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Original poster

Suicide ***trigger warning*** how do I keep my child alive

205 replies

Iimaginethiswillbefun · 28/09/2021 11:31

I need some help please. And please please no judgement.

My daughter is so, so unhappy. She doesn’t want to be alive. She just wants to go to bed and not wake up.

She hates everything about her life, everything she struggles at college with friendships, she is so lonely. She doesn’t want to be here.

I worry about her constantly. I’m at work and I think about her non stop. But I have to go to work I can’t afford not too.

She is on an anti depressant but it doesn’t seem to be working. I have gone back to CAMHs again but she doesn’t engage with them.

She told me she doesn’t know how much longer she will be alive for. I am a nervous wreck. And the most awful thought came to me. If she doesn’t want to be here and really doesn’t want to be here, how do I keep her here am I just torturing her by keeping her here. I’m in foods of tears even typing this. I’m at the end of my tether. More than anything I want her to see the positivity in life but she just doesn’t.

Help me and please no judgement.

OP posts:
Joystir59 · 28/09/2021 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

MuthaFunka61 · 28/09/2021 12:04

The first thing to do to help keep her safe is to ensure anything that can be used to harm herself is kept out of her way. If this means keeping any and all items in a locked room then do this.
Secondly tell her the reason why this is happening,tell her you have a responsibility to keep her safe and this is what you are doing.
You need to have a conversation with her about what thoughts she has about ending her life,how would she do this so you can ensure that any means of her achieving this are removed.
This is standard safeguarding procedure.

Once these practicalities are out of the way it's time to begin finding out why this is happening. What's changed?
Has something happened to make her feel like this and if so this needs addressing via therapeutic support.

My other thought is as she's 16 how are her hormones?
A hormonal imbalance can have a huge impact on mood so I'd be pressing for bloods to be taken and her b12 &vit d also checked as these can also have an impact. Once you have these results is area and a functional medicine practitioner maybe able to help.

Other than this,you need to seek support for yourself in managing this,here's a couple of suggestions:

www.papyrus-uk.org/

www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/a-z-guide/suicidal-thoughts/

parentinfo.org/article/young-people-and-suicide

G'luck @Iimaginethiswillbefun

We're here for you Flowers

TroublesomeTownHouse · 28/09/2021 12:04

SO sorry you are going through this. It is quite possible that while she feels like this now she won't feel like it forever.

You can only do so much and it is so very hard if she won't engage with support.

Is she taking the meds do you think? It may be that she in not on the right dose or even the right drugs.

What helped me when my DC was struggling was being told it wasn't my job to make them happy and whatever we do as parents we can't ensure they are always happy. What you can do is be with her while she is sad and wait for it to get better.

So sorry for both of you.

Joystir59 · 28/09/2021 12:05

You are not evil at all, and it may well be that she goes, that you lose her. But try and take practical steps to prevent it. She's sixteen years old with a severe mental health issue.

Mamascoven · 28/09/2021 12:05

This is so sad and my heart goes out to you and your daughter. My younger sister didnt get out of bed from the ages of 13-17, severely depressed. It was really really bad for all the family. CAMHS were not much help but her going there was at least getting her out although she did miss appointments. She is now on the right medication and has just got her first job there is always hope. Sending love. 💐

Joystir59 · 28/09/2021 12:06

This reply has been deleted

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Ozanj · 28/09/2021 12:08

@Iimaginethiswillbefun

I need some help please. And please please no judgement.

My daughter is so, so unhappy. She doesn’t want to be alive. She just wants to go to bed and not wake up.

She hates everything about her life, everything she struggles at college with friendships, she is so lonely. She doesn’t want to be here.

I worry about her constantly. I’m at work and I think about her non stop. But I have to go to work I can’t afford not too.

She is on an anti depressant but it doesn’t seem to be working. I have gone back to CAMHs again but she doesn’t engage with them.

She told me she doesn’t know how much longer she will be alive for. I am a nervous wreck. And the most awful thought came to me. If she doesn’t want to be here and really doesn’t want to be here, how do I keep her here am I just torturing her by keeping her here. I’m in foods of tears even typing this. I’m at the end of my tether. More than anything I want her to see the positivity in life but she just doesn’t.

Help me and please no judgement.

If you think she is an immediate danger to herself then call social services to ask how / if you can get her sectioned. In the meantime I would be taking her everyday to a counsellor even if she’s just quiet for the whole hour. Call Relate or Mind to see what’s available in your area.
Boatingforthestars · 28/09/2021 12:08

No you are not torturing her by keeping her here, her brain is malfunctioning to make her feel the way it does. A healthy mindset makes you want to survive so her thought process is the problem.
I can't help with the how's though. Try a change in medication I know a few people that have had to try multiple things before it made them feel better.
In the mean time, try and keep her busy and get her thinking of other stuff as it will break the negative cycle.

