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Original poster

Ds (9) unhappy with his stocking - made me cry Christmas morning.

215 replies

cleocleo81 · 25/12/2021 08:34

I thought he might be but it was too late to do anything about it. I was really stuck for ideas as he didn't really have a Christmas list and I went shopping again late to get some more things.

He only liked a couple of items. The rest he turned his nose up at, i don't like that etc. Unfortunately although dd had the same number of presents hers were bigger so his stocking was half full in comparison. He was then quiet and stroppy. Saying his Ds had more as she was still unwrapping hers- they had the same amount but hers were bigger. The final price was a lot and I was trying to cut back. When I asked him what he didn't get that he would have liked he couldn't answer.

He's pretty ungrateful in general though and I am now worried about his under the tree presents as I think he will be the same. I try so hard in every day life to make him happy, to do nice things for him. He's never happy, nothing we do is good enough. His party wasn't in the right place and was too short, Harry Potter world was boring, his birthday cake was chocolate and he doesn't like chocolate cake, his birthday was boring as we only went to the cinema and I worked in the pm. Despite asking what he wanted to do and he said cinema. he always have a negative.

This morning I had to leave the room and he caught me crying. He's said sorry and come to see me twice so I think he knows he's upset me. I am just tired of his attitude. Everything is what he didn't get not what he has.

OP posts:
growinggreyer · 25/12/2021 08:38

It's a stressful day. Be kind to yourself, he didn't put all those expectations on Xmas himself. He was promised by teachers, TV etc that he would get his heart's desire. Sadly, that is not real life. Maybe remind him gently that some children are not as lucky as him and let him get on with enjoying his new stuff. Take the weight off both of you. It's just one day and some new bits.

Wigglegiggle0520 · 25/12/2021 08:38

No advice OP but solidarity.
I think it’s good he saw you upset and at least apologised.
I’ll be following to see if anyone has any good advice.
I hope you can put it behind you and still enjoy the day Flowers Wine

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 25/12/2021 08:39

I'm sorry that has happened to you I personally wouldn't be worrying about what he did want, as you say he can't be pleased, didn't write much of a list and has some things he does like. Hard as it is, I wouldn't give him the guilts either, just 'Oh right you don't like that, nevermind a charity shop would be thrilled to get it in a few days. Enjoy what you do like.' And I wouldn't be listening to any complaining either. On another day you can consider if he's getting a little spoiled/entitled and what you can do about it. Hope he bucks up and you all enjoy the day together.

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Elisheva · 25/12/2021 08:40

Children aren’t born with all of the skills they need for life, and this is something that he isn’t very good at. So you are going to need to teach him how to behave in these situations, including giving him some strategies to cope when things aren’t exactly as he wants them to be.
I admit that in this situation I would be really upset, and tempted to take everything off him. But it would be better to use it as a teaching opportunity.

3WildOnes · 25/12/2021 08:41

Oh that sounds really tough. Was there something specific that he asked for and he didn’t get? Or maybe he just finds opening presents overwhelming and acts out?
It does seem quite an unusual reaction to receiving presents. Is he very jealous of his sitter in general?

Tillsforthrills · 25/12/2021 08:43

Prepare for the teen years OP 💐

I absolutely understand.

EishetChayil · 25/12/2021 08:43

You don't just have to accept this behaviour. You can teach him how to be more grateful.

Namechangeforthis88 · 25/12/2021 08:44

Firstly, be kind to yourself, such expectations on one day! Mega stressful.

Not today, maybe another time, it might be worth looking at this book with him. www.amazon.co.uk/Filled-Bucket-Today-Bucketfilling-Books/dp/099609993X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=2QGP6MRRWVS95&keywords=bucket+of+happiness&sprefix=bucket+of+h%2Caps%2C258&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1640421622&sr=8-1

He might be a bit old for it. I used to read it regularly with DS. It's basically about being kind can make you happy.

GoodnightGrandma · 25/12/2021 08:45

If he’s always like this I’d let it go over your head, as you can’t win.
He will need a sit down chat before he becomes a teenager though !

HugeAckmansWife · 25/12/2021 08:46

Sorry to read this op. It can be should destroying when they are miseries like this. I wouldn't feel bad he knows you're upset. He's old enough to understand his actions affect other people. Get through today with jollying along or ignoring the moping and then sit with him and explain.. Use specific examples as you have here and ask him to fame out what he thinks should have happened differently.

Whattochoosenow · 25/12/2021 08:46

Mine went through a negative stage about this age. We made a point at dinner times to all day 3 good things that had happened that day. It helps them to try and look on the bright side instead of always wishing for something better.

Whattochoosenow · 25/12/2021 08:47

*say

HacerSonarSusPasos · 25/12/2021 08:47

Let him see you upset! He needs to see there are consequences to his entitled and ungrateful behaviour!

Namechangeforthis88 · 25/12/2021 08:50

Yep, I agree it's good that he has seen that you were upset. It might be a landmark moment for him. Sometimes children need to know that adults have strong emotions too.

