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Original poster

Ds (9) unhappy with his stocking - made me cry Christmas morning.

215 replies

cleocleo81 · 25/12/2021 08:34

I thought he might be but it was too late to do anything about it. I was really stuck for ideas as he didn't really have a Christmas list and I went shopping again late to get some more things.

He only liked a couple of items. The rest he turned his nose up at, i don't like that etc. Unfortunately although dd had the same number of presents hers were bigger so his stocking was half full in comparison. He was then quiet and stroppy. Saying his Ds had more as she was still unwrapping hers- they had the same amount but hers were bigger. The final price was a lot and I was trying to cut back. When I asked him what he didn't get that he would have liked he couldn't answer.

He's pretty ungrateful in general though and I am now worried about his under the tree presents as I think he will be the same. I try so hard in every day life to make him happy, to do nice things for him. He's never happy, nothing we do is good enough. His party wasn't in the right place and was too short, Harry Potter world was boring, his birthday cake was chocolate and he doesn't like chocolate cake, his birthday was boring as we only went to the cinema and I worked in the pm. Despite asking what he wanted to do and he said cinema. he always have a negative.

This morning I had to leave the room and he caught me crying. He's said sorry and come to see me twice so I think he knows he's upset me. I am just tired of his attitude. Everything is what he didn't get not what he has.

OP posts:
ancientgran · 25/12/2021 11:15

Yes- there is lots of jealousy with his sister. It's tricky as I she is a lovely, lovely child so the contrast between them is very apparent. I try to be fair for them but he's all about what she gets and he doesn't. He's resentful to her. I must admit I am much closer to her as he's a joy to be with and is just easy to be around. He is very hard to be around and quickly irritates me. I think as he's got older he recognises this more. I made a lot of mistakes with Ds when he was younger and didn't want to do this again with dd. I didn't intend to treat them differently but as a result I think that's what he sees. But I do try and be fair. He describes himself as naughty and he didn't get much from Santa because he's naughty. It's a continuous, stressful, upsetting cycle.

Sorry but this explains alot and I feel sorry for him. It isn't things he needs, he needs to feel as loved as his lovely sister.

I didn't buy him more, I got him less I think.

So you prefer his sister and he got less and you wonder why he was disappointed?

Rivermonsters · 25/12/2021 11:19

Sounds ungrateful. I wouldn’t have done that at his age, there would’ve been consequences for my behaviour. IMO you need to reign his behaviour in

Coronawireless · 25/12/2021 11:21

I disagree that you should have cried in front of him. Making him responsible for an adult’s happiness. This must make him feel so insecure. None of this is about his gifts - you recognise this yourself. Time to try to change the relationship between you a bit? Be firmer and also more loving. Not emotionally needy and favouring his sister. It’s good that you have some insight into what’s really going on.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Christmas
Terminallysleepdeprived · 25/12/2021 11:21

@Rivermonsters

Sounds ungrateful. I wouldn’t have done that at his age, there would’ve been consequences for my behaviour. IMO you need to reign his behaviour in
@Rivermonsters I suggest you read the subsequent posts from the OP. It explains a lot
Rivermonsters · 25/12/2021 11:25

@Terminallysleepdeprived oh yeh sorry, it does seem like OP prefers DD

Lovelymincepies · 25/12/2021 11:27

Stop trying so hard. He sounds incredibly spoilt because you are constantly trying to please him.

If he doesnt like something, tell him he’s ungrateful and then shrug your shoulders. You are not responsible for his displeasure at things.

CatJumperTwat · 25/12/2021 11:29

He doesn't want presents and parties. He wants you to love him like you love his sister. Does his father also have a favourite?

ancientgran · 25/12/2021 11:31

@CatJumperTwat

He doesn't want presents and parties. He wants you to love him like you love his sister. Does his father also have a favourite?
Couldn't agree more. Poor little boy knows he's second best and not a "lovely child" like his sister.
Freddiefox · 25/12/2021 11:37

@Lovelymincepies

Have you read the update? Really the op should be making a massive effort with him to show him he’s loved.

It’s emotionally traumatic to know you’re not loved as much as your sibling.

sweetbellyhigh · 25/12/2021 11:37

@diddl

This is so sad.

A mother upset because her ungrateful kid was ungrateful.

So hard if they don't know what they want but somehow you are expected to magic up stuff that will amaze & delight!

Harder still if his sister is easy to buy for & happy with what she gets.

He'll never be happy whilst he compares himself to his sister & her reactions though.

No, he'll never be happy so long as his mother favours his sister. 💯 this is what's eating him.
diddl · 25/12/2021 11:47

"No, he'll never be happy so long as his mother favours his sister. 💯 this is what's eating him."

Yeah I somehow missed that bit in the second post.

Is he older & has been pushed aside for his sister?

Or him being difficult is because he's desperate for any attention at all?

BogRollBOGOF · 25/12/2021 11:48

It's difficult parenting a pair of children with different emotional needs.
DS1 is ND, and DS2 is of a less complex, and more cheerful disposition.
It can be tricky to give them both what they need and to make it look fair.

