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Original poster

I knew my relationship was over when.........

866 replies

Itwasoverwhen · 22/05/2021 14:25

We went camping, there was a huge storm, he packed up his car and left me with 3 children, a huge tent to take down and everything still to pack in the lashing rain and wind because 'his stuff was packed'. I was still there an hour later and a man from a neighbouring tent couldn't even believe he had gone and just left me to struggle on my own.

Your turn...

OP posts:
seepingweeping · 22/05/2021 17:30

I want to help my friend get out but I don't know how. I've said she should leave, she doesn't deserve this treatment, etc.

OldTurtleNewShell · 22/05/2021 17:30

There was a lot up to that point but the part that made me realise there was no going back was when I read his messages to the OW.
He was so incredibly disdainful and nasty about me, and spent a good part of it complaining about whenever he 'had' to spend time with me and DS, including on Christmas day. Who tf complains about 'having' to be with their four year old on Christmas day? I remember his words about that were that it was 'such bullshit' that he had to be with us and not her.
Of course, when I confronted him it was all tears and desperation that I didn't leave.
So glad I'm now rid. Such a wanker.

myfuckingfreezer · 22/05/2021 17:31

He paused mid sex to check a text from his ex wife, then left as she needed him.

I was angry and unsatisfied. Bad combo

Crinkle77 · 22/05/2021 17:32

He told me he was being stationed with the army to Cyprus so there was no point having a long distance relationship. There were signs that he wanted out if the relationship but I didn't join the dots until that moment.

OldTurtleNewShell · 22/05/2021 17:34

Of course, when I confronted him it was all tears and desperation that I didn't leave.
Tears on his part that is and him suddenly desperate to make it work. Hmm

seepingweeping · 22/05/2021 17:36

@OldTurtleNewShell

My friends partner does this to her, not messaging other women but his friends and his parents. She is still there with their 3 very young children. How long did it take you to leave? She swings between leaving and staying. She was all set to go last weekend but he sobbed and said he loved her and he would change as she packed and she stayed. Last night he took her key and her phone charger as he went out. She couldn't lock the front or back door. I'm really worried about her and those children.

I'm so sorry this happened to you too.

BishopBrennansArse · 22/05/2021 17:37

When my then 10 year old DD asked me why Daddy is abusive. I honestly thought I'd protected them from it but that was the end, that second I heard it.

ChocAuVin · 22/05/2021 17:37

It should have been the first time he raised his voice and shouted, “No fucking bitch will ever tell me what to do.”

Or maybe the time when he first threw a full plate of food I’d cooked for him up in the air and essentially said ‘now look what you’ve made me do.’

Or the first time he poked me in the chest, hard.

Or the first time I woke up to find him having sex with me — or even the time he acted like he wanted a medal for agreeing not to do that any more.

Or any one of the other —literally countless— ways he abused me in a constant cycle of charm, blow out behaviour, then freezing out, for nearly two decades.

Sadly none of these things ever felt like enough for me to admit it was over. I was utterly terrified of ‘ruining my kids’ lives’ by leaving and always second-guessed myself about whether it was bad enough.

In the end it took him punching me in the face and grabbing my throat to leave for good.

Flamingosarentreal · 22/05/2021 17:38

When he tried to pretend I didn't see him walking over the new carpet in his shoes by hiding in the toilet and taking them off.

Standrewsschool · 22/05/2021 17:38

These are so sad. Hope you are all in good places now.

MissConductUS · 22/05/2021 17:38

Nothing comparable to offer, just wanted to say how sorry I am that so many have been treated so poorly.

selflove · 22/05/2021 17:42

He was drunk and angry, like he always was when he was drunk. I was pregnant and at home with our 2&3 year olds when he came back from a 48 hour bender, and he was angry that I hadn't tried to ring him to find out where he was. By that point, I didn't care where he was. I wished him dead. He pushed me down to the floor and started pissing on me. He forced my mouth open and pissed in my mouth. I left the next day. Gave birth alone, have been a single parent now for 3 years, and have never been happier.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 22/05/2021 17:48
Flowers
leeds2glasgow · 22/05/2021 17:49

@lostsoul1989

I've just went over and asked what was going on, all I got was "nothing just tired" then ignored me.
In the kindest possible way, you need to block him and ignore him.
Puffalicious · 22/05/2021 17:50

selflove what particular kind of a bastard does this to another human, never mind the mother of his children? Flowers

FuzzyPuffling · 22/05/2021 17:56

He cut the brake pipes on my car.

