Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

If you are one of three children...

209 replies

Onetwo3456 · 28/03/2021 09:45

...do you feel you had the attention and resources you needed from your parents, and are you glad to have your siblings or not?

OP posts:
Shamoo · 28/03/2021 09:47

100% yes!

skeggycaggy · 28/03/2021 09:47

Yes, totally.

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/03/2021 09:52

I never understood why they had three. They had one of each already.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Purplecatshopaholic · 28/03/2021 09:53

Ps how my mother coped with three close in age with absolutely no help I have no idea. I didn’t feel lacking in resources or attention in any way though.

AllTheCakes · 28/03/2021 09:54

No. As the oldest I completely resented having two siblings. There was never enough money or space at home, let alone attention from parents, so I can’t understand why my parents continued to have my siblings.

theworks · 28/03/2021 09:55

Yes and my siblings would agree

dropthedeadhorse · 28/03/2021 09:56

Yes and yes. But my parents earned a lot of money so we all had everything we could have needed, a bedroom each, and my mum was a sahm for a few years when we were little. I can see why limited money and time might make children resentful of each other.

Hoorayhenryyah · 28/03/2021 09:57

Yes on both counts, tho I never knew any different so really have nothing to compare it to...

BaggoMcoys · 28/03/2021 09:58

I'm the eldest of three. There wasn't a big age gap between any of us - I'm 4 years older than my youngest sibling - but I feel too much responsibility was placed on me as the oldest child.

againandagainoncemore · 28/03/2021 09:59

Yes. Youngest of 3.

Coppercreek1 · 28/03/2021 09:59

I am 1 of 3, my partner is 1 of 3 and we have 3 children.

We had intended to stop at 2, the 3rd was a surprise.

We both don't have too many grumbles about being 1 of 3 but found 2 always get on better and the 3rd always feels left out. On days out and rides and things one child (normally the eldest) doesn't get to have someone with them.

We have found having 3 hard. Life seems to be built for 2 parents and 2 children (hotel rooms, holidays, family passes etc)

But we are glad we had a 3rd. Our middle child is severely disabled and I'm glad the other 2 get to experience a normal siblings relationship

itsgettingwierd · 28/03/2021 09:59

Time and resources - yes.

Did I love being the eldest of 3? - no!

But that's because I was quiet and passive and expected to behave as the eldest and was the eldest sibling to a stripping loud mouthed bully of a sister and a brother who was youngest and only boy.

So for me it was the dynamics which can be controlled.

Plumedenom · 28/03/2021 10:00

Yep. Never ever felt hard done by, and I was the middle child. We weren't rolling in money, but I never felt I suffered because of being one of three.

Roonerspismed · 28/03/2021 10:01

This is interesting as I am one of three and also have three

I didn’t. Unhappy marriage and struggling parents and mum saw me as the kid doing “ok” and I was left to get on with it. I’m very independent but have issues from it.

I have three and am hugely aware of it. I try to give special time to each but am also guilty of giving less to the ones I worry about less.

But overall I love coming from three siblings and having three

bootlebum · 28/03/2021 10:01

I am glad to have my siblings but I found being the quiet 'good' middle child just meant I was neglected. My emotional needs were certainly not met.

TeaAddict235 · 28/03/2021 10:03

@AllTheCakes

No. As the oldest I completely resented having two siblings. There was never enough money or space at home, let alone attention from parents, so I can’t understand why my parents continued to have my siblings.
The sentiments you express are often written about and often proven in sibling studies; that the first born often resents the arrival of subsequent siblings as they receive less attention unfortunately and act as a pseudo parent.

I was one of 3 and the middle child. I would have liked more time and attention personally. There was everything needed and we were blessed, but even now, time with my parents is at the cost of my big sister sucking all that they have I ain't bitter

Dizzy1234 · 28/03/2021 10:04

No.
There was an element of competition too.
They didn't have enough money, time or patience.
One child became the outsider, me.
As an adult my sisters are my biggest enemies, in our 50s now and they will still ostracise me, talk about me behind my back, tell lies to my elderly mum, even try to get my DC on their "side" we are very LC now as I won't put up with it.

broccolibush · 28/03/2021 10:04

No. The youngest was treated very differently from us older ones (and there isn’t a significant age gap - in fact it’s smaller than the one between the older sibs). We were sent away to school, they stayed at home with our parents; we were not given financial help as adults, they have been given lots etc.

We were not close with the third as children/teens and we barely have anything to do with each other as adults, though the older two of us speak regularly. I don’t know that it would have been any different had we not been three as I don’t remember life before they came along. Maybe there would have been differences in treatment with us older two. Maybe we’re a horribly dysfunctional family. But the third child was treated so differently - is treated so differently - that I can’t say I am glad for them and the bandwidth they take up from my parents (both as a child and as an adult)

saggybaps · 28/03/2021 10:05

No, it didn’t work at all. Two eldest went to grandparents every/ most weekend. I think both my parents worked, so at weekends they couldn’t deal with 3. My parents didn’t create harmony between us either, so now we don’t get on at all.

Kerberos · 28/03/2021 10:05

Yep I'm one of three and have 3 myself.

When my youngest sister was born apparently i was cross about all the attention she got but i don't remember it. Now my sisters are my ultimate backstop for all things even though we live miles apart. We chat, share pics, meet up. I hope my children are as close as we are when they're older.

underneaththeash · 28/03/2021 10:05

Yes, definitely and we all get along really well too.

I have 3 children myself as well

Trisolaris · 28/03/2021 10:05

I like being one of three. I’m the middle child and the youngest is much younger though and I’m glad about that as I think it would have been much more hectic and difficult if we were all small children together. Instead, my parents had more money and we were much more independent and loved having a little one around.

MaverickDanger · 28/03/2021 10:08

Resources yes, time no. I personally was quite a needy child (and probably adult) so would have benefitted from more attention.

In my parents’ case, the issue wasn’t time spent on siblings (although my dad spent every Sunday ferrying my brother to football games) but time spent on work. My mum easily spent 60/70 hours at work & as a teacher, I resented that she was spending time with or on other children. Especially at weekends when they would flock around her if we went into town etc.

ssd · 28/03/2021 10:09

I wish I'd been an only child.
All of my deep seated negative feelings are from my older siblings.

malaboi · 28/03/2021 10:20

yep, love being 1 of 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread