Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by peoples lack of motivation in life?

223 replies

Mindfulmummy1 · 25/04/2021 22:18

I am a single parent and live alone with my 3 yr old, I have recently moved to a new neighbourhood in a nice area (through a local housing association).

I'm working extremely hard and have managed to make a big step up in a career I've been pursuing for a very long time. I am very ambitious but I am very hard on myself too.

I understand that not everybody wants the same things in life, but am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at the lack of motivation people have for life in general? Everybody around me is unemployed, living on benefits, would rather spend their whole weekend drinking. I don't know if my opinions are unpopular, but everybody around me seems to be so lazy, has no drive, no ambitions etc., What is wrong with people?

I want to give my child the best possible life, every weekend were up and out early and exploring. Does anybody else see this constantly around themselves?

OP posts:
ghostmouse · 26/04/2021 07:18

23:01TashieWoo

Clearly not so ambitious when you got knocked up in an unstable relationship... also my taxes are paying for your accommodation so don’t be so smug until you are self sufficient!

How do you work that one out?? I also live in a council house. I pay full rent as me and dp both work..we get no housing benefit nor council tax rebate and both pay taxes ourselves.
If you are one of those bleating about feckless council scroungers then you couldn't be far wrong. The council/housing ha are just landlords same as a private landlord just on the other side.
There's still a lot of ignorance flying about social housing and those tenants who work full time and pay tax the same as you

grapewine · 26/04/2021 07:20

Imagine being so happy that judging to this degree is what you choose to do with your time.

Charming, OP. Perhaps just focus on your own life.

19thNamechange · 26/04/2021 07:23

@enjoyingscience

There isn’t one version of life that is ‘correct’
This should be written across the sky.
harknesswitch · 26/04/2021 07:25

People are motivated by different things. It's not necessarily drive and motivation

For some it's not working that's the goal, some it's to have kids, others it's to have a good career. Others prefer to plod. There's no right answer, if we all had 'drive and motivation' we'd be in a right mess.

planplan · 26/04/2021 07:27

Why don't you motivate yourself to move somewhere more motivated?

Maybe if you're doing so very well you should buy yourself a big house in a posh area and leave the HA property for the 'poor'.

Beefcurtains79 · 26/04/2021 07:30

Where do people live where they are paying the same in rent to the council as they would be to a private landlord? That’s crazy.

Checkingout811 · 26/04/2021 07:31

So you work part time, are a single parent and live in a council house, tell lies online yet go around judging others. There is nothing wrong with any of those first 3 things I’ve just mentioned but I would tread very carefully OP, you’re not perfect.

HighlandCowbag · 26/04/2021 07:38

I sort of get what you are saying OP. Some peoples lives are small, they do the same or similar jobs, or don't work. There social life is small with the same people with the same outlook. They live in a small area and don't travel far from it. There dreams and ambitions are small.

But that's fine, it's their life after all. Sometimes a small life is all a person can manage for various reasons. A lot of times it's all they want and need. When I was younger I judged. Now I'm older I don't because life is a cunt that grinds down hope and small is also safe, not much can go wrong. Of course not much can go right but people like the security of small.

And fwiw, I was a single parent as well working hard to make mine and my dcs world bigger.

HighlandCowbag · 26/04/2021 07:38

*their x2 not there Confused

FleshLiabilities · 26/04/2021 07:39

Why is ambition a good thing in and of itself?

Why should everyone be ambitious?

Do you think ambition is an innate characteristic of all humans?

DelBocaVista · 26/04/2021 07:48

But, after watching a lot of talks/listening to podcasts a vast majority of these people who are 'self-made millionaires'/top of their careers have been through homelessness, poverty, abuse, bad childhoods but have managed to get to where they are now.

These tend to be exception rather than the rule.
You need to understand the impact of generations of disadvantage before you judge.

OnTheBrink1 · 26/04/2021 07:54

@Mindfulmummy1

I am a single parent and live alone with my 3 yr old, I have recently moved to a new neighbourhood in a nice area (through a local housing association).

I'm working extremely hard and have managed to make a big step up in a career I've been pursuing for a very long time. I am very ambitious but I am very hard on myself too.

I understand that not everybody wants the same things in life, but am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at the lack of motivation people have for life in general? Everybody around me is unemployed, living on benefits, would rather spend their whole weekend drinking. I don't know if my opinions are unpopular, but everybody around me seems to be so lazy, has no drive, no ambitions etc., What is wrong with people?

I want to give my child the best possible life, every weekend were up and out early and exploring. Does anybody else see this constantly around themselves?