MrsR87 · 28/09/2021 12:09

I don’t really have anything useful to say but I didn’t want to read and run.

You don’t sound like a terrible person to me…quite the opposite. You sound like a mother who is in pain because their child is in pain and you don’t know how to help them.

There are already some good suggestions in the previous posts, I really hope you can get her the help she needs x

Mn753 · 28/09/2021 12:09

What antidepressants is she on, have they been tested on teenagers?

Is she on any hormonal birth control?

What are her vitamin D levels like?

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 28/09/2021 12:10

There should be an emergency CAHMS number, so if you think there is a risk to her life, then please please call it. They should be able to deal with a silent teenager, but if not, then keep escalating.

Flowers
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 28/09/2021 12:10

Sowingbees that is was a really helpful post, thank you from me too.

Sarahlou63 · 28/09/2021 12:11

@Iimaginethiswillbefun

She has a cat who she loves very much.
The reason I asked is that interacting with horses has been shown to help with many forms of mental illness, from PTSD to ASD. It doesn't involve riding, just being with a horse in a quiet setting. You could see if there's anywhere close to you offering this type of therapy;

www.counselling-directory.org.uk/equine-assisted-therapy.html

User5827372728 · 28/09/2021 12:11

Do you know what’s the main problems?
Was she like this before lockdowns?
Has she moved to a new college?
Is she taking any medication for acne or anything?
Is she being bullied?
Has she experienced any major trauma?

SnakeRabbitMouse · 28/09/2021 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toolazytothinkofausername · 28/09/2021 12:14

I have no experience of what your daughter is going through so I don't know if my advice is useful. I hope it is.

Would your daughter like to volunteer in a cat shelter? She may enjoy spending time with the cats and mixing with like minded people.

People also volunteer in places like the Pause cat cafe in Bournemouth.

SuperStarRose · 28/09/2021 12:18

What medication does she take

BentBastard · 28/09/2021 12:19

Apologies if this is out of place but has there been any investigation regarding what might be behind this, eg possible neurodiversity? What you describe is very common in Girls with undiagnosed neurodiversity. My daughter is one such example. After years of CBT and sertraline which didn't really help and lack of engagement, friendship and school issues, self harm and talk of suicide she has been diagnosed with ADHD and it is starting to make a difference, getting to the actual root cause.

I apologies if this is not relevant or appropriate.

You sound a wonderful and caring mum.

Legdaysucks · 28/09/2021 12:21

So sorry, what an awful time you must be going through. You must be worried out of your mind. If you haven't already, please try Papyrus who work on prevention of young suicide. They run a free help line for confidential support and practical advice for people in your situation.

www.papyrus-uk.org/hopelineuk

I hope this helps.

NewMelodies · 28/09/2021 12:21

Sorry if this sounds random or inappropriate for you, but her just sitting in silence with professionals made me think perhaps you could try taking her to a Quaker meeting if there is one near you? It is just sitting in silence, but (in my experience) some of the most therapeutic and healing silence there is. Any chat afterwards is totally optional.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/09/2021 12:22

Is she on any other medication that could cause her to feel lower? I've had experience of a few young adults who have felt in the pit of despair, and it has been conclusively linked to their acne medication.

Original poster
Iimaginethiswillbefun · 28/09/2021 12:22

To give a brief overview sorry I’m at work

She has a diagnosis of ADD and ASD.
Her father left us when she was very young she doesn’t have a very good relationship with him
She is on medication for ADD and depression - setraline

She has always found life difficult however as she is getting older and her peers are leaping ahead she is finding things more and more difficult

OP posts:
Mariell · 28/09/2021 12:23

Did she just become unwell or is this a symptom of something traumatic that has happened to her as help and support need to be tailored to understand why she is like this.

ScatteredMama82 · 28/09/2021 12:23

@Iimaginethiswillbefun

I feel like a terrible person to say this but my thought pattern is who am I to keep her alive when she desperately wants to be dead.
I am so, so sorry for you and your daughter. It must be heartbreaking, but she's only 16 with so much life ahead of her and with the right help and support that could be a good life. I don't know if I'm saying the right thing or not, and I can hear your desperation from your posts, but I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you both.
Pinotnoirandcheese · 28/09/2021 12:27

OP, is it at all possible for you to take a week and go away with her? I had a very troubled childhood and was extremely miserable at times. My grandmother’s solution was a week in Turkey/Italy/Greece. She did this about 4-5 times during my teens. We never discussed any issues, we never “solved” anything. But the combination of a change, some sightseeing, different food and warm weather really helped me break a negative thought pattern and it was easier to tackle things once we were back.