ND children tend to have a desire to fit in and want what other children want, but delivering that can be tricky. They may not have realised it yet themselves and the disappointment is that something that they should covet doesn't actually bring them the promised joy.

Christmas is ridiculously over-hyped. And for many it's still very odd this year on top of last year with lots of uncertainty and many routines still not restored. We're constantly fed myths of joyous get-togethers and perfect presents. Some children don't handle suspense and surprise very well. Some don't handle busyness, disruption to routines and expectations.

DS1 needs a lot of me being around in the background. Getting 1:1 time with him is valuable. In longer holidays I satisfy DS2's need for sport and socialisation by booking him into sports camps, and DS1 and I have a 1:1 day which is what he needs more. It's not identical, but it meets their needs and is presented in a way that they understand that. DS1 needs more preparing about what is to come, plan A, plan B.
He can be "bratty", but it's actually a child not coping.

MrsHGWells · 25/12/2021 11:53

@cleocleo81 excuse me you are throwing a wee pity party for yourself on here, as your DS realises and has called you out on favouritism time and time again. You simply don’t treat him the same, yet expect him to be thrilled to pieces with your half hearted attempts. Stop stealing love your DS deserves and pulling it on your favourite.

You openly make extra effort with your DD as you know the love comes back 4fold which encourages you even more.

Nip this in the bud before you damage your DS’s self esteem any more. Break the cycle.

Ilkleymoor · 25/12/2021 12:00

Going to be very direct here - do you think your tears might be defensive because you do know that you don't treat them fairly?

Guilt isn't useful here - from right now, you need to start prioritising him. And recognise he may never become the type of child you find easier but with your support he could be a happier child. And that would be something to be proud of.

Ilkleymoor · 25/12/2021 12:01

@MrsHGWells excellent response.

This is all fixable OP, if you really look it in the eye.

Joystir59 · 25/12/2021 12:12

Learn from this. Your son is spoilt. Next time you treat him, next birthday, next Christmas, remember that less is often more. He is going to have to learn to be grateful for what he receives- there is only one way to do this 'unspoiling' and that's the hard way, unfortunately, by giving him less than he expects. Let him feel the pain of not receiving. Add to the learning by encouraging him to give to others.

MadCattery · 25/12/2021 12:14

I am old (61) and a hundred years ago, when I was a child, we only received gifts for birthdays and Christmas, so we appreciated every one. Children now get video games and phones, skateboards and all sorts of things all year long and it makes the holidays anti-climatic. I sincerely hope that we will continue to be able to afford to do this, and try to balance it by teaching them to be grateful, because earlier generations often had so little. In this generation there are many who have nothing. Maybe your family could volunteer or donate to a woman's shelter or something along those lines, so he will see there are so many in real need.

UserError012345 · 25/12/2021 12:17

You are not alone. I have one DD who Is the same.

mowglika · 25/12/2021 12:19

I try so hard in every day life to make him happy, to do nice things for him. He's never happy, nothing we do is good enough.

Your DS might just be like that but I suspect the above isn’t helping. Do less, he will be more grateful for what he does get. It’s always the way with kids, the more you do the higher their expectations, to some degree you can’t blame them when we set their expectations for bigger and better all the time.

I have the same problem, I’m going to have a good talk with my ds about appreciating what he’s given before we head to my mums house for Xmas lunch!

Lovelymincepies · 25/12/2021 12:22

Apologies I did not read the update

crochetmonkey74 · 25/12/2021 12:24

Sometimes I wonder if the early start to Christmas (from November on ) is adding to kids being ungrateful. All through December they are having Christmas sweets, secret santas at school etc etc. My mum started later and so when I got chocolate coins in my stocking It was the first and only time I got them for the year so they were more special. Just a thought hearing PPs say their kids dont appreciate the christmassy stocking bits- that was practically our whole stocking really, but now that a lot of houses have festive toiletries and snacks for Dec, it must look like the stockings are full of household stuff. I'm a teacher and I have definitely seen an increase in disinterest and ungratefulness

NatashaBedwouldbenice · 25/12/2021 12:40

He was promised by teachers, TV etc that he would get his heart's desire.

I know! Teachers, right? Messing our kids up left, right and centre.

Lukeaway · 25/12/2021 12:40

Does your son exhibit any symptoms of autism or adhd? I ask because my son has both and he finds surprises stressful and not enjoyable, Christmas we don’t do wrapped up gifts for him we have an online shopping day where we watch movies, do some online shopping play a game and some more online shopping then he gets gifts as they arrive, he then gets some chocolates and pyjamas to unwrap on the day. He enjoys it much more that way, anyway not internet diagnosing your child, just something to think about :)

crochetmonkey74 · 25/12/2021 12:42

@NatashaBedwouldbenice

He was promised by teachers, TV etc that he would get his heart's desire.

I know! Teachers, right? Messing our kids up left, right and centre.

I thought this! I spend December doing the opposite, talking about gratitude, family time over presents etc etc
Thickasmincepie · 25/12/2021 12:44

I think it depends on the kid too. Dd is currently (not teen yet) a joy and loves everything. Ds knows everything and is world weary and over everythingHmm . An approving nod is all you get with him. His main gift is being left alone and not been pressured to engage in family timeGrin