. Objectively my daughter has inherited quite a lot of my facial features. I still find her absolutely heart-stoppingly beautiful (as well as funny, lovely, etc.). I can't quite square it in my brain but there it is. Maybe look at some pictures of yourself as a child (or, if your child looks a bit like you, at pictures of them) and remember that this is the warmth and kindness that others will be looking at you with on the day, because they are by definition people who love and care about you (and if anybody is coming who is not in that category then ignore them).
  • Finally, if I did for some horrible reason have to get married and do the dress and the ceremony and everything, all I can think is that I would try to aim at being as physically comfortable as I possibly could. So doing enough re: dress etc. that other people didn't feel uncomfortable, but no more. Make sure shoes are comfy, dress not too tight or scratchy, make-up not too thick, hair "feels" like however you normally have it (e.g. not an up-do if you normally don't even like a pony tail).
  • Like you I've had a couple of absolutely horrific professional make up experiences but I have also had one better one. The better one was actually good and did help me to be able to wear make up for a few years in my late 20s/early 30s without feeling like a complete dick. It might be worth trying one more make up artist and just really laying it out for them that you want minimal/minimal and the things that you absolutely can't tolerate, and the things that might be doable (maybe one who will give a tutorial?) If you can't stand certain textures or think certain things like blusher just look silly on you (it does on me) then just say and see if they can just give you some ideas e.g. just for eye make-up - or whatever you think you could tolerate without feeling like a tit. I don't wear make up any more, but when I was younger I used to occasionally, and although I always thought it looked terrible in real life, it did sometimes help for photos (especially after the decent tutorial).
But I also appreciate this may be a painful experience - in which case I'd just do whatever you would do if you were going out for a nice dinner somewhere a bit fancy (including nothing, if you would do nothing!)

Anyway, there is a bunch of advice from somebody who knows nothing and is never getting married for you Grin - I really just wanted to write to let you know I'm sure there are plenty of us out here who feel your pain and don't think you are stamping your feet or some hideously depressed hermit!

Comedycook · 28/01/2022 12:20

@Caramelvanillafudge

Why would I tell him?

I’m sure he knows what I look like! Grin

Telling him would just put a blight on his day.

Why would you tell him? Because he's your partner and don't we share our feelings with them?

He wants to marry you so I presume he finds you attractive

Leonthelobster · 28/01/2022 12:21

Some of us just don’t do getting dressed up. I totally get it. I’m small, look like a benign hobbit and am chunkier than I should be. I look and feel like a complete twerp in a pretty dress, heels and fancy hair. I live in jeans, dungarees, trainers and have choppy, messy hair. I feel totally un-me and like I’m wearing someone else’s clothes if I have to dress up.

I know it’s sunk costs but could you not wear the dress? The main thing is you feel comfortable and like yourself. If that means totally rethinking what you wear I reckon you should do it. I’d also do your own makeup how you usually do it and ditch the make up person.

Original poster
Caramelvanillafudge · 28/01/2022 12:21

It’s not winding me up particularly @ChickenStripper and I am quite happy for it to stay, but thanks for your ’thoughtfulness ’ Hmm

OP posts:
georgarina · 28/01/2022 12:22

It's up to you if you do or don't, but honestly starting a healthy diet from today would make you feel SO much better. And results start quickly - especially in the face.

I've been there so I know, but I did eventually decide to change, and felt so much better.

Gazelda · 28/01/2022 12:22

OP, I sympathise.

I married a few years ago and despite wearing a beautiful frock, having my hair done and spending time doing make up, I still looked like a lump in lace. My underwear didn't fit well, my hair was in an unflattering style, my make up wore off, the dress showed off my back fat.

I look at photos now and see all of the faults in my appearance. And I know our wedding guests saw all of those faults too.

I also see the laughter and happiness of the day. How my husband looked at me with pride. How the earrings my MIL gave me sparkled. How the fabulous shoes were remarkably comfy enough to dance in all night.

I hope you enjoy your wedding day and that you are able to look back on it with fondness for all the positives, despite how you may feel you appear.

MaryBeardsShoes · 28/01/2022 12:23

I get you OP. I am getting married in August and my dress is gorgeous but I look like a pig in a wig (except that sounds kinda cute).

It's something I've decided to try to accept and not worry about, but I do feel sad when I'm not vigilant about it. I'm excited for the whole day etc. etc. so I'm focussing on those things.

ChickenStripper · 28/01/2022 12:23

@Caramelvanillafudge

It’s not winding me up particularly *@ChickenStripper* and I am quite happy for it to stay, but thanks for your ’thoughtfulness ’ Hmm
Yet again you lash out at someone? I feel sorry for you.
ClariceQuiff · 28/01/2022 12:23

I was never going to look beautiful on my wedding day (or any other day) but I found a dress that flattered me and took my time over doing my own make-up and hair, and I looked the best that was possible for me.

That was more than 15 years ago and when I look back what strikes me about my appearance is how young and fresh my skin looks - I couldn't see that at the time, but now I'm used to looking at older, wrinklier me, my skin seems to look amazing.

Primarily I look happy - I'm beaming on my photos - and my family are all around me, including people now no longer with us, so the photos are very special.

Find a flattering dress, OP - it doesn't have to be white or cost the earth - and take your time over doing your own hair and make-up.

You're not enormously overweight at 2st over your ideal weight, and the right dress will disguise any lumps and bumps and flatter your best features.

I'm not going to tell you you'll look beautiful - some of us just never will, and that's the way life is - but you can look your very best.