I knew my relationship was over when.........

[Itwasoverwhen]

We went camping, there was a huge storm, he packed up his car and left me with 3 children, a huge tent to take down and everything still to pack in the lashing rain and wind because 'his stuff was packed'. I was still there an hour later and a man from a neighbouring tent couldn't even believe he had gone and just left me to struggle on my own.

Your turn...

We weren't living together but ending the relationship rather than leaving. And doesn't compare to any horrors that some of you have gone through.

I should have left the relationship when when we arrived back to my flat after being pressured into having a termination. He left to pick his flatmate up from the airport and I checked his messages, he'd been sending messages to his ex while I was in hospital that morning and he was sat by my bedside. Telling her I was crazy and the reason he didn't talk to her anymore was because of me.

When I finally did leave was actually one day when he wasn't replying to my messages while he was at work. Not a huge deal I just needed to know what time he wanted me at his but knew he would just be busy. When I did get to his that night he had cooked for me, lovely I thought. He was showing me his new phone and accidentally showed me his messages, absolutely hundreds and hundreds of messages from a woman I didn't know the name of. When I asked he backtracked tried to say it was his contacts, I calmly said that they were messages as I saw my own messages in there (this was before messages stacked. He'd also been texting her when I was there too looking at the times of them) I asked again and he said it was just a colleague, they we're bored at work and they message each other to fill the time. I felt so sad knowing I could barely get a reply from him, he wasn't busy at all he just didn't want to talk to me. I poked around in my plate of food he had made (out of guilt I think) and suddenly realised it was a prawn linguine... I HATE seafood (and he knew this as he made us once go to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered a steak). I just put down my fork, scritched his cat for the last time and said I was leaving. He was confused and trying to get me to stay, but I had nothing left in me. I simply said something like it was over and I deserved better than a man who doesn't know me and he had ground me down too much. All I wanted was to be enough for him and I never would be so why pretend otherwise. It was like something from a movie as I walked off down his street and under the underground to the train as he called my name down the street. I cried the entire train ride home but I deserved more.

I missed his cat more than him in the end.

When I found him crying because he'd got another woman pregnant and she'd had an abortion. He wanted that baby. Took no interest in the two we had though.

@Gucci1961

Yeh *@PuddyMuddles4* I left with a 4 year old and a 1 year old, and I sometimes think, if I hadn't had the courage to leave, all three of them would be being horrible to me now. :-(

@Gucci1961 - it's horrible isn't it? Unfortunately the one DTD (they're 12 now), is autistic and has never been able to 'unlearn' that behaviour. She still treats me the way her 'D'F treated me.

Things hadn’t been great for a while. He had an enormous temper. He woke me up one night screaming at me because I hadn’t saved his PlayStation game before ejecting the DVD.

I went away with work for a few days, so had some space. I was so muddled as to whether to leave or not.

I bought, then read this book. In it, it asks a load of specific questions which helped focus my thinking.

At the end, about 50% of the questions pointed me towards leaving, 50% toward staying so I thought it had been a waste of time.

Then I read the final chapter which said if even one question points you towards leaving, you should leave. It felt like a weight had been lifted and I’d been given permission all at once. Now, if it had only been one ‘leave’ out of all of those questions, I may well not have left. But that feeling I got told me all I needed to know and I left him a few weeks later.

Oh no :-( that is awful. You deserve better. 🍷

When he kicked my cat.

When, after 12 years of devoted marriage, I accidentally got pregnant and he said "How do I know it's mine?"

@Seeleyboo

Ex husband used to beat me but one day he punched my 10 year old son in the side of his head. That was the end. I was no longer afraid of him.

Jesus, this one really got to me. Well done for leaving. I hope you're doing ok now.

He pulled up the back of my skirt in the middle of a public place, to “jokingly” humiliate me. That was the end of that.

Bloody hell there are some harrowing stories here.

The first time he punched me.. I was pregnant.

