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Original poster

Is it ok for bf of 1.5 years to spend time with my dd without me?

205 replies

Iwannascreammerrychristmas8 · 30/12/2021 10:52

We have been together for 1.5 years. My daughter is 5 and a half and they get on really well. They always messing around. I was thinking it would be nice if he took her to the park without me to bond a little. So far everything we have done has been together. We don’t live together.

Would that be a good or bad idea?

OP posts:
Mamamamasaurus · 30/12/2021 11:26

Whose idea is this?

aimss4777 · 30/12/2021 11:29

I don't see a problem with it, you clearly know and have a good relationship with this man as does your daughter and him, go for it!! Lovely idea.

BleuJay · 30/12/2021 11:37

It’s only the park. He’s not inviting her down into the basement.

Of course it’s fine.

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Families
DinoDinner · 30/12/2021 11:51

Hey OP, as someone who has done the freedom programme I assume you've had some dodgy relationships in the past.

So well done on sense checking your next step.

May I ask have you had a Sarah's Law check on him? If you haven't, get it done immediately.

I advise anyone with kids who wants to introduce a new partner to get them checked out. I even checked out my ex's new partner. That opened a can of worms and I'm forever grateful I did. Her son was a sex offender.

Original poster
Iwannascreammerrychristmas8 · 30/12/2021 12:03

@DinoDinner my ex was abusive, hence me saying my daughter hasn’t seen her father for 2 years. I’ve done a lot of work on myself, well I had to after he made me have a nervous breakdown. My boyfriend is the absolute opposite, calm, very kind, very supportive a good man really.

OP posts:
Bonnealle · 30/12/2021 12:11

Sounds lovely. I think I’d let a friend of that many years take my child to the park, so don’t see a boyfriend being any different. I think it’s good for a girl to have a decent male role model.

FAQs · 30/12/2021 12:15

He has been in her life almost half her life if you trust him a trip to the park sounds fine.

tootiredtospeak · 30/12/2021 12:23

Does he live with you. I dont see any reason why not if you trust him you cannot label all men abusers. It's strange you need to ask though if there are any doubts then listen to them

Thelnebriati · 30/12/2021 12:57

I agree with DinoDinner, have you done any background checks on him? Safeguarding doesn't mean you are labelling all men abusers.

Qwertykeys · 30/12/2021 13:32

It sounds like a good idea , he’s obviously part of his life . I would maybe ask if he could take her while you did some house work , and maybe join them after a while. You would probably be able to see how they interact when you get to the park.

Arethechildreninbedyet · 30/12/2021 13:35

Of course you should. You’ve been together 18 months, it’s a serious relationship, she probably doesn’t remember life before him.

I imagine moving in together, marriage and possibly even siblings are in the future so I feel a trip to the park is a perfectly normal and appropriate thing to do.

I have a friend whose partner had adopted her child after two years. If you trust him, it’s perfectly acceptable.

NumberTheory · 30/12/2021 16:56

@PicaK

I'd think more on the lines of not letting her form her own relationship with him until he's shown he's in it for the long haul ie has moved in, got engaged etc. 1:1 time not appropriate until then for her.
Crazy to move in with or get engaged to someone when you have no idea how they do 1:1 with your child!
CJat10 · 30/12/2021 17:12

MN are incredibly focused on stifling single mother's relationships by insisting the DC and new partner don't meet for years in some cases. I read a post on here the other day which chided the single mum for prioritising her sex life over her children if she considered dating before they were 18.... nasty! Having a partner is not just about sex and brings many benefits to a family

I met my DH when DD was 7. He started sleeping over pretty quickly because it was a long distance relationship. (Her real father stopped having her overnight to try and stop me having free time so it forced the issue) DH has been the best thing to happen to me and her. He provides stability, support, practical support and is generous with time and care. The posts suggesting any man behaving in such a fatherly way needs 🚩 are really sad. Yes be conscious and listen to your inner voices, those of friends...etc but we do a huge disservice to suggest anyone trying to have a relationship with a single parent is a sexual predator

WhoWants2Know · 30/12/2021 17:23

I probably wouldn't, personally.

missbunnyrabbit · 30/12/2021 17:26

If it's you who suggested it, go for it!

Sally872 · 30/12/2021 17:29

It's great they are getting on but see no reason for them to bond alone. If I was step parent I would feel a bit taken advantage of.

If you really need a break and you completely trust him and there is nobody else fine.

If it is for step father daughter relationship I don't think it is needed.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/12/2021 17:33

I wouldn't personally. I'm a single mum and I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that.

Redwinestillfine · 30/12/2021 17:33

Why? He is your boyfriend. Not sure what the purpose of this bonding is. If it's because you see your life together then wait for that comitment. Time together is no indcator of comitment and you don't want them getting close if it's not going to work out.

liveforsummer · 30/12/2021 17:36

I don't think this is something you need to specifically arrange or suggest but in the circumstances if the situation came up, you clearly trust him so don't see any real issue.

Raaaaaaarr · 30/12/2021 17:37

So you haven't answered the question around whose idea this is?

elelel · 30/12/2021 17:37

I’ve known him longer so we have all known each other 2 years really. We knew each other before getting together so my daughter has always been a part of it really.

Since she was 3 years old? I'm sorry OP but she shouldn't have always been a part of it. I wouldn't be trying to force a bond between my 5 year old and a man simply because I was in a relationship with him. Keep the 2 separate. There is no need for this man to take your child anywhere.

liveforsummer · 30/12/2021 17:39

@Raaaaaaarr

So you haven't answered the question around whose idea this is?
She asked us if we feel it's a step to far for her to suggest it to him so clearly her idea
Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/12/2021 17:40

@elelel

I’ve known him longer so we have all known each other 2 years really. We knew each other before getting together so my daughter has always been a part of it really.

Since she was 3 years old? I'm sorry OP but she shouldn't have always been a part of it. I wouldn't be trying to force a bond between my 5 year old and a man simply because I was in a relationship with him. Keep the 2 separate. There is no need for this man to take your child anywhere.

This
Antsgomarching · 30/12/2021 17:41

I wouldn’t volunteer it as an idea no.

Raaaaaaarr · 30/12/2021 17:43

@liveforsummer thanks I missed that. Just felt it was an important aspect to understand and you have answered that. Thanks. My answer is personally no at this stage as it feels to soon still.

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