I knew my relationship was over when.........

[Itwasoverwhen]

We went camping, there was a huge storm, he packed up his car and left me with 3 children, a huge tent to take down and everything still to pack in the lashing rain and wind because 'his stuff was packed'. I was still there an hour later and a man from a neighbouring tent couldn't even believe he had gone and just left me to struggle on my own.

Your turn...

When after a reunion at his after He'd come back from a six month posting in Belize, we went to stay at his brother's in Edinburgh (who I'd never met) and he gave me the silent treatment for no reason from the moment we got off the train. It was excruciating. His poor brother and girlfriend were also really embarrassed by his behaviour. We were meant to stay three days, and after the second night I got up early, hoping to leave unnoticed. His brother was in the kitchen and I asked him to let his brother know to never contact me again, and that no one treats me like that. I was so angry I was shaking. His brother was lovely, and said that my ex was a real shit for how he'd behaved. We'd been together nearly three years, and he'd missed my 21st birthday when he was in Belize. I left behind his massively over the top, expensive present (he'd always been a bit of a love bomber, fond of lavish gifts, and empty gestures) with a note to give it to the next mug. I walked out into a sunny Edinburgh morning feeling so free!

When he was drunk (again),I "dared" to come downstairs to get a book. Next thing I knew,I was on the floor literally seeing stars,with a painful ribcage (cracked rib), after trying to strangle and suffocate me,he then threw my phone at me and told me "go on,phone the police,I dare you" So I did.

That wasn't the first time he'd attacked me,but sure as hell was the last.

I should have left when he beat me up more than once ( including when I was pregnant), or when he banned me from wearing anything remotely fitting or nice, or when he didnt come home and admitted to sleeping with an ex. The final straw was when he took our 11 week old baby after he had beaten me up and told me I would never see him again.

I have full custody, he was the one who chose not to see DS again, remarried and wonder why on earth I put up with it

DH f**d his secretary and she phoned me to let me know.
Cue bin bags with all his stuff in on the lawn when he came home.😫
Now ex DH of course.🙄

My friend had called me as she was having a MC. She was alone and needed me. He told me if I was ever in that situation he'd want me to be alone too and I'd only be in the situation because he'd cause it by beating me black and blue until I had a MC too. I left that night and never went back. He died a couple of years later and I can't say I shed a tear.

Purplewithred Very nicely put. Same thing happened to me...twice

@FuzzyPuffling I hope you got the police involved

Itwasoverwhen did you have a thread about that a few years ago? I remember it because it was so awful, but that wasn't an isolated incident by any means. So glad you got out.

He’d previously told me several times how he’d get away with my murder and that our kids wouldn’t miss me or remember me. It was the way he kept looking at me. I can’t describe the looks but I’m literally shuddering at the thought. I kept thinking that he was planning it for real as
I pulled away from him. He might not have been planing my murder but I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving my kids and them thinking I’d just abandoned them with him. That’s what gave me the courage to leave. The reason I was pulling away was I turned 30 and was so fucking depressed at the idea of spending my 30s with him after all of my 20s with him.

He said "you say you love me, but you clearly don't. If you really loved me you wouldn't have left this crease in this sleeve when you ironed my shirt."

NCd because some on here know my regular Username.

Met my first husband in 1974 when I was 19. Lived together for 3.5 blissful years, got married in 1977…. which was when it all started to go wrong.

Husband was very good looking and was in a moderately successful rock band…so not short of admirers 🙄.

By 1981 marriage was Rocky so we decided on a ‘honeymoon holiday’ to try and get the magic back.

On the plane we got chatting to 2 girls who were staying at our hotel. Within a couple of days one got sick and went home and the other one, Sue (I’ll call her that because that was her name 😂) latched on to us.

Around the start of the 2nd week things were going well….lots of sex, very loving with each other. One evening we were having a great time drinking with some people we’d met and Sue. Now, Sue had made no secret of her interest in my husband. He and I went to the bar to get a round and I said to him ‘Sue makes it so obvious she fancies you’ and out of the blue he said ‘Yes, so why don’t you fuck off so I can see if I get some’ 😳😳.

He had never said anything like that to me ever! It was like a different person. I was so shocked I walked back to the table said I had a bad stomach and went back to our room with my head high. Got into the room and fell into a million pieces. He came back a couple of hours later and admitted that they’d had sex but said he hadn’t enjoyed it (poor boy 🙄).

I knew at that point that I was beyond the point of no return. Finished the holiday and we went home. We carried on living together and being quite good friends but both seeing other people until we both found new long term partners.

After putting up with on and off cocaine binges and him cheating on me on the regular he left me one New Year’s Eve to celebrate it in Bristol (100 miles away) with a friend and his girlfriend (yeh right) never spoke to him again and blocked all contact. Luckily I was young and still living at my parents.. I will never ever let a guy mess me around again.. my current DP is salt of the earth.

