DH should be 42 today

[tunnocksreturns2019]

It’s not that old, is it? He died of cancer aged 37.

I’ve tried to mark it well. But my word, I miss him.

I’m so sorry you lost your lovely DH far, far too young

@tunnocksreturns2019

I didn’t deserve him

You absolutely did & still do!!

(Old friend in new name!!)

He should be here!! It's no less unfair now than it was at the time. He was a good man & you and the kids deserve to have him here with you! & he deserves to be here, with you & the kids!

Xx

I opened the thread thinking it would be you from the title tunnocks.
37 is, as you say, no age.
Life can be very unfair.
I'm sorry to read that you are struggling at the moment, is there help that you can access?
Just a handhold across the ether x.

I hate how friends hardly mention him but I also hate it when they do, because they have to use the past tense: “He was”. Time is such a nonsense and such an irrelevancy. He matters at least as much as their present tense spouses.

I can feel the love you have for him oozing out of every word you type.

I am sorry you are going through this x

I tall about John, my late DH, lots. Some people, probably those I don't know well, appear embarrassed about it but he was a big part of my life and history, I'm not hiding that away.
Of course MrTunnocks matters just as much.

I’m sure so many people think nearly five years is forever. But ‘moving on’ isn’t really a thing when your kids don’t get another Daddy.

ah, Tunnocks, I too remember when your lovely DH died. 37 is ... just beginning to really live. I'm so sorry that he didn't get that, with you and your children. It must be devastating indeed.

I love the story of your shared birthday meals.

I've not lost a DH but my parents and best friend. Happy memories, of which I'm sure there are so many, don't help much when you face days like this. All you can see is the missing, the what won't be, what can never be. I get that.

Happy birthday to your lovely man. Sending hugs and healing thoughts to you. You are enough, you know. To your DC, you are their everything. You've got this.

You don't "move on", you carry on.
Five years can feel like both a lifetime and no time at all.

@rubyandbel

I can feel the love you have for him oozing out of every word you type.

Oh he was simply wonderful. I’ll always feel I let him down at the end. Doing of life care at home when your kids are 5 and 7 and you’re utterly heartbroken is too difficult. I failed the test.

@Chasingsquirrels

You don't "move on", you carry on. Five years can feel like both a lifetime and no time at all.

Yes xxx

You did not fail tunnocks, you really didn't (I remember your threads at the time).

Sorry for your loss op. Lovely story about the meat / fish. The way you write I can feel the love.

I’m sorry you are going through this

I’ll count my blessings tomorrow everyone, honest.

Today I did a pancake breakfast before school, worked from home, school pick up and then tea out and an early cinema trip. DS was beastly over dinner and again at bedtime. But I did keep my cool. There’s a lovely boy in there, under a lot of weariness and anxiety. Secondary school is still so brutal for so many.

I’m sorry for all the birthdays and days that you and your husband will miss together. Xxx

I'm so sorry

I remember your thread Tunnocks. You really didn't fail him.

Happy Birthday Mr Tunnocks.

Another food story. DH cooked for the extended family a lot, including mid cancer treatment. On one such occasion I found him taking notes on what he was going to prepare and he looked up at me and said, earnestly: “I really did make too much last time. I’m going to do exactly the same!”

@tunnocksreturns2019 I hear you. I'm in a similar position, although my husband was a bit older when he died. It's so hard. You can't explain how hard it is. And, we get to pick up all the mess that's left. I thought after he died, after a long illness, things would get easier in some ways. Teenagers have other ideas. It is not a good time to be without a dad. Hugs to you tonight.

@wishing3

I’m sorry for all the birthdays and days that you and your husband will miss together. Xxx

Thank you. Me too, it is making me cry so much. He loved me just the way I am.

You sounds like a great mum.

You are enough. Everything you do is enough. 💐

[quote OnwardsAndSideways1]@tunnocksreturns2019 I hear you. I'm in a similar position, although my husband was a bit older when he died. It's so hard. You can't explain how hard it is. And, we get to pick up all the mess that's left. I thought after he died, after a long illness, things would get easier in some ways. Teenagers have other ideas. It is not a good time to be without a dad. Hugs to you tonight.[/quote]
Bless you, yes, it’s harder now even than when brand new and the DC were tinies. And most people have melted away

It's so lovely he loved you just the way you are. You have had a precious experience. It's incredibly hard to have lost it. I wish I could say anything to make it better but I just think being sad is where it's at sometimes, and that's ok.