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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by peoples lack of motivation in life?

223 replies

Mindfulmummy1 · 25/04/2021 22:18

I am a single parent and live alone with my 3 yr old, I have recently moved to a new neighbourhood in a nice area (through a local housing association).

I'm working extremely hard and have managed to make a big step up in a career I've been pursuing for a very long time. I am very ambitious but I am very hard on myself too.

I understand that not everybody wants the same things in life, but am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at the lack of motivation people have for life in general? Everybody around me is unemployed, living on benefits, would rather spend their whole weekend drinking. I don't know if my opinions are unpopular, but everybody around me seems to be so lazy, has no drive, no ambitions etc., What is wrong with people?

I want to give my child the best possible life, every weekend were up and out early and exploring. Does anybody else see this constantly around themselves?

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 26/04/2021 04:17

But like any parent alongside her happiness, I do teach her to follow her dreams and to have ambition and guide her on the right path to fuel her purpose and passion in life.

What? To a 3 year old?

Embracingthechaos · 26/04/2021 04:52

Surround yourself with more like minded people. It makes the world of difference.

I struggle to think of anyone I know who I'd describe as lazy or unmotivated.

It's up to you who you spend your time with.

PiccalilliChilli · 26/04/2021 04:55

I was aspirational, motivated and worked hard right up to my mental breakdown. My priorities have now obviously changed.

CrumpetyTea · 26/04/2021 05:26

Different people want and value different things- you need to understand that.
I've always been career driven and on balance that works for me but other people do things differently- i'd actually think a less stress full life , trying to succeed and more appreciating what you've got would be lovely. You get caught on the hamster wheel of work and actually i think its brave not to get on or to choose to get off

Travelledtheworld · 26/04/2021 05:40

@Mindfulmummy1
I understand your feelings. I think they just have very limited life experiences and nothing to aspire to. So they take what's available and make the most of it. YUNBU

Sweetener12 · 26/04/2021 05:48

You do you, that's it. It's great you live the life you want, keep it up!

CutieBear · 26/04/2021 05:59

Many people have lost their jobs due to the country going into lockdown after lockdown. If you’re busy at work then how do you know what the neighbours are doing during the day? Maybe some of them are desperate for work, but struggling to find a job.

I do agree that most adults (unless they have certain disabilities) that have never worked are lazy and should be in work. Someone mentioned MH issues like depression getting the way... I know people who have worked/studied all their adult lives despite battling depression and thoughts of suicide. Thankfully they recovered, but they say staying at home all day would’ve made their condition worse.

springblossom2 · 26/04/2021 06:07

@ZoeMaye - very eloquent post with a lot of insight. I'd never thought about it like that.

YouJustDoYou · 26/04/2021 06:26

my friend had a mum like you. She resented her for always putting her career first, because she (my friend) just got left behind whilst her mum went after her career and "being successful", when all my friend wanted was for someone to just be there for her sometimes.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 26/04/2021 06:30

YABU. Concentrate on your own life and stop being so concerned about what others are doing.

beginningoftheend · 26/04/2021 06:37

@Mindfulmummy1

I am not for one minute saying my life is perfect, I am not judging anybody as I rent a council house yes its in a lovely area and is a brand new build. As a single parent I have struggled tremendously (and still do) but I keep pushing through. I have done lots of self development over the past year (as I came from a bad place - so I am definitely not judging anyone) but I am just curious as to why attitudes and outlooks are generally, on the whole quite negative towards careers, and their futures etc.
Sorry to be blunt but you absolutely are judging people!

I think yabu to do so.

Francescaisstressed · 26/04/2021 06:37

Reasons why people may not have the same motivation as you? Mental health issues, disabities, money issues, different views on what a meaningful life is. The list goes on.

Mandalay246 · 26/04/2021 06:40

The posters who have made fun if you are likely to be the losers you have noticed around you.

Charming. How do you define a 'loser'? What gives you the right to call anyone at all a 'loser'? You sound like the sort of person I would run a mile from tbh.

springblossom2 · 26/04/2021 06:42

I do agree that most adults (unless they have certain disabilities) that have never worked are lazy and should be in work. Someone mentioned MH issues like depression getting the way... I know people who have worked/studied all their adult lives despite battling depression and thoughts of suicide. Thankfully they recovered, but they say staying at home all day would’ve made their condition worse.

There are a myriad of mental health conditions. For instance if someone has social anxiety and/or agoraphobia alongside with depression, they might well be 'staying at home all day'

Have some imagination and empathy - things are not always crystal clear. Also - which are the disabilities that are allowed for the adults that are unable to work full time?

dragonsmoke · 26/04/2021 06:46

You need to move to a better area.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 26/04/2021 06:53

[quote Ladywinesalot]@Mindfulmummy1
Unfortunately op, yes and it’s rubbish

You have to focus really hard on your life goals and ignore the noise.

