AIBU to be annoyed by peoples lack of motivation in life?

[Mindfulmummy1]

I am a single parent and live alone with my 3 yr old, I have recently moved to a new neighbourhood in a nice area (through a local housing association).

I'm working extremely hard and have managed to make a big step up in a career I've been pursuing for a very long time. I am very ambitious but I am very hard on myself too.

I understand that not everybody wants the same things in life, but am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at the lack of motivation people have for life in general? Everybody around me is unemployed, living on benefits, would rather spend their whole weekend drinking. I don't know if my opinions are unpopular, but everybody around me seems to be so lazy, has no drive, no ambitions etc., What is wrong with people?

I want to give my child the best possible life, every weekend were up and out early and exploring. Does anybody else see this constantly around themselves?

Where do people live where they are paying the same in rent to the council as they would be to a private landlord?

I do (large northern city). In fact the privately owned flats exactly like mine in the same building have lower rents.

OP you are judging and be careful as you are also being judged.
Nobody is perfect!

I used to live on a council estate, it was mostly 50% bought and 50% council, from memory everyone (other than the retired folk) worked, everyone, even those in the 50% council bracket (shocking i know OP).

Granted they were low paid jobs likes supermarkets, hairdressers, bus driver etc but they all worked, and were proud of their jobs. There were some SAHP but usually their partner worked instead.

Lucky you.

Unpaid carer here. Chronic underachiever in part because of that. Also a single mother. I wouldn’t judge because from the outside I look just like those

‘unemployed, living on benefits.... seems to be so lazy, has no drive, no ambitions etc.’

I want more than anything to be anywhere else but here but it’s shitty attitudes like yours that breed like gremlins and stop people actually wanting to put the financial support into people like us. I’m talking respite, mental health funding, actual decent scholarships or reduced tuition fees for people who have had to give up career plans to be unpaid carers for 5-10yrs plus.

Want me to be motivated? Show me that giving up my career was worth it with a way out when I’m longer needed as an unpaid carer but deemed worthless and can’t find any work other than minimum wage, zero hours contracts despite my huge range of skills because of being an unpaid carer. I’m worth more than this OP and your judgy attitude.

OP, I feel like the subtext of your post is not that you’re judging others for being less ambitious, but that you are relentlessly harsh on yourself and would perhaps like to be able to take the pressure off, as you perceive these people have done. Almost like you’re saying ‘I’m miserable running myself into the ground in order to prove myself, why isn’t everyone else too?’ If you were really happy with your own situation and life choices, other people’s wouldn’t bother you at all. So if I were you, I’d start there.

As an aside, of course, you can’t possibly know why people lack ambition. They could be trauma survivors, just trying to cope with life, they could have had very bad luck with their health, they may have chronically low self esteem, they may have undiagnosed learning difficulties and were left behind at school. You just don’t know.

@EveningOverRooftops

Lucky you.

Unpaid carer here. Chronic underachiever in part because of that. Also a single mother. I wouldn’t judge because from the outside I look just like those

‘unemployed, living on benefits.... seems to be so lazy, has no drive, no ambitions etc.’

I want more than anything to be anywhere else but here but it’s shitty attitudes like yours that breed like gremlins and stop people actually wanting to put the financial support into people like us. I’m talking respite, mental health funding, actual decent scholarships or reduced tuition fees for people who have had to give up career plans to be unpaid carers for 5-10yrs plus.

Want me to be motivated? Show me that giving up my career was worth it with a way out when I’m longer needed as an unpaid carer but deemed worthless and can’t find any work other than minimum wage, zero hours contracts despite my huge range of skills because of being an unpaid carer. I’m worth more than this OP and your judgy attitude.

Brilliant post.

So you've never had to take a "hand out"? Ever? Just because you're out of that (still in a HA house ) does not mean you can judge people. I have never, ever had a hand out in my life, grew up in poverty etc but I've also never judged anyone who has.

