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Original poster

If you are one of three children...

209 replies

Onetwo3456 · 28/03/2021 09:45

...do you feel you had the attention and resources you needed from your parents, and are you glad to have your siblings or not?

OP posts:
Tamingofthehamster · 28/03/2021 15:36

Yes, but I’m the youngest. I suspect my dsis ( middle) would have had a much better time as the youngest of 2 than the middle of three when we were growing up, although we’re very close now so hopefully she still thinks it’s better that I was born🙂

VictoriaLudorum · 28/03/2021 15:38

Of course. Now our parents are dead I am very happy to have my siblings (and their spouses, children and grandchildren).

ForgedInFire · 28/03/2021 15:41

No

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Families
FourTeaFallOut · 28/03/2021 15:42

I have to decide who gets my attention as I cannot devote myself to both in every instance

But to assume that's a bad thing presupposes that having all the attention that you want at a click of the fingers is a good thing and that it serves you well in adult life. Waiting your turn is a character building skill which some kids are denied the opportunity to practice.

ForgedInFire · 28/03/2021 15:43

Pressed send by accident!

No and no. But I don't think I would have got attention and resources even as an only child because thats how my parents were. Am I glad to have my siblings? Sometimes now as an adult. Not as a child, and again I put that down to my parents and their parenting. However I have chosen to have 3 children myself.

lljkk · 28/03/2021 15:43

My siblings weren't very nice but I don't think my parents would have been better parents if they hadn't messed up my brothers first. :)

My mother was 20yr old divorcee with twins so frankly, not quite meeting their needs perfectly due to being outnumbered was something she lacked luxury to worry about.

I felt my parents weren't very kind or tolerant of me, but that wasn't anything to do with me having siblings.

My dad is 2nd eldest of 10. He is genuinely fond of all the others.

anyoldtime · 28/03/2021 15:47

Waiting your turn is a character building skill which some kids are denied the opportunity to practice.

I have to disagree with this. It’s one thing to wait your turn if eg someone else is playing on the PlayStation. It’s another if you are unable to listen to one child’s woes and worries at night because their sibling needs practical help at bedtime.
I agree if the number of children are more than the number of adults, needs of everyone cannot be met, and that includes the adult’s own needs.

StressedTired · 28/03/2021 15:49

I am the middle of three, quite close in age, GGB. I was neither oldest nor youngest, not the only one of anything, not the first nor last to do anything, I always felt a bit pointless. I was the quiet one so mostly got less parental attention which looking back caused me problems. As younger children we bickered a lot, as teenagers we found each other irritating. As adults, I'm glad I have two siblings, but as kids I found it stressful.

Saff2015 · 28/03/2021 15:52

I was the middle of three and didn’t enjoy it at all. Everything is made for 2 or 4, not 3 or 5. There was always someone missing out; seesaws, swings and toys and games. Thing like packs of food come as 4 or 2 usually so we used to watch our mum miss out on things in favour of us having them as we couldn’t afford to buy 2 “packs” and have wastage as the numbers never really added up.

Seats on planes or on buses when on holiday we’re always as 2 or 4. As well as things like tickets to theme parks or attractions; the cheap family tickets are always 2 adults and 2 children.

I also think there will usually be a divide between the siblings at some point. Youngest was definitely treated differently to the older two. The eldest had a lot more opportunities but as a middle child I had a lot more freedom than either of them and once old enough I used to spend pretty much all weekend at my friend’s houses as I had to share a room with my sister at my house.

If I had a choice I would go 2 or 4 but never stop at 3.

ShoesEverywhere · 28/03/2021 15:52

Thank you to everyone for sharing their feelings on this thread. I'm an only child and I am so grateful to read perspectives from people from larger families.

I'm miscarrying an unexpected third child right now and reading these have helped me process everything. I think I still want a third but I hope another will be a wanted and planned for third and not a contraceptive failure. Lots of food for thought to reflect on. Thank you again to all posters.

FourTeaFallOut · 28/03/2021 15:53

I've never had a child so keen to get to bed that that has ever been a problem in 14 years of child rearing. Emotional needs are met first and then life goes on.