OP I can see both sides to what you are saying: One the one hand- yes it does make me wonder too. I know so many people (some who are on Benefits and some who are in fairly well laid jobs) who are just so lazy and unmotivated. The ones with jobs hardly do anything at all outside working hours (which are at home now) and all weekend slob on the sofa and their kids are playing games mostly. One family is really fairly obese but talk about weight all the time and worrying about getting ill from it, and I do wonder why they don’t move more esp at weekends. One mum I am friends with hardly knows any local areas or attractions despite having kids ranging from 7-16! I wouldn’t say it annoys me as it doesn’t affect me but I do think it’s strange/

On the other hand: we don’t know everyone’s lives and the reasons they do things or why they are like they are. I mean if I’m being harsh and judging you (this is only hypothetical obviously!) I could say that I don’t agree with you working all the time and not being well the your 3 year old - leaving her / him to a nursery or childminder would not be my choice at all and I can’t ever imagine doing that at 3 all week.
I could also judge and say why are you single? Judge you for that- not picking the right life partner to have kids with? Maybe you had a child before your relationship was secure, maybe you didn’t use adequate birth control and got pregnant whilst not in a relationship. Two parents are more secure and can give more than one and so really is being a single parent giving a child the best start in life?
But obviously that would be crazy because I don’t know all of your circumstances so it could be any reason! It’s the same with many people living around you- you don’t know their circumstances so could be many reasons they are like this.
Judge not yet ye be judged!!

grapewine · 26/04/2021 07:55

@Checkingout811

So you work part time, are a single parent and live in a council house, tell lies online yet go around judging others. There is nothing wrong with any of those first 3 things I’ve just mentioned but I would tread very carefully OP, you’re not perfect.
Quite.
BertieBotts · 26/04/2021 08:02

You don't seem that interested in understanding, lots of people have given interesting explanations and explorations of the various issues yet you think these are "excuses".

That's an interesting word. Excuse in that context generally means a lie that somebody tells in order to get out of something they don't want to do.

So why not think about why they wouldn't want to do the thing? Or maybe the "excuse" is valid.

Port1aCastis · 26/04/2021 08:06

Exactly

MistsofAvalon · 26/04/2021 08:23

Just to add that renting from a council or HA is a very different prospect to renting privately.

Not only the much cheaper rent, even if you're paying full rent without housing benefit, but the security it offers. As long as you pay your rent and aren't antisocial you have a lifelong, secure tenancy. Social housing is subsidised - not sure why some PPs are saying it's the same as any renting scenario- it's not.

Private renters do not have any long term security and can be at the mercy of very lax and greedy landlords (not all LLs, I know).

It would be life changing to me if I had that kind of security but no chance of getting social housing where I live.

Off topic I suppose but just wanted to say this as there is such a marked difference in renting privately and a few people here don't seem to realise this.

Horehound · 26/04/2021 08:26

I don't think people can just choose not to work and claim a life on benefits, can they?
That seems very judgemental

Meowchickameowmeow · 26/04/2021 08:27

Congratulations on being better than every other person you know, good job OP good job.

bunglebee · 26/04/2021 08:30

If anyone is genuinely wondering about what a poverty of opportunity and money can do to the mindset because it's outside their experience, I found the book "Random Family" by Adrian Nicole LeBlanc hugely instructive.

Meowchickameowmeow · 26/04/2021 08:42

So, is your child 5 or 3 then?

ghostmouse · 26/04/2021 08:51

30Beefcurtains79

Where do people live where they are paying the same in rent to the council as they would be to a private landlord? That’s crazy.

My council rent for my houseis the highest in our Borough. So much so the council were told to freeze my rent increase and wait for other rents to catch up. There was a time that a 3 bed private rent was cheaper than my particular council rent..its caught up now but I'm still paying around the same for a 3 bed private rent.

I'm not the only one in my area either.

Vooga · 26/04/2021 08:53

I think maybe if you're surrounded by people who don't work it has maybe overinflated you're sense of smugness at your achievement. I don't know anyone who doesn't work and lives off benefits. It is the norm to work. Everyone I know does unless they're a SAHM and their husbands earn the money.

TheVampiresWife · 26/04/2021 08:55

I am definitely not judging anyone

Hmm
Beefcurtains79 · 26/04/2021 09:04

Why are you lying about your child’s age?

Beefcurtains79 · 26/04/2021 09:06

Ghostmouse that’s mad! What part of the country/council is that?

Swipe left for the next trending thread