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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by peoples lack of motivation in life?

223 replies

Mindfulmummy1 · 25/04/2021 22:18

I am a single parent and live alone with my 3 yr old, I have recently moved to a new neighbourhood in a nice area (through a local housing association).

I'm working extremely hard and have managed to make a big step up in a career I've been pursuing for a very long time. I am very ambitious but I am very hard on myself too.

I understand that not everybody wants the same things in life, but am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at the lack of motivation people have for life in general? Everybody around me is unemployed, living on benefits, would rather spend their whole weekend drinking. I don't know if my opinions are unpopular, but everybody around me seems to be so lazy, has no drive, no ambitions etc., What is wrong with people?

I want to give my child the best possible life, every weekend were up and out early and exploring. Does anybody else see this constantly around themselves?

OP posts:
Mehoooole · 25/04/2021 22:20

You do you.

1122bucklemyshoe · 25/04/2021 22:22

Good for you?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 25/04/2021 22:22

Such a busy life, but you still find time to judge others.

Truly motivational ❤

Love51 · 25/04/2021 22:23

People might just be motivated to do different things to you?

How do you live in a nice area where everyone is unemployed?
Also, Covid and lockdown. People are getting in a years worth of BBQs in a month, and most indoor socialising is forbidden, so your neighbours are more "in your face" than usual.

enjoyingscience · 25/04/2021 22:24

There isn’t one version of life that is ‘correct’

UhtredRagnarson · 25/04/2021 22:24

I’m struggling to see how this affects you. Perhaps I’m just not motivated enough.

HalzTangz · 25/04/2021 22:26

There's some with drive and ambition and some that don't.
My Stance on this, focus on your own life, And let others choose how-to live theirs.
Why would you be bothered if some one else lacks ambition

SeaTurtles92 · 25/04/2021 22:28

Okay but what if someone judged you for having a HA/council house?

Glad you're all smug. You never truly know what someone could be going through.

What if I said to you if you work even harder you should have your own property and not rent off the council? Wouldn't sit well with you would it.
I'd never judge like that but that's exactly how you are being.

turnthebiglightoff · 25/04/2021 22:29

You sound swell, OP. How do you have time to judge when you're up and out early?

WorkPhobic · 25/04/2021 22:29

I have a three year old too and I'd also like to give my child the best possible life but surely the definition of "best possible life" varies from person to person? We might have completely different ideas about what that means.

Original poster
Mindfulmummy1 · 25/04/2021 22:30

I just don't understand why people haven't got drive and motivation.

It doesn't affect me as such but when I'm working hard every day its quite demoralising to see the majority of people around me don't work and don't have any outlook

OP posts:
Ravenspeckingearly · 25/04/2021 22:31

Read the book ‘Fuck it’ OP. On one level I agree with you, BUT, everyone is different and copes with life differently. It’s ok not to be ambitious. Everyone’s ‘I want the best for my child’ is different. For some that means a private school with an eye on oxbridge, for others it means homeschooling and taking over the family run takeaway. I’d agree that choosing to live off benefits isn’t a good life choice, but perhaps it’s all they know and have no human in their lives to advise or show them that life could be different.

MadamMaltesers · 25/04/2021 22:31

cant say i have noticed

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 25/04/2021 22:32

I know what you mean. I never used to give how others live a second thought but since working from home full times especially now lockdown in lifting, my unemployed neighbours seem to be in the garden all day and night with guests having fun and making noise while I'm chained to the dining room table and working all day.

