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Original poster

Is it ok for bf of 1.5 years to spend time with my dd without me?

205 replies

Iwannascreammerrychristmas8 · 30/12/2021 10:52

We have been together for 1.5 years. My daughter is 5 and a half and they get on really well. They always messing around. I was thinking it would be nice if he took her to the park without me to bond a little. So far everything we have done has been together. We don’t live together.

Would that be a good or bad idea?

OP posts:
LiloandTwitch · 30/12/2021 10:54

She's 5.

Why does she need to bond alone with a grown man you are romantically involved with, after only 18 months?

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 30/12/2021 10:54

If your dd wants to why not? I still remember when my now dh took my 3 to the park and sent me photos. Still have the pics and it was over 8 years ago!

madisonbridges · 30/12/2021 10:54

What are your worries about them being alone together?

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pollyparrot45 · 30/12/2021 10:55

Weird.

It's your daughter not his. If he needs to look after her as part of his domestic role whilst living with you and sharing a life then fine but he's not a babysitter.

He's your boyfriend not her dad. You don't live together. He should only be seeing her as an extension of spending time with you. You're not a family yet.

LiloandTwitch · 30/12/2021 10:55

Has he suggested this? 🚩

pollyparrot45 · 30/12/2021 10:56

Also, would you want her being left alone with her Dads new girlfriend that he hasn't even committed to living with yet?

I'd suggest likely not

madisonbridges · 30/12/2021 10:56

@LiloandTwitch

She's 5.

Why does she need to bond alone with a grown man you are romantically involved with, after only 18 months?

18 months is quite a long time. Especially for a 5yo. If they're thinking of moving the relationship on, wouldn't it be nice if they were bonded?
MyDcAreMarvel · 30/12/2021 10:56

Yes it’s a lovely idea. @LiloandTwitch because he is a significant figure in her life, a potential step father. 18 months is a very long time in a five year olds life. She literally won’t remember life before him.

RussianSpy101 · 30/12/2021 10:57

I wouldn’t. He can’t of known her that long so I don’t know why he would need to be alone with her.
Massive red flag is this has come from him.

RussianSpy101 · 30/12/2021 10:57

@MyDcAreMarvel he hasn’t been in her life 18months. The OP has only been with him 18 months.

PicaK · 30/12/2021 10:58

I'd think more on the lines of not letting her form her own relationship with him until he's shown he's in it for the long haul ie has moved in, got engaged etc.
1:1 time not appropriate until then for her.

DrWankincense · 30/12/2021 10:59

I think if you need to ask then no.

LiloandTwitch · 30/12/2021 11:00

@MyDcAreMarvel

Yes it’s a lovely idea. *@LiloandTwitch* because he is a significant figure in her life, a potential step father. 18 months is a very long time in a five year olds life. She literally won’t remember life before him.
They've been together 18 months. I assume the OP didn't introduce him the day they met...

At 18 months if only just be introducing them now.

Poppins2016 · 30/12/2021 11:01

What is it that's driving your need to ask? Is it your gut instinct (in which case, the answer is "it's not OK") or is it the fear of what other people will think (in which case, why are you worried)?

In your shoes I'd allow outings on their own to happen naturally if I (and the child involved) felt comfortable, but I wouldn't see the need to engineer it. It would probably start with something like popping out for ten minutes to run an errand and evolve from there, for example.

Lazypuppy · 30/12/2021 11:01

I think it sounds lovely, if relationship is going well he will eventually be in the step dad role anyway

shellylongbottom · 30/12/2021 11:04

It's fine. If you think there's any kind of furore between you two, it seems obvious

shellylongbottom · 30/12/2021 11:04

Future*

IrishMama2015 · 30/12/2021 11:09

I really really wouldn't. Non biologically related men are the number 1 SAers of kids. If he has asked for this or talked her into asking for this - that's a massive red flag. Your child does not need a one on one relationship with a man who is NOT her stepfather. Better to regret not sending her in years to come if he is still around and a great step dad than regret sending her out unprotected with a man who is still new to her life. Also you need to be careful what you are teaching her about relatively new adults in her life being in authoritive positions over her, ie in charge of her in the park. My nephew was rushed head long into bonding with my sisters boyfriend. Life changing/ shattering results

MissBattleaxe · 30/12/2021 11:10

Depends how serious he is about you. Don't let her get attached to someone who has no future plans with you. Has he talked about a future or moving in?

AdmiralCain · 30/12/2021 11:11

It sounds lovely, like he's really trying to connect and he see's a future for the three of you. I don't see one red flag here and I've dated people with kids although I have none myself.

Original poster
Iwannascreammerrychristmas8 · 30/12/2021 11:16

I’ve known him longer so we have all known each other 2 years really. We knew each other before getting together so my daughter has always been a part of it really.

He is a lovely man, they get on so so well. I was just wondering really if it was a step too far for me to say hey you want to take her to the park or something. There are no red flags, I’ve done the freedom programme in the past. He is a genuinely calm and nice person.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwannascreammerrychristmas8 · 30/12/2021 11:17

We all stay over his house once a week. I have no childcare really. He bought her unicorn bedding for his spare room when we stay. She has a whale of a time.

OP posts:
blubbabubba · 30/12/2021 11:18

I really really wouldn't. Non biologically related men are the number 1 SAers of kids. If he has asked for this or talked her into asking for this - that's a massive red flag. Your child does not need a one on one relationship with a man who is NOT her stepfather. Better to regret not sending her in years to come if he is still around and a great step dad than regret sending her out unprotected with a man who is still new to her life. Also you need to be careful what you are teaching her about relatively new adults in her life being in authoritive positions over her, ie in charge of her in the park. My nephew was rushed head long into bonding with my sisters boyfriend. Life changing/ shattering results

It's 1.5 years. Plus how can he ever be her stepfather without spending time together, that's even worse - marrying a man who has no relationship with your child. Asking is not a red flag unless they met a week ago. This meeting isn't even rushed, what's the issue with a day trip or some such?

CiderJolly · 30/12/2021 11:22

No, not necessary.

CiderJolly · 30/12/2021 11:24

She is only 5, far too vulnerable an age. The risk may be minuscule but it’s not a risk I’d take.