The posters who have made fun if you are likely to be the losers you have noticed around you.[/quote]
I highly doubt that. And who do you think you are calling people "losers?"

Shrivelled · 26/04/2021 06:53

You can’t judge a man before you walk a mile in his shoes.

Many people who don’t work have very good reasons. Just because they’re not apparent to you, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. I would assume someone who didn’t work and drank all day had some quite serious problems. The idea that people on benefits are unmotivated is such a common stereotype, I’m surprised you’ve written this post.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 26/04/2021 06:58

OP, people have explained to you why not everyone has drive and ambition, there are many complex reasons. But you are refusing to acknowledge any of them. So don't act all innocent and that you're just "curious", you just want to judge and look down on people. If you are so happy with your own life you wouldn't care what others are doing. It sounds like you've got a chip on your shoulder about being a single parent in a HA and are desperate to prove you're not like the other people in your neighbourhood. Insecurity.

Cam2020 · 26/04/2021 07:04

It would annoy me, assuming the people are choosing not to work, school dropouts, single mothers who barely knew their babies' fathers and no intention of working to support their families. We should not be expected to find other people's lifestyle choices (through working our arses off).

I suspect the people judging you have never lived in such a place. It's like being an extra in Shameless.

IHateCoronavirus · 26/04/2021 07:05

We are all different, we have different life experiences, different values, different priorities and expectations. Who are any of us to say that our choices are better or more worthy than anyone else’s?

Have I met my full potential? No not at all, deliberately, because life taught me to want something different.

I was raised by very aspirational parents. They wanted the big house, new cars etc and so worked all of the hours in the day, pressured us to do the same, shamed us if we didn’t out perform everyone else, and punished us if we distracted them from their work, did anything which would make our family look anything less than perfect.

In contrast, my friend’s mum worked part time in a supermarket so that her life could fit around her daughter. I spent nearly all of my time there because their home was such a happy one. Guess which one I tried to emulate when I became a mother?

As soon as my children were here, I worked around them (our choice) but luckily for us by that point we had enough to own a three bed terrace in London, which later became a five bed detached in NW. Am I judging you for living in housing which is subsidised by the tax payer whilst you choose to work part time and therefore earn less? No! So please stop judging others, unless your own ‘perfection’ is guaranteed.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 26/04/2021 07:06

[quote Mindfulmummy1]@YouokHun I'm not sure what an MLM is? No one not listening to any of those dodgy podcasts, I've listened to those in my field around me, who have taken a long time (most of their professional lives) to get to where they are.

Listen, I'm happy with my life, I have great family and great friends, a busy social life at the weekends, I work part time so I have quality time with my DD. Theres nothing wrong with being hungry and passionate for the career that I am in. I am a single parent so do have to work twice as hard, I want to show my DD that she too can follow their dreams. So many people seem to get offended and call this 'big headed', but I've built my self esteem and I am happy where I am and also where I am headed.[/quote]

OP, do you get housing benefit and other means-related benefits to support you and your daughter seeing as you only work part-time?

waterlego · 26/04/2021 07:09

It would annoy me, assuming the people are choosing not to work, school dropouts, single mothers who barely knew their babies' fathers and no intention of working to support their families.

Key word there is ‘assuming’. Making assumptions about people you don’t know rarely goes well.

Pongo101 · 26/04/2021 07:11

AIBU to be annoyed at peoples lack of motivation to stay married? Does anyone else see this everywhere? Loads of children being raised by single mums who couldn't put their children's needs first and put more work into their marriage? In my day we used to fix things that were broken. I've managed to stay married, why can't they

I obviously don't believe any of that but you see where I'm going don't you?

Waferbiscuit · 26/04/2021 07:12

OP there is a poverty of ambition in many places in the UK there is no doubt and there is a culture of state reliance here which is much more pervasive than in other countries which no doubt fuels the aforementioned poverty of ambition.

However the reasons for the above are complex and to some degree institutional. In the end what can you do about it? Getting worked up about it or shaming people def won't change it.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 26/04/2021 07:17

@Cam2020

It would annoy me, assuming the people are choosing not to work, school dropouts, single mothers who barely knew their babies' fathers and no intention of working to support their families. We should not be expected to find other people's lifestyle choices (through working our arses off).

I suspect the people judging you have never lived in such a place. It's like being an extra in Shameless.

I live in such a place. And I couldn't care less what other people are doing. I don't care who chooses not to work, it's a shit lifestyle and not one I'd want.