@mrkramps
‘If it's an absolute no no as you say - is it grounds for SS to get involved?’
If a Social Worker (SW) is already involved with the family, they should be keeping a close eye on the relationship with the BF, advising OP to establish healthy boundaries, etc. It’s unlikely that a SW is currently still allocated to the family (if they ever were), but OP can confirm that if she wishes. OP said she completed the Freedom Programme, so is likely to have had contact with SS previously, but this is not always the case as any agency can make a referral re. the Freedom Programme.
Unfortunately, most people innocently allow people they do not know well enough to spend time alone with their children (this includes adults and other children but that’s going off topic slightly). In these incredibly common everyday scenarios, SS would not necessarily get involved unless they are alerted to it and there are clear and obvious concerns. But, someone has to inform SS, otherwise SS are usually none the wiser. One of the main multi agencies, e.g., Midwives, Health Visitors, GP’s, Therapists (Health), schools, Police, etc usually inform SS re. concerns. Family members, neighbours or concerned strangers in the street also report concerns to SS. In many cases concerns are not reported. If they are, sometimes info is not passed on in a timely manner and/or correctly and unfortunately some children slip through the net. Government cuts inevitably lead to workload burnout, lack of staff and one too many negative outcomes for children.
I’m concerned that OP is concerned enough to post here to ask the question about her BF spending time alone bonding with her DD.
OP refusing to respond to questions re. whether she has sought a Clare’s Law/Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme/Sarah’s Law disclosure is another red flag, esp. given OP’s history.
I may be jaded due to my personal life experiences and my job, but this is my opinion. Many other PP that not work in this area also think this way, and I assume for good reason.
I agree that OP does not have to get married if she does not want to. BF may present as great, but 18 months is usually not long enough to really know someone. There needs to be more time and commitment in the relationship before the DD and BF naturally spend alone bonding time together. DD is too young for this to happen at this stage of the OP’s
relationship with a BF.
Do they have plans to live together? There are so many questions that have been unanswered.
It does appear rushed. OP understandably has concerns about her DD having to spend time with her Father soon. I expect that this has a lot to do with planning bonding time between the BF and her DD.
I agree with OP’s concern and reluctance re. her DD having to spend time with an abusive parent, but that’s a legal issue/problem.
Some of us are lucky to have abusive ex’s that do not bother going down the legal route in order to gain access to children, but that is again slightly off topic.