AIBU to be annoyed by peoples lack of motivation in life?

[Mindfulmummy1]

I am a single parent and live alone with my 3 yr old, I have recently moved to a new neighbourhood in a nice area (through a local housing association).

I'm working extremely hard and have managed to make a big step up in a career I've been pursuing for a very long time. I am very ambitious but I am very hard on myself too.

I understand that not everybody wants the same things in life, but am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at the lack of motivation people have for life in general? Everybody around me is unemployed, living on benefits, would rather spend their whole weekend drinking. I don't know if my opinions are unpopular, but everybody around me seems to be so lazy, has no drive, no ambitions etc., What is wrong with people?

I want to give my child the best possible life, every weekend were up and out early and exploring. Does anybody else see this constantly around themselves?

@wingsnthat I have not defined what my profession is for you to measure my success

@RiverSkater no I do not walk the neighbourhood with a smirk on my face, I do not think I am better than anybody else. I simply want to understand why people dont strive to better for themselves when theres opportunities everywhere.

as I came from a bad place - so I am definitely not judging anyone. Then how can you not see that they may well be coming from a worse place?

@LinenBundle because when I speak to people theres always an excuse. Everybody cannot be a victim of their circumstance.

I think that people are not all born with ironclad mental and emotional resilience in the same way that we are not all born with the sprinting ability of Bolt.

Humans have adapted over many years of evolution to accept harsh living conditions so it’s not surprising that they can be content, or at least put up with with circumstances that to others might seem inadequate.
We are only a few generations from the time of Dickens.
People can be happy with very little, and even if they are unhappy, it can be very difficult for them to conceive of a different way of living if this is all they’ve known all their lives, or if they have had a lot of adverse events in life that make them feel defeated.

How do you have the time to notice all this stuff @Mindfulmummy1 if you are so busy ?

[quote Mindfulmummy1]@LinenBundle because when I speak to people theres always an excuse. Everybody cannot be a victim of their circumstance.[/quote]
But how do you know that they're where they are because of lack of motivation, or laziness?
I'm currently in a minimum wage job, I made a calculated decision to get out of an industry that's at best downsizing it's staff - especially ones who are paid a fair amount, and at worst going down the shitter completely for some businesses.
I don't want to be in this situation, I'm back in a field where my training is outdated and I'm having to do it all again to progress to the level I left at.
Haven't advertised that fact to the locality, so how would anyone - such as you - know what motivation I have or lack?

"I simply want to understand why people dont strive to better for themselves when theres opportunities everywhere."

Define "better" OP.

What is "better"? A bigger house? More possessions? A job that pays more money? Is that what you consider to be "better"?

Maybe for some people, a "better" life is one where they get to spend more time with their loved ones, where they're not working long hours every day to pay a mortgage on a house that's bigger than they need.

For others, better is being able to get through the days and enjoy life, without being crushed by depression and other mental health issues.

We all have our own definition of a best life.

My inlaws moved overseas because they want a life in the sun and we haven't seen them for a couple of years. For me, that wouldn't be a better life as I want my family around me. On my deathbed I want to know that I enjoyed spending time with people I love, and that I didn't miss out on opportunities because I was too busy working hard.

I have two autistic DC, one with significantly high needs. What I thought was a "better' life looks very different now than before they were born.

Better is not a universal concept.

And just for reference - I work and I have my own home, so I'm not defending myself here from your disdain. I just really dislike your suggestion that other people's lives aren't good enough and that they should do "better".

OP, your self-motivation and drive is admirable in the face of adversity.

Lots of people rushing to make excuses for others. I understand what you mean, with the hundreds of caveats that your OP would have needed to take into account all the reasons listed for being unambitious.

I think it is partly cultural. Brits seem to tend to wallow. Americans celebrate people with get up and go far more.

I do not think I am better than anybody else. I simply want to understand why people dont strive to better for themselves when theres opportunities everywhere.

But your version of "better" isn't shared by everyone, OP.

Why does it bother you that not everyone shares your world view? It would be really depressing if we were all carbon cutouts of each other.

Ok, the housing association place, great that you got one. In my area they are like gold dust, the only time my dad got one was when he had a letter from the GP to say he had a terminal illness. Most social housing is privately owned, by landlords who rent it back to the HA at market rates and taxes pay the shortfall. Taxes should fund DS social housing, unfortunately that money is not being reinvested into building more, but going into landlords pockets. Landlords who don’t really give a crap about poor housing conditions, mild that makes you sick. Or maybe you will get put up in an emergency hostel miles away from your family and support network.

Frankly OP, compared to very many people who work full time to cover private rent, you are working part time and able to cover your rent and outgoings with your wages so you are not actually struggling. Many people around you are, why not have a bit of imagination and compassion? A dead set blinkered view of others will not do your daughter any favours, god forbid she decide to head down a different path to you and not be lucky enough to receive the leg ups you have. Stop wasting time listening to podcast about self made millionaires who have exploited others to get to where they are, there are many more interesting people in the world who aspire to more than money.