Todaytomorrowyesterday · 28/03/2021 15:55

I’m the eldest of three as a few others mentioned a lot of responsibility was put on me :( Not a huge age gap between us all. Summer holidays meant staying in looking after younger siblings I missed out on meeting friends etc
We also didn’t have much money so was very difficult & we used to all share a room until we got a bigger council house but still meant we used to rotate having our own room (nightmare middle sister who always felt hard done by)
It shouldn’t matter how many children you have as everyone has different circumstances.

Benfoldslanded · 28/03/2021 15:56

I am one of 3 and have 3 DC myself. I loved my sisters company and still do. My DH is an only child, and was often lonely. I often thought my parents could have done things differently and felt a bit hard done by, but having my sisters is more than worth it.

eeyore228 · 28/03/2021 15:58

I'm the eldest of 4 and was always left to babysit for my brothers. I loathed it. Don't get me wrong I love my siblings but I never understood my mothers need to want more children when the couldn't be bothered once we hit a certain age. There was never enough money and I rarely had help with homework. No stories at bedtime. I felt like an inconvenience. I've never understood since then the desperation for a huge family if you can genuinely give your kids the love and attention and have the financial backing great but most of the large families I've met don't have a grasp and rely heavily on older children to do their job.

Deathraystare · 28/03/2021 16:00

First of three. Only girl. Did get jealous of youngest boy. Mum obvs 'relaxed' with him. He got a later bedtime etc etc. Big mistake to 'relax' with him - he was a terror! I did love him but fell out of love when 14 and got jealous of him being allowed to do stuff I never could. We are fine now though!

anyoldtime · 28/03/2021 16:00

FourTeaFallOut It depends how long the emotional outbursts last for and are individual to the child surely? My eldest child can break down for two hours.
Yes I guess I could hurry her up or say I’ll talk about it later. Sadly when the younger sibling needs to go to bed at 8pm and not 10pm in order to function as any sort of civilised human the next day, this is what I sometimes have to do.

It’s a terrible situation to feel pulled in all directions.

Floralnomad · 28/03/2021 16:00

I’m the youngest of 3 girls , my middle sister is my best friend and always has been , we are close in age and have similar interests. I’ve got closer to my eldest sister as we’ve aged and parents have died etc . I don’t think my parents needed to do anything differently we all had a lovely childhood .

Mrsfrumble · 28/03/2021 16:02

I’m the youngest of three, with a small age gap (oldest brother is 3.5 years older than me). I never felt we missed out on attention or material things as we were fairly well off and my mum was a SAHP.

Having said that, we have two and I honestly think I’d struggle with more.

steppemum · 28/03/2021 16:03

yes.
Happy family, Mum was good at being fair about time/attention/money to all of us.

I am one of 3, my dh is one of 3, and we chose to have 3 kids ourselves.

I love the dynamic of three, the way the relationships shift and change. 2 often seems a little....pat. And with 2, there is nowhere to go if you don't get on. With three there is another option.

But, as with all things to do with families, you have a lot of input over the dynamic as parents. Favouritism can happen with 2, 3, 4, etc siblings. It is always devisive.
And the obvious traps are - middle child neglected, oldest feels they are esxpected to take on too muchresponsibility, youngest gets away with murder. I suspect that small elements of those will always be there, and you get same with 2 or 4 kids too

GintyMcGinty · 28/03/2021 16:03

Yes to both questions

TulipCat · 28/03/2021 16:03

I am the middle of three and never felt I lacked attention etc, but my younger brother was an accident, my father never wanted a third, and that massively affected their relationship.

lynsey91 · 28/03/2021 16:04

I am the eldest of 3 and didn't like it all. It always seemed that one of us was left out.

There is 18 month between me and middle sibling and 7 years between me and youngest. I can remember I really hated the sibling closest to me and even now, when we are all in our 60's, we don't particularly get on.

I vowed I would never have 3 children but in fact chose not to have any

TheLittleRedToothbrush · 28/03/2021 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HosannainExcelSheets · 28/03/2021 16:08

I'm one of more than 3 myself and have three DC of my own. Wouldn't change any of it. I really appreciate all of my siblings, and often reflect sadly on how it must be lonely (or constraining) to have only one sibling.

mummywithtwokidsplusdog · 28/03/2021 16:08

I’m very glad of my siblings, we all get along really well as adults. Unfortunately my mum seemed to run out of steam in the parenting department and left us to it from when I (eldest daughter) was about 13.... cooking, school stuff, emotional support etc. There’s no way of knowing if having one less of us would have been more manageable for her, or not?