A list of things that should have warned me off long ago but the very final straw was when I had a phone call from his mum to say he had been taken into hospital. I was distraught and phoned the three local hospitals to find out which ward etc and how he was. No trace. I didn’t sleep a wink. He came back two days later with a huge bag of medication, and I found out he’d given a false name at the hospital so I couldn’t trace him. The End.

I was in hospital having the termination he pressured me into, I had just gone through the procedure, and he asked me if we had done the right thing.....

I walked away and never looked back, and he flits between blaming me for everything and pining for me

My parents paid for them, ex h and our 3 kids to go to Disney Paris. Then they said they would watch the kids one evening so we could go to the pub. Went back to the hotel and before we went in I said I would just have a cigarette(designated area) so sat down...he then dropped his pants asking for a bj!!! I said no 3 times at the thing being waved in my face (mother lol) final warning was " YOU PUT THAT ANYWHERE NEAR MY FACE AGAIN AND I WILL PUT MY CIGARETTE OUT ON IT!" Guess what happened!?! That was just the icing on the cake

When he was yet again screaming at me about how i was lazy, useless, frigid, probably having an affair, taking advantage of him...etc.

I had an epiphany, left 3 days later.. packed me and the kids up in one day and never looked back.

He said, 'I never want children.'

1. He had an affair with a girl 12 years younger than me and was financially abusive.
2. He smacked our 2yr old ds for emptying a bag of flour on the lawn while he was snoring on the sofa. I'd only been gone an hour and my oldest ds told me. Ds2 had a big red hand print on his leg. I found out after I left him, that he had also been a complete arsehole to ds1 too.
3. Racist, mysoginistic, selfish and had sex with me when I wasn't coherent enough to consent.

I have now been single for 10 years and unless some lovely chap drops in my lap I shall stay that way until I die.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

He said, 'I never want children.'

Same except his was "I don't want to be a father." Married 10 years and were about to get on IVF list.

Started over with new man. Waited out the list and have my lovely little "science baby."

When he left the armed forces (married but I stayed in our home town due to work and our DD, so he lived in barracks not married ), let me down a few weekends I really needed him home due my grand dad being ill then dying, but kept telling me he was working, turns out he was having weekends away, cleared out his stuff, brought it home, he was with someone else. not proud of myself cos he left via back fence with me chucking his stuff at him

@selflove just wanted to say you're not alone. I've had the same experience. My ex was/is fucking vile.

Christ there's some right cunts out there!

Well done everyone who's walked away.

So glad for you, Baby. I have 3 children. We were married, we had a good marriage, we loved each other, had a house, great, stable jobs - careers. He was 34 and I was 30. We'd gone back and forth for 2 years, counselling, the works. It's why I'm so vehement on here, if he says no kids, believe him! You need to move on. It was extremely painful, we had to divorce, sell the house, etc.

He never did have children, he meant it. He had a vasectomy. We're still friends, 21 years later (yes, my DH knows, has even met him).

These are some of the most heartbreaking things I've ever read. I truly hope you have all found happiness xx

When discussing mutual friends who had gotten together young and had their first child in their late teens, (they were and still are perfectly happy btw) he said he would have "marched me straight down to the abortion clinic" if we had been in that situation We'd only been dating a couple of months thankfully. Off you fuck mate you won't be marching me anywhere I'm afraid!

He had an emotional affair and I was still willing to TRY therapy to make it work for the sake of our son. We were talking about it over the phone and he did a big sigh and said that he didn’t love me but was willing to stay in a relationship with me. I can’t describe the way he said it, it was so put-upon. Like I had done all the things wrong and he was doing me a big favour.

It was just so clear then, I felt like any love I had left for him was just wiped away. This man had lied, cheated, manipulated me and he still thought he was a victim of ME because I “wasn’t nice” to him when he sat on his arse playing video games, lifting a finger and chatting up some other girl. I told him we were done.

I’m so happy to be single. I don’t miss the slightest thing about him. He sees our son a few times a week and our little boy is not bothered in the slightest by his dad not living with us- I actually think he spends MORE time with the baby now that he’s gone!