Single parent, two young children, little to no qualifications surely you can see why this may be a bleak outlook for many? It’s not as simple as ‘working hard’ when the only jobs you can get are minimum wage/zero hours/need flexibility every day of the week. I can totally see why people stay in the bubble of being on Universal Credit and knowing their rent will be paid that month

I must admit I don't necessarily think mindful is appropriate. Unfortunately your post comes over less mindful and more like showing off. Not everyone is as wonderful as you. It's always worth bearing in mind that luck, good bad or lack of it, makes a huge difference as well. Consider yourself hard working and lucky I'm glad you're doing well, especially after a horrid relationship. No need for comparisons though.

I think it is partly cultural. Brits seem to tend to wallow. Americans celebrate people with get up and go far more.

They also bankrupt their citizens who are unfortunate enough to get sick.

That’s a bit like people judging you for being w single parent when your child is only 3, no?

We don’t know why, so we shouldn’t judge. How do you feel if I said I was judging you for that?

[quote Mindfulmummy1]@RiverSkater no I do not walk the neighbourhood with a smirk on my face, I do not think I am better than anybody else. I simply want to understand why people dont strive to better for themselves when theres opportunities everywhere.[/quote]
Then read the rest of my post and consider that not everybody is like you.

Again. I ask you. Do you know what individual struggles people have? Unless you do get off your sanctimonious high horse otherwise, go read the Daily Mail, plenty of people in there who think like you.

Everybody around me is unemployed, living on benefits, would rather spend their whole weekend drinking

This doesn’t really add up-

If everybody around you is unemployed and has nothing to do during the week, why wait to the weekend to socialise with drinks?

Unless they are all in some sort of rehab facility Monday - Friday?

OP you sound totally envious of those who are happier than you with less than you.

I'd be one of those unambitious people you look down on. I'm happy on minimum wage, glad there is a minimum wage in fact, as someone with no prospects I feel lucky for it's existence. My ambitions are to take the best care of my health that I'm able to, to spend time with people I like, to do activities I enjoy, to keep my home clean and tidy, to stay out of debt. If I'm doing those things then I'm glad to be alive and part of this world. I'm a naturally happy person I suppose. Work is a necessity not something for me to be ambitious about. I've actually quit jobs in the past because an employer has tried to decide my ambitions (and therefore my life) for me and promoted me against my wishes to a position unsuited to my personality.

Also, when you ask people things, they might not always be telling you the truth. I don't tell people the ins and outs of my personal circumstances because it's none of their business and, should they happen to be as judgemental as you are, I couldn't care less what they think of me so I feel no need to justify myself. Depending on their assumptions I've been judged as a posh lazy cow, a drug addict, a waster on benefits, a single mother milking the system, mad for being a shift worker when other options exist, and probably many other things I don't know about. Whatever they think, I let them think it. I'm not going to go around educating people on my circumstances and explaining how I got here. Because what they think doesn't matter to me. So don't assume that you know someone just because you've spoken to them and asked a few questions. They might just be saying whatever is necessary to get you to wander off elsewhere with your social pressure and leave them to get on with their lives. It's always blindingly obvious to me when someone is being nosy or judgemental, regardless of how subtle and casual they think they're being.

The answer to "why don't people want to do xyz?" is because people are different.

[quote Mindfulmummy1]@wingsnthat I teach my child very good values, and spend a lot of quality time together. But like any parent alongside her happiness, I do teach her to follow her dreams and to have ambition and guide her on the right path to fuel her purpose and passion in life. Theres defintley nothing wrong with that[/quote]
You are judging other people.

Here's the attention you ordered OP 🎁

Can't say I've ever came across a 'nice area' where everyone's unemployed and spends their whole weekend drinking. Sounds like a rough area tbh.

YABU you sound awful.

Also struggling to picture a "nice area" where everyone is unemployed and drinks all weekend .

How do you even know what your neighbours do all day? Surely you are too busy either working or taking your daughter on adventures to notice?

How do you know that they aren't working from home? Or does everyone sit outside their front garden drinking beer in your neighbourhood

Tbh you sound like a bit of a curtain twitcher OP.

Gave up a good job, comfortable salary and a nice flat in a secluded area to return to education. Huge culture shock to live on one of the most notorious sink council estates in the city while I was doing my various degrees. Neighbours, none of whom paid any rent, who used to go out begging on top of their benefit. Some of them I became quite friendly with on a superficial level and just accepted them for what they were. We did not understand one anothers lives or ambitions. Ships that passed in the night.

I now live on a nice leafy surburban estate and see less of my neighbours than I did on that council estate. At my age (70s) I do my own thing now and neighbouring is not one of them. Ships that pass in the night.

I hate to wish bad luck on any one but I wonder how smug you would be if you suddenly lost your job or had an accident or got sick or a pandemic struck??

@Mindfulmummy1
Unfortunately op, yes and it’s rubbish

You have to focus really hard on your life goals and ignore the noise.

The posters who have made fun if you are likely to be the losers you have noticed around you.