AIBU to be annoyed by peoples lack of motivation in life?

[Mindfulmummy1]

I am a single parent and live alone with my 3 yr old, I have recently moved to a new neighbourhood in a nice area (through a local housing association).

I'm working extremely hard and have managed to make a big step up in a career I've been pursuing for a very long time. I am very ambitious but I am very hard on myself too.

I understand that not everybody wants the same things in life, but am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at the lack of motivation people have for life in general? Everybody around me is unemployed, living on benefits, would rather spend their whole weekend drinking. I don't know if my opinions are unpopular, but everybody around me seems to be so lazy, has no drive, no ambitions etc., What is wrong with people?

I want to give my child the best possible life, every weekend were up and out early and exploring. Does anybody else see this constantly around themselves?

OP I'm a little confused as on your previous thread you say your dd is 3 not 5 or do you have 2 dds
anyway I don't think you should live in a HA owned glass house and also throw stones

I feel sorry for you too. Single mother living in subsidised housing, desperately trying to convince yourself you're living the dream. You don't know your neighbours, their circumstances, their struggles.

Concentrate on getting yourself happy. Everything else fades into obscurity then.

I was that person, high flying job etc, that you strive to be. I had always been told that's what you aim for. Unfortunately it wasn't good for me and I suffered a mental health crisis. I have never been able to receive the support required to help me return to work effectively and ten years later I sit here, at home, a failure in your terms.

There are all sorts of reasons why someone may lack motivation. If their most basic needs aren’t met for example. There may be social problems, poverty, unemployment, disability, domestic abuse etc that means a person is in survival mode and therefore cannot achieve their full potential. Also carrying significant trauma from childhood can have such an impact. You may be looking at others from a place of privilege if you are unable to understand this.

I have recently moved to a new neighbourhood in a nice area (through a local housing association).

Everybody around me is unemployed, living on benefits, would rather spend their whole weekend drinking. I don't know if my opinions are unpopular, but everybody around me seems to be so lazy, has no drive, no ambitions etc., What is wrong with people?

How do all of these lazy people afford to live in this nice area? You talk as though it’s everyone in the area not just an odd one here and there?

Who knows. Who cares. Just worry about yourself, your ambitions and your own family.

@Cam2020

I live in such a place. And I couldn't care less what other people are doing. I don't care who chooses not to work, it's a shit lifestyle and not one I'd want.

When the neighbours feral child took an actual shit in our front garden, we did somewhat give a shit, funnily enough.

That's got nothing to do with the subject of the post though.

@fruitcakeflydude

a leg up to what exactly?

If someone thinks their life is ideal , well balanced and happy, why on earth would they strive to give their children a leg up to a worse way of living ?

I question the use of the word 'worse'. It betrays your small mindset. Why is more 'worse'?

I'm finding it hard to believe that in this "nice area" every single person doesnt work and sits around drinking all day despite there being "lots of opportunities" but they're apparently all too lazy to do anything. According to OP her entire neughbourhood is like this? Ppl could be WFH, doing shift work, caring for kids or relatives etc. You don't know unless you've gone round and interviewed them all (which would be weird)

The media suggested on 'self-made millionaires' has a lot of survivor bias in it - for every one of those, there will be many who tried as hard and didn't make it, people who are working harder in lower compensated work that provides more value on a social if not financial level. There will also be those who are quite a bit less self made than they put out there or is put out there by those who want to perpetuate the idea that there are no barriers other than motivation. Honestly, I think motivation is a crock of shite -- it isn't motivation that gets people in these places, it's dedication and luck.

If you've years of rejections behind you, it can be hard to keep trying again. I know people who after ill health took over 8 years to be able to find a job again - that took dedication. I also know others who years out of work, most with either a working partner or other family getting benefit top-ups, focus more on volunteering, doing things in their community, that's where they put their dedication when the on-going rejection and looking at job adverts feeling how pointless it is and how out of date has just worn them down.

If you're in a community where everyone publically drinks (enough to know everyone else is doing it all weekend) and has particular ideas around work, it's easy to fall into that. It's often in an area where getting work or support to improve is difficult. We don't really have systems that support people making themselves better - adult education in many areas is naff especially once 30+ when the 'young adult' support dries up - so that 'motivation' dries up, and there is nothing to hang dedication on.

This month, I completed on a house. If you'd asked me a decade ago when my youngest was 3, I'd have told you that I'd given up on wanting to buying a house. I was too ill, can't buy anything on my spouse's receptionist salary, and really I felt fine with that - I lived in that house a dozen years. Things have changed, but it was never about whether I was motivated enough, it was getting the right support and being part of a community that allowed us to get the finances together and be willing to take risks.

Must be great looking down on others OP. Why not use that judgemental negative energy and help/support others or focus on your own life?

You're obviously not happy to be so judgemental of others. This post says a lot about you.

YABU to post an AIBU post in the chat section

It's all relative, though isn't it? Someone on a much higher salary than yours with a bigger house that they'd bought themselves might judge your situation. Doesn't seem very nice does it?

Congratulation on your new house BiBabbles

You are being unreasonable yes, mainly because their lack of motivation doesn't affect you and is none of your business.

would rather spend their whole weekend drinking

How could you possibly know that?

Lots of rich people spend the whole weekend drinking.

Is there a difference between own brand cider and champagne?

Was going to write a reply, OP, but realised I can’t be bothered. Lazy y’see.

And very, very drunk

'Must be great looking down on others OP. Why not use that judgemental negative energy and help/support others or focus on your own life?'

Well the same could be said about you 'looking down on the op'. Why not use your 'judgemental negative energy to focus on your own life' .

Or, why not accept like you we are allowed to voice our opinions.

Don't judge people's choices. You don't know what choices they had to choose from.

Oh OP I think it's very noble of you asking for people to educate your curiosity.

I think most people would be dreaming much higher than depending on council/public subsided housing.

If you're that perturbed by your neighbours why don't you motivate yourself towards owning your own home perhaps?

People might judge you for being a single parent and living in subsidised housing.

@Viviennemary

People might judge you for being a single parent and living in subsidised housing.

And being so judgemental

Ok, ok. I wasn't going to bite. I truly wasn't. But I'm obviously lacking in the moral fibre to stop myself so here goes.

I think your post is deliberately goady.
I think you are deliberately trying to wind both sides of this fake "wondering" up.
I think, as pointed out, there are clear inconsistencies between this post and at least one previous post as another suspicious MNer pointed out upthread.
MN is a place of support, advice, friendship so am I to assume that you are looking for the above with regards to your opinion?

I cannot believe you do not realise that all babies are not born into equal chances, equal opportunities, equal love, equal nurturing both in childhood and in life.

I cannot believe that you really feel so small-minded and are so insular in your understanding of the world and your outlook that you cannot comprehend how others do not want to use your blueprint for life.

I think this thread is goady. I think if you are genuine then you need to stop living with head in the sand and spend time with people who have experienced long term illnesses, all forms of abuse, disability, the burden of being a carer for someone and what that will do for the carer's own life.
I hope you go away and educate yourself. I hope you have the motivation to stop being so naive, discriminatory and offensive.
I've reported this thread as I think it's very hurtful for many people and I hope that others can see this thread for what it truly is : the first throw in a discriminatory bun fight.