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Original poster

If you are one of three children...

209 replies

Onetwo3456 · 28/03/2021 09:45

...do you feel you had the attention and resources you needed from your parents, and are you glad to have your siblings or not?

OP posts:
Original poster
Onetwo3456 · 28/03/2021 11:30

One of the reasons I ask the parenting style/norms question is my mum is one of two, for example, and feels that she was very much left to it because her mother felt that was the way to raise children

I am an only and was very privileged in terms of time, resources etc, although my mum is the first to admit she's not a particularly maternal person, and although I'm grateful and don't wish I'd had siblings I do wonder what it would have been like both then and now in terms of how it might have shaped my character

I'm wondering whether the extra child is the catalyst for discontent in these families in the thread or just a part of it. I suppose it depends on the family

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 28/03/2021 11:31

I love my siblings 100%, i would never want to be without them but I was the oldest and treated very differently like an inferior being and I've resented that all my life. however its not my siblings fault.
I was always the scapegoat for everything and left home the minute I could.

Echobelly · 28/03/2021 11:31

Yes, youngest of 3, very happy with attention and resources we all got.

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Original poster
Onetwo3456 · 28/03/2021 11:32

I also know one of eight and that each sibling would probably have a very different answer about whether it was a good thing or not

My DH is one of three and loved it

OP posts:
EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 28/03/2021 11:33

There was time & space for all of us growing up but I mostly preferred doing stuff on my own to spending time with my siblings. My brother (18 months younger) and I get on well now but my sister (4 years younger) & I are really close & fiercely protective of each other. We really started getting on once I’d left home.

I’m so, so thankful that our parents always made sure we had our own bedrooms, mainly because of their own experiences sharing as kids. I’d have absolutely hated not having my own space to retreat to.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/03/2021 11:33

@Purplecatshopaholic

I never understood why they had three. They had one of each already.
Do you really feel the only purpose of having kids is to have one of each type? I have 3 boys, should I keep going until I get a girl?
Nightfeedwatcher · 28/03/2021 11:35

My older sisters are my best friends now we’re all older, got teased a lot when I was younger by them though, it hasn’t done me any long term damage Grin

Happynewtier · 28/03/2021 11:37

No, didn't enjoy being the middle child of 3. Never enough time, money, and always someone having to make a compromise as it was impossible to go on a day out and keep us all happy

GreenTea70 · 28/03/2021 11:38

I have 2 older brothers, 18-24m between each of us, who were always naughty so I felt I never got much attention. No 2 was sent to boarding school age 12 and out of the 2 brothers he was the one I got on with better. No1 brother is Golden Balls, and it was unbearable without my other brother. I even wanted to board at school as the dynamic was awful, I just felt invisible. He, was horrible to me and I haven’t been NC for 13 years, I’m 50. I was never a Daddy’s girl either - he just didn’t know how to be with me and preferred my brothers, well the older one!

Everyday21 · 28/03/2021 11:39

I'm the eldest of 3, 2 younger brothers. I definitely felt left out at times and I'm a very jealous person which I think is linked (in working on it).

My feelings of being left out gave me a strong desire to have two children of the same sex. I have two amazing daughters and I'm constantly told I should try for one more as "it could be a boy" but honestly that's why I dont try for another!

My mum was a sahm and we definitely got loads of love and attention. Although with two younger brothers causing havoc I was always expected to behave and supervise

FourTeaFallOut · 28/03/2021 11:39

I never understood why they had three. They had one of each already

Because children are not football cards. You don't need to amass the set and ditch the extras.

grieving321 · 28/03/2021 11:42

You know if you asked should I have a second child the answers would also be split like this with lots of people announcing they haven't spoken to their sibling in years and don't get in at all and others would have a best friend. Some mothers will have been amazing and others unable to
Cope. There are good parents and bad parents and three children is not a big family.

RoastChickenLastsForDaysonMN · 28/03/2021 11:44

Similar to some other posters, I am the middle child of three.

I was the typical peacemaker and well-behaved, while my older and younger siblings were/ are more adventurous, risk-taking and rule breaking. My parents had to go to a lot of meetings at school about their behaviour and spent nights awake worrying when they were late home.

Looking back now, I realise that I stopped expecting any attention on me. I was quiet, didn't push the boundaries, did well at school, so I was largely left to get on with things myself. It's made me independent, but perhaps not in a good way.