ZoeMaye · 25/04/2021 22:32

Sounds like you judge yourself and others harshly. Now that your career is where you want it to be, maybe you could try doing some volunteer work, reading, study and taking to people around you to find out more about their motivations and what you can learn from them? Try to find the thing that 'lights them up' the thing they are passionate about. It might help you to find some common ground and empathy for the other people around you, to make you feel more loved and accepted in your life and community, and you might find you judge yourself less harshly too. Some counselling could be beneficial as well, to learn to accept and love yourself, and to help build your self esteem so that instead of making yourself feel bigger by putting others down , instead you can make yourself feel Better by bigging people up.

audweb · 25/04/2021 22:33

You do you. I live in a council flat, single parent - in a really decent job with plenty of prospects. I see it all in my neighbourhood - those who clearly work their asses off in low paying shift work, others who don’t work at all.

Just focus on yourself and your kid. I’m not friends with the people in my neighbourhood who spend their lives on drink or drugs. Just find a circle of people that fit with you and leave others to live their own life.

Also, there but for the grace of god - my work background gives me enough understanding to know that life is not easy for everyone, and those who may seem to have no motivation are maybe dealing with circumstances that we can’t even imagine.

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2021 22:34

I am very ambitious and very hard on myself

You're the one doing it wrong Thanks

All that rushing, all that self criticism ...

I spend my days with people running and rushing and pushing - and burning out and exhausted and overwhelmed

Try to be less hard on yourself - find a middle way where you're not sat around doing fuck all but also not rushing every minute

FindingMeno · 25/04/2021 22:35

If you're happy, do what you're doing.
Don't expect everyone else to or think they're less than you.
I have no drive or motivation to work harder to get things I don't want or need.
I have lots of drive and motivation for things I'm enthusiastic about.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/04/2021 22:35

I'd understand your frustration if it was someone close to you and you had first hand knowledge of them being lazy.
I get that. I've an extremely motivated Dsis and one whose so unmotivated and needs it badly.
But your neighbours? Who knows what they are up to, they could wfh.

Howshouldibehave · 25/04/2021 22:36

Everybody around me is unemployed, living on benefits, would rather spend their whole weekend drinking. I don't know if my opinions are unpopular, but everybody around me seems to be so lazy, has no drive, no ambitions etc., What is wrong with people?

I don’t know anyone like this. Pretty much everyone I know has a job and works hard.

None of them are judgemental like you though.

Sarahlou63 · 25/04/2021 22:37

Self believe, hard work and ambition for a better life for you and your child are all great qualities, but please don't let them overshadow other - less obvious - qualities such as empathy, social awareness, curiosity and self love. Being 'hard on yourself' may cause you to become hardened to the needs of others. Find a balance and appreciate some down time occasionally. Your child will thank you for it.

pedalbin · 25/04/2021 22:37

I am definitely an inherently lazy person who lacks drive and motivation. I don't know if you'd call it a personality trait or a character flaw. I'm not at all competitive about anything which i think must be a similar trait to lack of ambition. I can't explain it.. it's not who i want to be but it seems to be who i am. I'm very lucky that my husband has a great job but I'd be fucked otherwise. Before i had kids i always worked.. since the age of 15 and often two jobs: things like working in shops or pubs. Jobs that were going nowhere.

I can see how it's frustrating when you're working so hard, i suspect some people are annoyed at me for landing on my feet money wise without much effort on my part.

doitwithlove · 25/04/2021 22:38

Open your eyes and smell the coffee "sweet-cheeks" has it occurred to you that lots of people myself included have lost there jobs in the pandemic.

How I wish I had a
HA/Council house instead of having a mortgage to pay on a job seeker allowance.

Original poster
Mindfulmummy1 · 25/04/2021 22:38

I am not for one minute saying my life is perfect, I am not judging anybody as I rent a council house yes its in a lovely area and is a brand new build. As a single parent I have struggled tremendously (and still do) but I keep pushing through. I have done lots of self development over the past year (as I came from a bad place - so I am definitely not judging anyone) but I am just curious as to why attitudes and outlooks are generally, on the whole quite negative towards careers, and their futures etc.

OP posts:
VodselForDinner · 25/04/2021 22:39

Careful, OP, a lot of people wouldn’t see a single mother living in social housing as a beacon of ambition.

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