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Original poster

Suicide ***trigger warning*** how do I keep my child alive

205 replies

Iimaginethiswillbefun · 28/09/2021 11:31

I need some help please. And please please no judgement.

My daughter is so, so unhappy. She doesn’t want to be alive. She just wants to go to bed and not wake up.

She hates everything about her life, everything she struggles at college with friendships, she is so lonely. She doesn’t want to be here.

I worry about her constantly. I’m at work and I think about her non stop. But I have to go to work I can’t afford not too.

She is on an anti depressant but it doesn’t seem to be working. I have gone back to CAMHs again but she doesn’t engage with them.

She told me she doesn’t know how much longer she will be alive for. I am a nervous wreck. And the most awful thought came to me. If she doesn’t want to be here and really doesn’t want to be here, how do I keep her here am I just torturing her by keeping her here. I’m in foods of tears even typing this. I’m at the end of my tether. More than anything I want her to see the positivity in life but she just doesn’t.

Help me and please no judgement.

OP posts:
Brollywasntneededafterall · 28/09/2021 11:36

How old is she? My dh was 25 when me and the police picked him up. Local MH team visited several times a week initially them weekly. They were invaluable..
Your local council have a vulnerable child /adult support team.

Original poster
Iimaginethiswillbefun · 28/09/2021 11:36

She is 16.

OP posts:
MrsCalypsoGrant · 28/09/2021 11:37

OP I'm so sorry, I have nothing useful to add - I've sat here desperately trying to think of something helpful to say & I'm afraid I'm failing...other people will be along with good advice I'm sure but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

I have an SN 14 year old who really struggles with life & it's a fear of mine that I find myself where you are at some point.

Again, apologies for being useless but I wanted you to know someone had read your post & was sending you support from across the ether. Take care of yourself, I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job Thanks

StellaCinnamon · 28/09/2021 11:38

Oh you poor poor thing. Your love for your girl is so clear from this post and you must be in hell.

Can you take her to a&e? I don’t really have any advice for you but I just wanted to offer a handhold.

juicy0 · 28/09/2021 11:39

I'm so sorry to read this, for both you and your daughter this must be an unimaginable situation.
Have you been back to her GP about the meds not working? There will be other options which may really help so please get in touch with them and emphasise the urgency of the situation.
How old is your daughter? Is her educational setting able to offer any advice?
I'm sure CAMHs do great things but they are so overwhelmed at the moment that I'm worried waiting for them or for your daughter to engage will be an additional risk.

I'm sure there are others on here with personal recommendations and advice to give but I just wanted to respond as a hand hold for you x

Original poster
Iimaginethiswillbefun · 28/09/2021 11:39

I feel like a terrible person to say this but my thought pattern is who am I to keep her alive when she desperately wants to be dead.

OP posts:
Twizbe · 28/09/2021 11:42

I read on here once someone say that their suicidal thoughts weren't so much 'I don't want to be alive' but 'I don't want to live like this'

I'm not sure if that helps at all, but perhaps something to talk to her about.

If the meds aren't working and you're scared for her, you could explore inpatient support for a while. Has CAMHS got the facilities to help with that?

Original poster
Iimaginethiswillbefun · 28/09/2021 11:42

She won’t engage with whoever I take her to see. Just sits in silence.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 28/09/2021 11:45

I have absolutely nothing useful to say, Imagine but I'm truly sad for you and your daughter. What an awful position for her to be in - and for you to watch, knowing that you can't do anything other than what you're doing for her.

It must be like 'waiting for the shoe to drop'. I don't know much about CAMHs or what they can do to get people who don't want to, to engage with the help offered and available. I'm so sorry for you both.

Hungry675tf · 28/09/2021 11:46

Flowers OP.

Can she articulate whether she wants to die, or whether she is finding it too hard to be alive. Its subtle but there is a difference.

If she can articulate why she is finding it too hard to be alive then you may be able to work through with her about how to help her?

Can you get in touch with student support at her college? They will have experience of supporting students in crisis.

She may also find this app useful:

www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/

Twizbe · 28/09/2021 11:46

@Iimaginethiswillbefun

She won’t engage with whoever I take her to see. Just sits in silence.
Inpatient might have to be the way forward for her.