I don't think having three children is a problem, as long as you appreciate and give the children equal attention, focus and love.

Remaker · 28/03/2021 11:44

Both DH and I are the youngest of three. I was definitely a wanted child but there is a four year gap between my middle sibling and myself. I didn’t have much of a relationship with either of them as a kid as we just weren’t interested in the same things and the age gap was too much. My parents were a bit sick of everything and bored by kid stuff by the time I came along so they weren’t as involved or interested in my activities.

DH was an “accident” and his parents were always stressed about money, even though they were actually quite comfortable. He missed out on a lot of opportunities that were offered to his siblings.

We only have two children as we wanted to make sure we could comfortably provide everything we wanted to give them. We have a small age gap between our kids and once our second was two I completely ruled out a third as I didn’t want a bigger gap.

Froggie456 · 28/03/2021 11:45

I'm one of three. Middle child. Loved it. I have 3 now. They are a little gang. Life is crazy and busy, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Sansaplans · 28/03/2021 11:45

Hmmm tricky. I would say no, but that wasn't neccessarily my parents fault, but one of my siblings having physical and mental issues beyond their control, and the additional care and time my parents had to spend on them- which isn't really anyone's fault I guess.

EnglishRain · 28/03/2021 11:46

No, I think three was too many.

My dad wasn't cut out to be a parent and they got divorced when I (youngest) was 14. I'm sure some families can do three or more well, but not mine.

grieving321 · 28/03/2021 11:47

Also, I have 4 children. My eldest has been spoiled and thinks she is entitled to more than everyone else by virtue of being the eldest. I suspect she will grow
Up feeling hard done by to have siblings whilst the other 3 are very close. The one nearest to her in age is constantly trying to be her friend and she rejects that friendship constantly. That is more her personality than my parenting (although we are working on it...).

GooodMythicalMorning · 28/03/2021 11:47

Triplet here. yes and no, we didn't miss out on love and attention but maybe could have done more extra curricular stuff we'd have liked like piano lessons etc or ballet that we couldnt afford. I loved having both my sisters with me though and would never wish them away for these things.

AvaAvocado · 28/03/2021 11:49

@grieving321

You know if you asked should I have a second child the answers would also be split like this with lots of people announcing they haven't spoken to their sibling in years and don't get in at all and others would have a best friend. Some mothers will have been amazing and others unable to Cope. There are good parents and bad parents and three children is not a big family.

Exactly this. Most of these anecdotes are to do with parenting style not the amount of siblings.
I'm one of three, have a DB and a DS and we had a lovely childhood, not much money but plenty of love.
We are all still in touch as adults and I'm very close with my DS.

BabyYoda · 28/03/2021 11:51

Youngest of 3 and we’re a very close family. I love having my siblings, didn’t always get on as kids in a small house but since we’ve grown up and moved out we choose to spend a lot of time together and now our kids are all very close as well.

purpleleotard · 28/03/2021 11:52

I'm the third and I have alway thought that by the time I came along, 5 year gap, my parents had lost interest in children.
The middle daughter was the gold one, receiving £100000 of gifts throughout her life and untold assistance with child care, that the other two didn't get,
Unsurprisingly I'm NC with her now.

BabyYoda · 28/03/2021 11:55

I wonder if the age gap is relevant? My siblings were 7 and 4 when I was born and I always felt really loved and doted on by them.

LindaEllen · 28/03/2021 12:03

@Purplecatshopaholic

I never understood why they had three. They had one of each already.
Because not everyone has children purely to fill the boy/girl quota, maybe? Maybe they wanted a slightly larger family? Maybe the third wasn't planned? It doesn't work like once you've had a girl or a boy you don't need another one.
FergusSingsTheBIues · 28/03/2021 12:21

The problem is the dynamics explode when you have a third and it depends on how you handle that.

If my children fight they have nobody to play with. They have to sort it out!

When my sisters fought with each other DAILY they’d then both turn towards me the I get me on side

No impetus to sort things out
No sensible or firm parental involvement
Just more hysteria and shouting

My parents didn’t help either, both fucked up narcissists who hated each other so I’m sure it can be handled fine, having three, but it was a disaster in our house.

On a more basic level, two parents, two hands to hold etc - another area where you have to be sensitive and sensible.

I have my tubes tied after my second child!

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