When he graciously came home on a Monday morning after a weekend bender to ‘look after’ his pre-school daughter while I went to work as per. He stood at the bottom of the stairs shouting at our 5 yo ds when ds asked where mummy was twice in two minutes. He had a hangover and launched a sarcastic tirade on a 5 yo.

I told him to leave that day and I packed his stuff the same night.

Clarity came when he did this to the dc. He’d been an abusive, unfaithful shit to me for years.

He hasn’t bothered to see the dc for 8 years since that day, which is the only good thing he has ever done for them.

It should've ended when he said 'The Story of O' corrupted him. He wrapped his hands round my throat in an argument then did the same with a smirk when we had sex. And later had the nerve to say he hadn't done or said these things.

He punched me so hard he broke his own hand/wrist in 2 places, sat in A&E he asked me what we were going to tell everyone.
Not once concerned for me.
Arsehole

When he hit me in the face when pregnant with our youngest.

@BigusBumus

When I came home from an overseas exhibition where I had organised the stand and all our company's events for it, leaving him to look after our 2 yo for 3 nights. I came in at 9pm, I was buzzing that it had been such a success and he barely looked round at me. He was watching a film and at the end of it he went to bed.

My now DH would've had a G&T waiting for me and would have turned the TV off and asked me all about how it went.

It's the jealousy. Their inner belief that no-one else should succeed or do well, so as to take attention away from them. I regard jealousy as a top 5 sign of an abusive individual.

...we went on holiday with his family and he spent most of it flirting with a friend of his mum's and didn't trouble to hide it. During the holiday it came out during an argument over his flirting that I was having treatment for depression and his only response was 'I can't believe you've hit me with this.' The final nail in the coffin was me becoming tearful during said holiday (in a quiet/relatively private moment - I know, holiday party pooper but I was in a really bad place at the time, and I had managed to mask it for most of the trip until that point) and all he did was sit there poking my arm saying 'Stop it! Stop it! They'll see! They'll see! Stop it!'

For me that was the moment when I lost all interest in making it work. It hadn't been working for at least a year, I'd been trying (foolishly) to change as he had me brainwashed I was the whole problem, but that holiday truly opened my eyes to how the future would look if I stayed.

In case I'm coming off as hard work here, let me just point out that this guy was constantly on at me to lose weight (I wasn't super-slim, but not fat either), wear more revealing clothes, shave my pubes, be more domesticated, 'think less' (WTAF?!)... be more like his friends' wives, basically, and he never quite managed to hide the fact that he'd really have preferred to be with a petite giggly blonde domesticated slip of a thing who wasn't taller than him, wasn't into politics and didn't have as many tiresome opinions as I did. He used to rant and rave any time I wasn't as tidy around the house as he expected, too. So I think you'll be able to see why I was depressed.

How many of you had children with these awful DHs? When you left did he pursue contact with them? What is he like with your children when he has them alone? I’m terrified of leaving my children with mine.

When he was arrested for assaulting me.

When he started going to BDSM clubs, sex clubs and dogging and wearing rubber catsuit in public. That was the end. Twat.

When I woke up after passing out drunk to see him wiping my privates after helping himself to the goods.

When I couldn’t get hold of him on his phone, so I called him at work and was told by one of his colleagues that he was out for lunch with his girlfriend and he’d return my call when he got back.

I was his wife and in labour, hence why I called.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

So glad for you, Baby. I have 3 children. We were married, we had a good marriage, we loved each other, had a house, great, stable jobs - careers. He was 34 and I was 30. We'd gone back and forth for 2 years, counselling, the works. It's why I'm so vehement on here, if he says no kids, believe him! You need to move on. It was extremely painful, we had to divorce, sell the house, etc.

He never did have children, he meant it. He had a vasectomy. We're still friends, 21 years later (yes, my DH knows, has even met him).

Gosh we are twins! I did my IVF with my new partner the same time the exH was getting his vasectomy.

We were 10 years married, 32 and 33. On good terms now and he's happy for me that I have my son- and that it's not his.

I think he would have been a good father if it had worked those years of trying. His partner, on the other hand, actively hates children. I'm so, so glad we didn't have a kid, then split up and she'd be the stepmother!

When, during lockdown, I had to go to work and (for the one and only time during lockdown) I asked him to do homeschooling for our 10 yr old DD. It was world book day and every morning she zoomed her class and was so looking forward to showing them her outfit. It was a vampire and I had done her make up before I left for work. She was so very excited, but couldn't get zoom to work and I know he wouldn't have put himself out to help. Then to top it all he took a picture of her distressed, sad face and posted it on the family WhatsApp group finding it funny. Broke my heart. Knew he was a shit father anyway, but that did it for me. Still here atm, but am planning my get away.