I couldn't care less what other people do or want to do with their lives. And I am not ambitious about work at all.

As long as people are content just let them be

@EveningOverRooftops You're dead right life and circumstances get in the way, lack of foresight and supportive actions from government bodies.

@IceSwallowCome

Here's the attention you ordered OP 🎁

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Are you sure some of them don't work nights? I have a few neighbours who are around during the day, but some work nightshift at the local hospital and warehouses.

You ok hun?

I mean, you’re a single Mother living in a council house so I don’t think you have room to judge others given how harshly judged other women in your situation are...

I live in such a place. And I couldn't care less what other people are doing. I don't care who chooses not to work, it's a shit lifestyle and not one I'd want.

When the neighbours feral child took an actual shit in our front garden, we did somewhat give a shit, funnily enough.

Op I worry for your child’s future given how judgmental you are (and you definitely are judgmental by the way!)
Life happens and everyone including your offspring is different to you.

I pray you won’t pass your narrow mindedness onto your child!

You’re imagining all these wasters and deadbeats not taking advantage of all of life’s many opportunities when you actually have no idea if those opportunities exist for those who you judge and indeed, why those people are living the way they are (or the way you choose to perceive them to be )

Time to wise up!

All this ambition and motivation op, what have you actually achieved so far?

If you really want to model the best life for your daughter to enable her to be happy, OP, then try to emulate people who are not busybodies.

You sound horribly judgemental, without knowledge or purpose. Not a good look.

@Mindfulmummy1

I am not for one minute saying my life is perfect, I am not judging anybody as I rent a council house yes its in a lovely area and is a brand new build. As a single parent I have struggled tremendously (and still do) but I keep pushing through. I have done lots of self development over the past year (as I came from a bad place - so I am definitely not judging anyone) but I am just curious as to why attitudes and outlooks are generally, on the whole quite negative towards careers, and their futures etc.

because everyone is different?

good on you though. but less judgement will make you happier i’m sure

[quote Mindfulmummy1]@Carbara I'm not dependant on others to 'fund' me as I am financially independent now.[/quote]
You're in social housing, you are subbed by taxpayers.

Fair attempt at whipping up bile against benefit claimants OP. 7/10, room for improvement.

@HighlandCowbag

I sort of get what you are saying OP. Some peoples lives are small, they do the same or similar jobs, or don't work. There social life is small with the same people with the same outlook. They live in a small area and don't travel far from it. There dreams and ambitions are small.

But that's fine, it's their life after all. Sometimes a small life is all a person can manage for various reasons. A lot of times it's all they want and need. When I was younger I judged. Now I'm older I don't because life is a cunt that grinds down hope and small is also safe, not much can go wrong. Of course not much can go right but people like the security of small.

And fwiw, I was a single parent as well working hard to make mine and my dcs world bigger.

I agree with this.

For those who choose a small life, they are also in a way choosing a small life for their dcs. As a parent, I understand the motivation to want to work hard and give their dcs a leg up.

a leg up to what exactly?

If someone thinks their life is ideal , well balanced and happy, why on earth would they strive to give their children a leg up to a worse way of living ?

I admire your ambition, and hope you become very successful. But this isn’t true:

I'm not dependant on others to 'fund' me as I am financially independent now.

Council houses are heavily subsidised. Could you afford to privately rent your house? I’m guessing not. So you are in fact financially dependent on the housing association.

Maybe having a roof over their head and having money in their pockets to feed their families and have a drink at the weekend feels like the top of the ladder to those people. You don't know where they came from so their version of success is different to yours. I lived on the streets and having a council house and having time to read books I like and do things like yoga is like luxury to me. Yes I would like to move to a different area eventually because there can be a bit of drama here but I'm not gonna make myself burnout chasing a career to do it. I'd rather be happy and relaxed and be able to give my little girl love and attention.

You sound really unhappy with your lot, OP. Happy people don't need to look down on others. I'm sorry for you.