Mumsnet Village Hall - committee members and volunteers needed

[FavouriteMug]

I've got the keys and we've got the entire building to ourselves. There's a kitchenette with a large enough fridge for Gin (maybe milk if absolutely necessary).

I need committee members and volunteers to organise a packed social calendar.

On the agenda for first meeting:

The Mumsnet Play - we need to agree on the script and then we can start casting

Life Drawing Class - we need a subject and smocks of course

Cake and Gin night - cant decide which night but I think gin should be funded from play proceeds.

Hot Desk Space - those of us who work from home can come together once a week and pretend to be busy and important.

Excercise Class - but what? We don't actually need to turn up but it should at least appear on the calendar.

Book Club - I can't be arsed so someone else will need to volunteer for this.

So, whose in and what can you contribute?

@WaxingGibbon

If there's enough demand I can hold beginners pole dancing classes on Wednesday mornings

@WaxingGibbon, but @DPotter has already announced a T'ai Chi class on Wednesday mornings. Surely then you'll have a timetable clash? I think it's particularly unfair given that someone's already burned down the alternative hall where I very kindly offered to teach Pilates.

I would also like to be in charge of passive aggressive notices/instruction posters - perhaps we could do that by committee? I have been studying church/village/community hall instruction notices for years in preparation for this.

I know exactly when to use bold, italics, underline etc to get your point across about NOT using the BLUE TEAPOT near the OVEN or THE OVEN IS NOT AVAILABLE FOR USE AFTER 2pm or THE LEFT HAND DOOR IS DELICATE, you are liable for damage.

Can we have Jason Mamoa for the life class? I understand he's free now 😘

The job is yours. I'm already pissed off that Book Club has started to use mugs from a cupboard clearly labelled for Am Dram. How sodding difficult can it be????

Erm, excuse me? Has this been decided by committee? You can't just go giving people jobs just like that. I'm disgusted by the nepotism and I'm going to write a huge rant about it on the Facebook page.

I’d like to hold a Poetry and Prosecco club on Tuesday evenings if they are free.

Hic.

I can run the menopause support group providing the caretaker disabled the heating the day before.Happy to affiliate with the gin and cake group.

Oh yay, I’m a community worker to trade, I’ll offer to get my hands dirty by helping the committee and groups if you all need anything. I’ll be in the office every Tuesday, and if the baking group can leave me a scone I’ll be incredibly grateful.

Please let me do the drama.club. I will direct....there is to be no Grsase or ant such frivolity....no....plays will be taken very seriously. First up will be The Importance of Being Earnest- which I will struggle to cast. So Mr Peters the 58 year old lpcal farmer will have to play Earnest. And there is some controversy when I try to cast a young man from a neighbouring village as Algernon.

@rjnomore1 what about the community larder. Is that your responsibility too?

Baking club meet after the slimming world meet and arrive fifteen minutes early to quietly set up cakes at the back please

If I don't get selected to type notices then I can operate a diary system for bookings. Probably best if we don't have Weight Watchers and Slimming World on the same day....and definitely not after a cake sale.

Has anyone READ THE STANDING ORDERS ???

Is there a piano? The community choir needs a new rehearsal venue after the local primary school kicked us out for breaking the barrier on the car park.

Can’t believe nobody has suggested a yoga class yet.

I'll be in the play! No singing though.

What about Brown Owl, will she start up the Brownie group again. Not sire if she's allowed after the Brownie visit to the zoo and the incident with Milie and the Lemurs.

My mistake @Tennisnet. Of course @DPotter can take the Weds morning slot. Perhaps I could move pole dancing to Thursday lunchtimes, in fact might be better as that would be just before brass rubbing in the church rooms.

@Mumdiva99

Please let me do the drama.club. I will direct....there is to be no Grsase or ant such frivolity....no....plays will be taken very seriously. First up will be The Importance of Being Earnest- which I will struggle to cast. So Mr Peters the 58 year old lpcal farmer will have to play Earnest. And there is some controversy when I try to cast a young man from a neighbouring village as Algernon.

Can I audition for Lady Bracknell? I'm naturally large of bosom and good at lines.

"Never speak disrespectfully of Society Algernon. Only people who can't get into it do that".

See? Nailed it!!!

I’ll help organise the Knit and Natter but if I hear anyone refer to it as a Stitch and Bitch I’m walking

@SimonedeBeauvoirscat

Can’t believe nobody has suggested a yoga class yet.

Too high a risk of queefing I'm afraid.

I'll organise a country dancing evening. Please organise your partners in advance as we all know what happened last year with Beryl.

Of course @FavouriteMug - but I hope you have though long and hard over how to deliver 'a handbag' - I will take the part of Gwendoline myself despite being far too old...but who are we to let truth get in the way of a production.

Sounds great!
Can I bring my old chipped tea stained mugs?
I will take home the tea towels to wash when they smell like a dog that's rolled in fox shit.

I’ll also sort out the smell. That weird mixture that public buildings have of detol, sweat, urine, boiled cabbage, mildew and disappointment.

I'm up for the pole dancing group, but only if there are blinds at the windows and the heating's on full