Mumsnet Village Hall - committee members and volunteers needed

[FavouriteMug]

I've got the keys and we've got the entire building to ourselves. There's a kitchenette with a large enough fridge for Gin (maybe milk if absolutely necessary).

I need committee members and volunteers to organise a packed social calendar.

On the agenda for first meeting:

The Mumsnet Play - we need to agree on the script and then we can start casting

Life Drawing Class - we need a subject and smocks of course

Cake and Gin night - cant decide which night but I think gin should be funded from play proceeds.

Hot Desk Space - those of us who work from home can come together once a week and pretend to be busy and important.

Excercise Class - but what? We don't actually need to turn up but it should at least appear on the calendar.

Book Club - I can't be arsed so someone else will need to volunteer for this.

So, whose in and what can you contribute?

I vote barre for the exercise class.

Can we add some political activism? Maybe some form of crochet?

Put my name down.

I'll offer T'ai Chi classes weekly on Wednesday mornings

A stitch and bitch session? Crafts for making suffragette protest banners/ stickers/ badges?

I'll sign up to bake once in a while.

Crocheted activism of any kind sounds perfect but I vote to keep the exercise class as my pelvic floor has gone to absolute shite.

Oxalis - we need lots of bakers because there needs to be a healthy dose of competition and resentment between members and experience tells me cake baking is incredibly effective at achieving this. Thank you.

Can I start another Pilates class at the church hall down the road? That way, we can be rivals and start a load of drama about which class to support and why. The village Facebook group will be full of gossiping and fake news about my class just because everyone's jealous.

I'll volunteer to run the book club!

I’ll run a dog training class and not always clear up properly so someone else can put up passive aggressive notices about leaving the hall as you’ve found it

Ooh let’s do Parent and Toddler on a Tuesday morning. We can kick off if a MAN tries to come, because even though we call it ‘Parent’ and Toddler, we obviously mean mums.

Sorry Tennisnet, the hall down the road has just burnt down (did they not tell you?).

Personally, I suspect OxalisRed but never mind, I have a Thursday evening slot free?

For everyone else I'm still looking for play and book club suggestions.

Sorry Tennisnet, the hall down the road has just burnt down (did they not tell you?).

You deliberately burned it down because you couldn't stand the thought of me running a rival class there. I'm disgusted. YABU.

Ah you never saw those matches or jerry cans of fuel in my hands! Can't prove nuffink.

I'll just sit and nod, maybe vote occasionally and moan about the selection of biscuits.

I forgot to mention Crap Craft Club, we need some truly fucking terrible craft projects to display in the local Post Office Window.

Please make sure all the important meetings are child-free and held at the hall in person on a Thursday at 10:30 so nobody under retirement age who works/doesn't work and has small children can make it. If they move to Zoom/Teams make sure the person with the worst technology is running them.

I could organise a whist drive if I have to.
But what is the age group? Whist is an older persons' activity on the whole. Would there be enough people wanting to play?

The play needs a debate between the purists who want to do Chekov and the populists who want Grease. This might be resolved by a summer and winter production but there wil be a lot of seething.

I have a query re book club.

Is it a book club that is actually about the book or is it the type where you meet up to drink wine and chat which may include a brief synopsis of the book?

If it's the latter I'm happy to be Dinosauraddicts deputy

Can we have a cutthroat fruit and vegetable growing club and have an annual show with a judge in a white coat? Categories to include most phallic root vegetable, most outrageous gourd and maybe a highly competitive jam making round.

@Dinosauraddict

I'll volunteer to run the book club!

Brilliant!!

Suggestions for first book please. Can it be poncy and pretentious?

Thanks x

Sorry I think I disappeared into MidSomer then

@oxalisRed Count me in to the stitch and bitch. I can spare a load of yarn from my stash but I'm short on the good gossip. To make up for that, I'll bring chocolate digestives.

Can I volunteer to be caretaker? I'm useless at DIY but I have a whole host of reasons as to why whatever it is you want done (a) isn't possible at all, (b) isn't possible by the deadline you've asked for or (c) is possible but will cost £££££££££££££.

Oh yes, and I expect a bottle of scotch from the Hall Committee each Christmas.

@DerAlteMann Are you strict about how the chairs are stacked?

If there's enough demand I can hold beginners pole dancing classes on Wednesday mornings

Ahh sounds lovely, I'll come to barre class if it's on a Saturday morning.

If we have to apply for any local small charity grants I don't mind doing it as I do it for my DMs community yoga class sometimes. I'll also bring a nice Victoria sponge to gin and cake night - no cupcakes though as I am rubbish at icing.