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Original poster

If you are one of three children...

209 replies

Onetwo3456 · 28/03/2021 09:45

...do you feel you had the attention and resources you needed from your parents, and are you glad to have your siblings or not?

OP posts:
BobbinThreadbare123 · 28/03/2021 21:23

There were 2 of us for a very long time, then the third appeared. I'm the oldest and so became de facto babysitter/second mother. Very draining as a teenager tbh. The middle one became very resentful of stepping into that role when I left home and hasn't forgiven me since. The baby had a significantly different upbringing because there was more money around so hobbies etc were allowed, unlike for me and no. 2. I have no children and nor does no. 3. Speaks volumes!

Midlifelady · 28/03/2021 21:31

I'm the middle of three. Yes I felt I got enough love and attention. Now my parents are dead and I'm super glad I have my siblings. We are all very different and they live in another country, but we have a shared history and try and get together every other Christmas and once in between. We know we can count on each other.
A good friend was youngest of five and says that though she felt loved, she felt that she was left on her own a lot and got away with not brushing her teeth for a year...

Midlifelady · 28/03/2021 21:32

Just to add your sibling relationship growing up is not always the same when adults. My stepsons fought constantly but ended up sharing a house in their early 20s and are great friends now (30s).

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FlipFlapFlop1980 · 28/03/2021 21:38

I'm the middle of 3 and there was a 5 year gap before my younger sibling arrived. It didn't go down too well with me! Especially when my Mum made it clear he was the favourite!

However, he's now my best friend and I wouldn't swap him for the world. I'm so glad my parents had him.

I have two children a year apart. I wanted a third child close in age to the other two but my other half didn't so we stuck at 2. With hindsight, it was a good decision as they are so close and a third might have upset the apple cart. But, as adults, I think it's nice to have more than one sibling.

FlipFlapFlop1980 · 28/03/2021 21:39

My other half is one of three and he doesn't get along with his older sibling and only talks to his youngest sibling a few times a year, even though they get on.

HereLiveIAmNotACat · 28/03/2021 21:41

As a child no.
As adults we are really close and I’m so glad we have each other

DiscordandRhyme · 28/03/2021 21:42

Yes but I was quite a bit younger than my sisters.

Haydenjaydenokayden · 28/03/2021 21:45

Was fine. I'm the eldest and complete fav child, probably due to the fact I make effort towards my mum (dad died when I was 12). My siblings are selfish and not very nice people though.

Purplesparkle34 · 28/03/2021 21:46

Yes. My parents were (and still are) amazing and I loved growing up with a sister and a brother.
I always thought I wanted 3, but after having my second a month ago I’ve changed my mind. I don’t think I’d cope with 3! Makes me really admire my mum!

noideabutstilltrying · 28/03/2021 21:47

I'm the middle child. Older sister, younger brother.

Sister is daddy's girl and my brother the much longed for son. I was the disappointment 😏.

There was always one left out.

I didn't like being the middle child at all. No attention from my parents. They both worked long hours. I could have money but not their time or attention.

It's spilled over into adulthood. My sisters children are the first grandchildren and were spoilt for that reason. My brothers children are able to do and have what they want in my parents eyes. My children have been missed out in a way.

I have 2 children my siblings both have 3.

I'm now a lone parent but ensure that I do things with both children and listen to both children.

OverByYer · 28/03/2021 21:48

Eldest of 3. Everything geared towards family of 4. I stopped at 2 as a result

Daisy829 · 28/03/2021 21:49

Yes. Middle child here. Not close to my older sibling but v close to my younger. Parents relationship is complicated due to divorce but I’m close to them both & feel supported.

Daisy829 · 28/03/2021 21:50

Having said that...one of my siblings definitely takes more from my parents than the others & is higher maintenance.

Justcashnosweets · 28/03/2021 21:54

I'm the eldest of 3, and if I'm honest, until I was in my late teens, I really resented having siblings. For no other reason than they infringed on my peace and quiet. They were both annoying to me for very different reasons. However, as an adult, one sibling is my best friend, and I still have a fairly good relationship with the other. I never felt I missed out on attention or love from my parents, I just wanted a quiet life 😊

LifesLittleDeciders · 28/03/2021 21:59

I no have a lot of middle child syndrome and especially in my teenage years there was noticeable favouritism for my DB (eldest, first born) and my DSis(youngest.. cutest?!)

We laugh about it now, but as a kid I did get massively frustrated at the lack of attention I think as I acted out a fair bit and was always angry that my brother never got in trouble for anything (whether he did them or not!)

It’s the reason I’m stopping at 2. I can’t ever imagine myself having 3+ children, ever.

Teakind · 28/03/2021 22:02

Some of these replies are really sad. It sounds like a lot of the issues stem from not enough money or disinterested parents.