1FootInTheRave · 22/05/2021 18:01

On holiday he went for a few pints and didn't come back. Left me and our 2 yo waiting at a pre booked table for him. I knew he would do it and I found that I actually didn't give a shit. I was done that eve and left a few months later.

I chose far far better the next time around.

Mammyofasuperbaby · 22/05/2021 18:01

We had a long on and off relationship and after out last break up he was stringing me along bit also unloading all his mental health problems on me. He'd tell me that his life wasn't worth living and he wants to kill himself ect (still alive 5 years later Hmm)
I'd started talking to a guy from work and he was supporting me through the hell my ex was putting me through. When my ex started mocking this guy because he was kind and honest, I'd had enough and blocked ex on everything.
Soon after me and the guy from work started dating and 5 years later we are married with 2 children's and blissfully happy. Ex on the other hand is single, drug addicted and sofa surfing.

Georgyporky · 22/05/2021 18:05

10 year old son yelling at him "leave my mum alone" when I was being attacked. DS was then punched to the ground & kicked in the head.
I called the police, & the nice PC made exH a cup of tea.

Final straw.

GypsyWanderer · 22/05/2021 18:05

When he said he was too busy to be with me during my c-section. This was a month after he told me he couldn’t stay home with me when I thought my mum was dying of a brain tumour because he had made plans with his mates. 7 years full of that crap but him not being there for the birth of his own baby because he had ‘stuff to do’ was the icing on the cake for me.

PuddyMuddles4 · 22/05/2021 18:07

So so many things, but the crunch came when my 4-year old DD told her dad to "stop shouting at mommy and being so angry with her all the time". That, coupled with my other DD (4) starting to abuse me also, as that's how she learned from daddy that mommy should be treated.

I did the Freedom Programme and left him.

Gucci1961 · 22/05/2021 18:09

Yeh @PuddyMuddles4 I left with a 4 year old and a 1 year old, and I sometimes think, if I hadn't had the courage to leave, all three of them would be being horrible to me now. :-(

MintyCedric · 22/05/2021 18:11

When I begged him to tell me why he was giving me the cold shoulder after nearly a week of not being spoken to and he threatened to throw the 18 x 12 x 3 inch butchers block chopping board he was drying if I didn't 'shut the fuck up'.

Consolidated by taking my then 11yo DD to the GP for counselling support as she was beginning to become aware of how bad things were between us.

The lovely lady GP asked to speak to her on her own, then me and told me that if she didn't know I was already planning to leave she would have to consider reporting our situation as a safeguarding concern.

We were 6 months on from.the chopping board incident at that point (had been getting my ducks in row)...after that we were out within weeks.

thepeopleversuswork · 22/05/2021 18:12

When he packed in a decent FT job without consulting me first (we had a two year old and I was struggling with my job) to "start my own business" and then demanded I give him five grand to start said business. Oh, and threatened to burn the house down if I didn't do what he said.

It was death by a thousand cuts and there were tons of other things but that was the point of no return.

Rejoiningperson · 22/05/2021 18:15

Similar story. Ex left me in a huff and took the car home from our holiday house. Leaving me stranded with our 1 year old with no car.

It wasn’t even the worst argument, I think it was because I was massively sleep deprived (baby very bad sleeper) and he snored loudly so I asked him to sleep on the couch the first night. He was so incensed he left the next morning. It was me who organised the holiday, me who paid for it. He had not been pulling his weight in any way, baby, work, finances, housework...

And so when he stormed off I just thought. Bloody hell. I really cannot do this anymore! I’ve got a demanding job, a demanding baby, mortgage, no supportive family near. I can’t cope with a baby husband too. So I left and never regretted it.