For what it's worth, DS got himself in a state on Christmas Eve last year, totally overexcited, couldn't sleep, I thought he was going to ruin Christmas for himself with lack of sleep. He is old enough to know better! This year I was quite firm that things would be different. Again, not today, another time, if I were you I'd be discussing how to avoid a repeat performance.

madisonbridges · 25/12/2021 08:50

I'm not sure the answer to him being ungrateful is to just keep giving him more! There'd be fewer presents and parties.

bobsholi · 25/12/2021 08:51

My 8 year old DS was the same this year. He even took himself off to bed after present opening because he was so bored already Hmm He's actually a very sensitive kid and I think he's built up an idea in his head of what today would be like. Christmas seems to start in September and I think that by the actual day they're just overwhelmed by it all. It's so rubbish when they grow up, when he was a toddler he loved everything!

JoyOrbison · 25/12/2021 08:51

Ah I have a term asdively unimpressed with nearly every item.... They also got no sleep last night and I got less than 2 hours so I am massively biting my lip!!!

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 25/12/2021 08:51

I think it's also a reminder for us parents that 'things' don't make them happy and many children, including my own, get too many things and often they are forgotten promptly after receiving. You'll know if this is the case with your ds or if I've got it wrong. He also seems to have gone into this with an eye on his sister's stuff. Comparing and feeling jealous doesn't feel good. I made my same age dc part of choosing and giving gifts to those he gets nothing back from this year and it really sparked the thrill if giving without receiving and feeling the gratitude from the receivers too. Might be an idea in the future. Mybdc can be negative too, it can be draining Flowers

LawnFever · 25/12/2021 08:52

Sorry you’re upset OP, I’m glad he’s apologised, maybe you can use this going forwards to teach him a lesson in being more grateful for what he has.

You don’t need to apologise or feel bad, he’s only young but he needs to learn the value of being grateful, don’t feel you should’ve done more, sounds like he’s like this about everything which must be exhausting.

TheChosenTwo · 25/12/2021 08:52

Tell him he’s behaving like Dudley Dursley and it’s made you upset, does he know about Father Christmas?

caringcarer · 25/12/2021 08:52

One of my son's used to be a bit like this but as he got older he grew out of it. As an adult I make sure I ask him to send me the link to the big present he wants and stick to safe options like socks, pants, chocolate and little bits like Star Wars air fresh for his car for his stocking. He never gets a surprise in his stocking so he is never now disappointed. Don't let it get to you. It is just a part of his personality. His brother even jokes about it ...boring X always wants the same things whereas he loves a suprise. This year in his stocking a set of curry spices as he loves to cook from scratch.

Bumpsadaisie · 25/12/2021 08:53

!!!

If it were my son (same age) he would be getting a very firm talking to from me and separately from DH.

I wouldn't do anything retaliatory ( like saying he can't have his tree presents ) because I think that would be vindictive rather than authoritative.

I would speak very firmly to him about how dare he be so ungrateful and how disappointing his behaviour is. I would then leave him to reflect for a bit then go and find him give him a hug, say let's put it behind us and enjoy your tree presents together.

So I would be firm but move on quickly and don't get too upset yourself. Kids are undeveloped they need to learn and you need to show them. Doesn't mean you've raised a monster!

At the moment I think there is a danger you are neither being firm nor putting it behind you and moving on.

My own kids were very ungrateful the other day (12 and 10). I took them out for hot choc and all they did was bicker and max that the others was better). When e we left the cafe I went full Mother on them, said how dare they be so rude when I had tried to do something nice and what a pair of spoilt brats they were being. We walked home in silence, made up a bit later.

After that they've been much nice to each other and we've had a nice time. Think sometimes they need a bit of a confrontation to reset things.

Mezmer · 25/12/2021 08:54

Try to move on from it OP. I’m anxious as I think I bought stuff too old for my DS and my DM made a comment that triggered this nagging feeling in me. You can never win. When my DS was five and still a FC believer he ripped the paper off each present and said ‘rubbish’ to all of it! Literally threw it all the books and toys over his shoulder as he went! We laugh at it now and he is mortified at the memory. Just move on. It’s what I do to get over all the slights and hurts that come with motherhood. As others have said, it’s a very emotionally loaded day.

user1471538283 · 25/12/2021 08:54

Dear god. I'm sorry you are upset. I think it's good for him to see it though.

He has had so much. I would cut right back next year and discuss his attitude and that he doesn't need lots of stuff. He needs to understand that how much stuff he gets is not important.

LawnFever · 25/12/2021 08:55

@madisonbridges

I'm not sure the answer to him being ungrateful is to just keep giving him more! There'd be fewer presents and parties.
Agreed! Try… ‘Oh well, we won’t do a party/presents next year, we’ll donate it all to some children who don’t have anything’ and send it all to a food bank/charity shop.
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