I’m one of three and am still very close to my siblings. I’m very lucky that my parents are wonderful and we were financially comfortable growing up. I always think of my siblings and I as a team.

I’m pregnant with my third and some of these replies have made me a little nervous! I’ll be sure to try and balance the attention and make them all feel special.

Giantrooster · 28/03/2021 22:05

I'm the youngest of three sisters with an age gap of almost ten years. I had a privileged upbringing with lots of attention. My stance is that if you have dc with a big age gap do get them in pairs Smile. My sisters were very close in age and more sisters so to speak. I was effectively an only child from around age 7.

Had a good relationship with my late eldest sister. Middel sister not so much, she felt sandwiched in and has been vocally jealoux all my life, we now talk occasionally but that's it.

Coachee · 28/03/2021 22:06

I’m the eldest of three and I adore my siblings.
My parents couldn’t afford three kids. My dad checked out (affair) after my sister was born and my childhood was pretty lacking in terms of parental support. I had to work (paper rounds then retail) from 11 as they couldn’t afford pocket money. Still wouldn’t change it though. Have one DD myself and going through a hellish time trying for a second as I can’t imagine life without a sibling bond. Luckily we have the resources and the secure marriage to hopefully make it work better than my parents did. Also would never have three kids myself.

thenewduchessofhastings · 28/03/2021 22:10

I'm the eldest;my brothers are 7 and 10 years younger than me.I love them both beyond words and we have always been and still are really close but my parents were very selfish and used and abused me as a free nanny and housekeeper.

No ten year old should ever be forced to wash,sterilise and make up bottles and change shit filled nappies.No 13 year should be regular left with a 6 year along with a 3 year with additional needs.No 18 year old with a full time job should be told their not allowed to do evening shifts at their waitressing job in order to provide childcare for their parents social life.

I packed my stuff and moved into a shared house at 18.The only thing they had to say when I moved out (I didn't tell them I was going as they'd try to force me to stay for their own selfish reasons) was I still going to look after my brothers when they went away for the weekend they had booked for themselves and forced me to book annual leave so I could be their free nanny again.

diamondpony80 · 28/03/2021 22:10

Yes and yes. My parents were reasonably well off, my mum worked from home so had a lot of time for us. I wasn’t always happy to have a 2nd sibling though. My 1st sibling came along quite soon after me and we were very close. The last one came quite a few years later, and was a young child while I was a teenager so we had little in common. We’re all close now though even though we all live quite far from each other and don’t see each other that much.

HairyToity · 28/03/2021 22:11

Yes absolutely.

Chimeraforce · 28/03/2021 22:15

No. There wasn't enough money. I hated sharing a room with my sister as my brother got his own room as the boy.
Got on well with my brother, butter rivalry with my sister. No money for trips abroad, trendy clothes etc. Despite this, I had a happy childhood but often wished I was an only or one of 2 like friends who had nice clothes, own rooms.

BiBabbles · 28/03/2021 22:17

No. I don't think was because there were three of us, though I think that exasperated things. I also didn't when I was only child in the house with either parent.

The culture and parenting norms around my family were a big part of it, and them reacting to that and their parents rather than a resource issue.

My father's family is American Evangelical and he's the only one who didn't go into ministry, but he still dug into deep into his work as men were expected to do and just as he and his siblings had been left behind their parents church work was more important, so were my siblings and I. If he could have had a more balanced sense of self and not people pleased so much with his peers at the expense of his family, that would have helped. He even admits that now - that he was too focused on his colleagues and friends. He could be great when he wasn't trying to fit to meet what he thought was other's people's expectation of him.

My mother followed social norms, but spent a good deal of time complaining about them and used drugs & media to cope -- she spent a lot of time watching TV, she had a whole routine from lunch time onward. If she could have either accepted reality rather than trying to escape it all the time or just been more present and active in life, that would have helped.

BabbleBee · 28/03/2021 22:23

I’m the youngest of three, with older brothers who are 6 and 8 years older than me. I was the much tried for girl after a miscarriage and my siblings hated me for it. I was a proper little daddy’s girl when I was little and they resented that. My mum definitely preferred the middle child, he’s the golden boy, so my oldest brother fought for their attention. Of course I was oblivious to all of this until recently, when I was really thinking about our weird family dynamics. I am close to my parents but not my brothers.

BigRedDuck · 28/03/2021 22:30

I am the eldest of 3 however a six year gap between me and my brother. Alot of time was "devoted" to me as I have a disability and spent alot of time in hospital as a child/teenager, however my brother and sister are my stepdads children.
My brother and sister (2 year gap) are much closer to each other than I am to them. I am quite envious of how close they are to each other and to my parents. I am very different to them. But I love them dearly and I wouldnt be without them, and if the shoe is on the other foot they probably do feel they had less attention because I was in hospital so much.