My friend has been in hospital a few times for MH and while it's hard I do believe it's saved her life a few times

Sowingbees · 28/09/2021 11:49

@Iimaginethiswillbefun

I feel like a terrible person to say this but my thought pattern is who am I to keep her alive when she desperately wants to be dead.
I've never said this before but my husband is very similar and I have also had this thought process, the only way I can explain it was when my grandad was dying of cancer and I held his hand a told him to let go as I knew he couldn't fight anymore. It seems acceptable to say that for a physical illness but not a mental one. So please don't feel terrible for feeling like that, it comes from love.
Nsmum14 · 28/09/2021 11:51

OP this is desperate, and awful for you both.
I went through an awful patch at a similar age, and survived it by going long walks, skipping school (I came close to being expelled), and pure luck in meeting all the right people later in life.
If you think it might be helpful please PM me, I would be happy to talk or email your daughter if she feels comfortable with this, to reassure here that even though her life is hellish now, it will change. It always does, for us all. There is also a very humane writer, Mat Haig, he seems approachable based on what I've seen on his social media, and may possibly be open to contacting your daughter, to let her know that she is not alone in feeling what she is feeling.

Original poster
Iimaginethiswillbefun · 28/09/2021 11:53

@Sowingbees thank you for saying that I feel like the most evil disgusting person to have these thoughts about my own child.

OP posts:
Sarahlou63 · 28/09/2021 11:54

Forgive me if this is naive but would she engage with an animal if she won't speak to people?

Original poster
Iimaginethiswillbefun · 28/09/2021 11:55

She has a cat who she loves very much.

OP posts:
rjacksmiss · 28/09/2021 11:55

[quote Iimaginethiswillbefun]@Sowingbees thank you for saying that I feel like the most evil disgusting person to have these thoughts about my own child.[/quote]
You just want her to stop hurting. You're not evil.

I hope she finds peace whilst still being here.

Thanks
MrsVeryTired · 28/09/2021 11:55

I feel for you Flowers

Try to keep in mind this is how she feels "right now" it doesn't mean that next year she will still feel this way. You can't "fix it" for her but you will keep her company while she gets through this horrible time. She has lots of living ahead of her in the future.

Can her medication be increased? Mine had to go to max dose before it had any effect. Best way forward in the short term is just try to get through every day and hope that tomorrow will be a bit better.

Encourage her with little things she enjoys, if there's anything, even a short walk, fresh air and nature can really help.

Childrens Mental Health has lots of threads with posters going through similar and it can help to feel not alone.

LarkspurLane · 28/09/2021 11:55

@Iimaginethiswillbefun

I feel like a terrible person to say this but my thought pattern is who am I to keep her alive when she desperately wants to be dead.
You sound like you are filled with empathy for her and what she is going through. It's so tough for both of you. You sound like a fabulous mum.
MrsVeryTired · 28/09/2021 11:57

And yes Matt Haig is fab, as is Charley Macksey.

Cat videos on Youtube Smile

Brollywasntneededafterall · 28/09/2021 11:59

Has your dd discussed her periods with GP? My 2x dd's (14+16)have great fluctuations in their moods... Quite scarey how they change... Antidepressants can take 3 months to kick in..
I feel for you op... Ds still has me on pins every day.

Mynameismargot · 28/09/2021 12:00

@Iimaginethiswillbefun

I feel like a terrible person to say this but my thought pattern is who am I to keep her alive when she desperately wants to be dead.
You aren't a terrible person at all. My husband was terribly depressed for a long time and I had this thought too more than once. One morning in particular when he was in a bad way, I could see his pain and I remember thinking to myself that maybe I should just let him go, maybe it would be the kindest thing to do. It's really difficult trying to support someone in that situation so be kind to yourself.

That was probably about 8 years or so ago now and he is better now.
I don't know how the mental health system works in the UK but I had to advocate hard for dh because he wasn't in a position to do it for himself. I went to appointments with him, I told them when things weren't working because he would just sit queitly. He tried many different anti-depressants until finally a mix of quetiapine and sertraline managed to pull him out of it.

You are going through a really difficult time too so remember to look after yourself, I know that is easier said than done though.

Joystir59 · 28/09/2021 12:01

I think you should contact any or all of these: her GP, a&e, social services.
Your job is to try and get her help.

Sprig1 · 28/09/2021 12:01

So sorry that you are going through this. Is there anything that she does enjoy? Can you focus on/maximise time on that? If you can help her find something to live for then maybe those parts of life that she finds so hard will become bearable. I see she loves her cat. Is there any opportunity to get her involved with a local cat rescue? I am thinking that it would be great if she enjoyed spending time helping the cats but also that she may feel that she had to stay alive for them.

Joystir59 · 28/09/2021 12:02

Also, question her about her intentions- has she explored suicide methods and she have a plan in place? If so she needs urgently referring for emergency care.